A few years ago, I walked into an organization I had just been recruited into. I had a lot of expectations as well as anxiety. When I say expectations I mean it in the sense that, I knew what was expected of me, and I was ready to deliver. On the other hand, I was anxious about the work culture and the work environment. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to fit in with the people who were already there. New places always had that effect on me. So when I reported for work that morning, I was buzzing with anticipation while my stomach was in knots. But I managed to present a picture of calmness when I interacted with my co-workers. 

In my quest to get acquainted with my work environment, one of the ladies caught my attention. She is easygoing and very beautiful. I remember how I always found an opportunity to talk to her. She was a national service person in my department so it was even easier to engage her. As time went on, she started enjoying my company too. This helped me get closer to her. The chemistry between us was sizzling but we didn’t rush things. I took my time and got to know her. One thing I fancied about her is her peaceful personality. I don’t like being stressed unnecessarily and she didn’t seem like the type to stress me so I was happy.

A few months into our friendship, she finished her national service and got a job in another institution. I was used to working with her so it was difficult to adjust to her absence. But somehow we made time to see each other whenever we could. As we spent more time together we started relating with each other as though we were a couple. There was no proposal or declaration of intent from either of us. We were just so connected that we just knew that it was time to take things to the next level. We’ve been together for a year and a half now and a lot has happened in this period. Sure we’ve had our good days and our bad days. But my problem is that while the good times are extremely good, the bad times are extremely bad. If only I could find a balance between the two, everything would be perfect between us. 

Now, I know that I am not perfect so I’m open to working on myself. My concern with my girlfriend, however, is that she doesn’t care about self-growth. If I point out something she does that I’m not happy about, she would dismiss my concerns and repeat the same thing till I get tired and accept her as she is. For example, I’ve tried to be there for her as best as I can. Even though she is working, I help her out financially. She doesn’t hesitate to pick up her phone to call me, “Steve, I saw this thing that I like but I’m broke. Send me money to buy it.” Or “Steve, I need sustenance for the rest of the month. Send me MoMo.” But when I need help she would tell me, “Sorry babe, I wish I could help you out but my salary finishes before it arrives.” This gives me the impression that she is only interested in enjoying favours from me. 

Apart from that, whenever I try to talk about our future she acts as if I am the most boring person on earth. Once she told me, “Why are you always ruining fun moments with talks about the future? Relax, the future is not going anywhere.” This is someone I love and see a future with so I want to know if we are on the same page. I want to know what she is up to in her career. I also want to know where she sees our relationship in the next couple of years. But she refuses to share her opinions on these subjects. One time I asked her, “Do you have plans of venturing into a side hustle? It will be good for you to double your income, considering how you always complain about being broke.” My lady didn’t tell me anything meaningful in response. She just fumbled and frowned at me until I dropped the topic. 

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Her behaviour is very frustrating because it looks like she doesn’t bring anything to the table. And she is very content with the way things are. I have tried talking to her about it several times but she just ignores me. I’m trying to figure out where my life is heading so it hurts me that my partner has no interest in embarking on this journey with me. I’m tired of her constant, “Steve, I want this” and “Steve, I want that”. Sometimes she even goes to the extent of not talking to me for days when I bring these issues up for discussion. Sometimes she would cry and act like I’m a bad person for wanting her to grow financially. I love her but the relationship is beginning to feel like a chore. When I think about the future, I get scared because of this. I am not sure I want to marry someone who does not understand a partnership. 

I’ve thought of leaving her but I’m conflicted because as I stated earlier, she has a good heart. She doesn’t give me any trouble aside from her refusal to bring anything to the table. 

By the way, we’ve both agreed not to have shuperu so our relationship is clean. I just need help on how to get her to see things from my angle. Any suggestions, please?

—Steve

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