She is a woman who was helping me to find a job, thirty-six years and had been married for three years. Her husband loves slim women but over the years she had gathered some weight, weight in places her husband doesn’t like. She had tried. She had been on diets, she had tried to train the weight off, she had tried to cry them off. Nothing she did worked so she decided she’ll rather make peace with it and instead find a way to slay the weight her husband doesn’t like. When she told me this story about her weight gain, I asked, “Where’s the weight you’re trying to shed?” She answered, “You didn’t see my ‘before’ so it will be hard for you to see the difference.” I said, “The most important thing is that you’re still beautiful. Your curves are still curvy, your smiles still light up a place, and your kind heart can be seen under your cloth. You need not do anything.”

Later in the evening when she got home, she started sending me photos of when she was not fat. Those were photos when she was twenty-five or twenty-six. I laughed at her. I said, “You looked scruffy. If I ordered your ‘now’ and was given your ‘before’, I would have felt cheated. Are you sure that’s what your husband wants? Talk to him very well. Show him these photos again and let’s see if that’s what he truly wants.” She answered, “He has these photos. When he has to post me on his status, these are the kind of photos he uses. He talks about them as my golden days. He has cheated with two women who look like my before. I understand you’re trying to be nice but I know  what’s going on and I know how it burns.”

“He cheated? You know for a fact or you’re just assuming?”

“You’re not listening to me. I said he cheated with two women who look like my before. That means I’ve seen the women. I know them enough to know that they look like my before.”

From there the conversation got darker. I didn’t know what to say. I was also trying hard not to probe about the cheating side of the story. I ended up giving her the only motivation I had left in me, “People change. He may change too. One day he’ll know you’re all he has and he’ll come to love you for that.”

She is a woman who was helping me to find a job. I had been out of a job for over a year and life was very difficult. She’s an HR. She knew people who could help and was determined to get me a job. She’ll call every day to give me a progress report, where she had sent my CV and what they said. One day she called to give me a number. She said, “Call that number. Tell him I’m the one who asked you to call.” I did just as she said and the man asked me to attend an interview the following day. After the interview, I met her. She asked how things went and I told her everything. She said, “He’s a good friend. I’ve asked him to help so let’s see how it goes.”

That evening when she was driving home and I sat next to her, I sensed the change in mood. There was this thick cloud of unexplained feelings that made both of us go quiet for a long while. When she broke the silence, she said, “You have kind words to tell me. It looks like you’re the only man in this world who makes me feel that I’m human. And that’s making me like you in a way I never anticipated.” She kept quiet and allowed her statement to hang in the air for a while. “What do you think? I’m married, yes but I’m starved. Starved of love, starved of affection and starved of everything a woman needs to be whole.”

So we kissed. She said, “I’m not trying to pour my emotional needs on you. We could do this with no strings attached and I would be fine. I know you have your life or even a woman you’re loving. That shouldn’t be a problem. I’m good.”

So from that day, we became something that didn’t have a name. People call it friends with benefits but we refused to call what we had a name. When she needed me, she would call me and we’ll meet. We’ll do whatever it takes to get satisfied. We’ll dress up and walk out as though the world was wrong and we were everything that was right with the world. I was scared of what was going on. I was thinking about the implications and what could be if her husband finds out. She always told me this, “Stop worrying your head over him. He doesn’t care and I bet you if he finds out now, he won’t even bother.”

I knew she was lying to make me feel lighter about what was going on. A few months later, I got a job. She ensured that. She even ensured I got the best deal out of the job. She wrote a very beautiful recommendation for me and that helped in deciding my salary. All was well with me. I had lost my relationship with a girl I loved due to the fact that I had no job. Now I had a job but was with a married woman. Life isn’t balanced at all. She was perfect. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for me. Even though I had a job, she still took care of me. When we went out, she paid. When I needed help she said, “Here I am” When I needed shuperu, she said, “You can have it all.” 

No strings attached right? 

A year later we started developing strings. I felt for her what I felt for the woman I loved but I controlled it. I didn’t want to let it show but anytime she spoke about her husband and the ill-treatment he was giving her, I got angry inside of me. How could a woman this kind meet a man that unkind? I wondered but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t walk up to him and demand good treatment. Who am I to do that? I gave her shoulders she could lean on but as time went on she started talking about divorce; “I’m thinking about walking away. He has started blaming me for our childlessness when he wouldn’t sit up and have shuperu with me.”

READ ALSO: The Day I Walked Into The Sea Because Of A Heartbreak

All the times that she spoke about a divorce it didn’t bother me. I felt she deserved happiness and if divorce would make her happy, then why not? Until one day she said, “I have you. I will divorce him and pave the way for us to be together. We can come out of the rock under which we are hiding and love each other in the open. No need to hide again.” I loved her but divorcing her husband for me wasn’t the plan from the start. We were to do it without strings “So how come she’s talking about strings now?”

I’ve tried my best to talk her out of the divorce but most importantly, I’ve reminded her of the deal we had from the start; “No strings attached, remember? I’m not ready to marry any moment from now. I don’t have the money to get married and I don’t have the mindset now. There are so many things I would like to achieve before that so marriage isn’t my target now.” She said, “You don’t have to worry. As long as I have you, I’m ok. Marriage or not, I would be fine.”

I’ve started withdrawing from her and she had noticed it. We’ve started picking up a series of fights here and there. It’s no longer rosy between us. She’s having it tough. I should be the place she runs to and hide when her home gets hot but today, I’m the one giving her the fire. I don’t pick up her calls and I don’t answer her messages. I’m doing everything for her to know that I’m not an option once her marriage is over. She had read between the lines and has started threatening me. “You think you can now stand on your feet so you’ll ignore me? Have you forgotten the role I played in getting you that job? I can equally play an opposite role so don’t dare me.”

Currently, we are playing hide and seek. She sent a long text talking about how her husband had been beating her recently and how she was looking for a hiding place and all. I couldn’t say a word. I knew whatever I say would give her the armour of escape. I don’t know how to deal with her. I’m between a hard place and a rock. Somedays I want to call off her bluff and walk away but losing this job at this point would be hell for me. What should I do to secure my job and also run away from her? I’ve been praying fervently for forgiveness and I know God will forgive me but would she also forgive me if I leave her at this moment? 

That’s my cross now. I need advice.     

—Papa D.

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