What Will Make A Man Hang Around You For Years And Still Not Propose To You?

“I am telling you, NUPS-G guys are like that. They never propose to a woman they like. They will hang around you until you meet someone. That’s when they tell you how they feel.” 

That’s what my friend Afia said to draw laughter from all of us. This statement is an inside joke for my circle of friends. We are all church girls, staunch Presbyterians at that. And if you are wondering what NUPS-G stands for, it means National Union of Presbyterian Students, Ghana. That’s why we know a thing or two about how these boys behave. Let me share my experience with you on the subject. 

I was in the university when I met this gentleman at a church program. This guy and I hit it off the moment we met. There was nothing romantic about our initial interactions. He was just nice to talk to. I liked texting him too. Conversations with him were effortless. We talked about literally anything and I always felt at ease around him. A year into our friendship, I took a year off school, to go and pursue a one-year course. Even the distance did not slow down the fast pace of our friendship. We kept in touch the entire time I was away. When I returned to school, our friendship still thrived.  

He was a great guy. He was a good Christian, a good listener, a complete gentleman, and a good conversationalist. Name something good and he is it. A year after I resumed school, I  completed. A year after I completed school, he also completed school. I lived in Accra while he lived outside Accra but then again, the distance did not interfere with the growth of our friendship. We spent long hours on the phone talking about our lives, our dreams, and the mountains we need to conquer to reach those dreams. I had not met his family but I knew everything about them. I knew which of his siblings was craziest and which of his parents everyone was terrified of. He also hadn’t met my family but he knew every one of them. I’m sure he would be able to recognize them in town because of the number of times he saw their photos. 

Sometimes when he came to Accra I met up with him, just to talk. One day I managed to convince him to come to my place. When he arrived my sister was home. A few minutes after she observed our interactions she called me aside, “Are you sure this guy doesn’t like you? The two of you look like a couple.” I responded “I don’t know. I like him but I don’t how he feels about me.” Then she pointed out, “Well, this is how it begins.”

When I went to see him off I asked him; “My sister said you might be interested in me. Is that true?” This guy looked at me and smiled off my question. He didn’t deny or confirm anything. I felt confused about our friendship all of a sudden. I felt that way because I was interested in him and was hoping he was interested in me too. When he didn’t say anything, I was disappointed. I thought we had a special bond, you know? 

 That awkward conversation did not affect our friendship. He invited me to interesting places and we always enjoyed each other’s company. We even attended weddings of our mutual friends together. Our friendship had gotten to the point where people assumed we were involved with each other. I convinced myself that we were better off as friends. I felt happy with the way we were, until one day he told me he was seeing someone. I was filled with some kind of jealousy that I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing. It didn’t also help matters that he tried to involve me in their relationship. He came to me for advice when they had problems. At some point, I realized that every piece of advice I gave him went against the lady. I didn’t know her but I was very critical of everything she did. That’s not the kind of person I am, and I hated being like that. 

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One day he came to me for advice again and I told him, “I think you should stop involving me in your relationship problems. I am not sure I give you good advice.” He tried to push the matter further but I wouldn’t say anything more. Eventually, he stopped consulting me for relationship advice. I also met someone and decided to give him a shot. We dated for six months but things didn’t work out. Throughout my relationship, my church boy was still lurking in the shadows. He still got in touch and tried to keep up with everything happening in my life. In the back of my mind, I thought, “Maybe one day he will tell me how he feels if I stick around a little and wait for him.” 

When my relationship ended, his relationship was thriving. I didn’t mind because I believed, “If it’s yours, it will come back to you.”

Along the line, I went back to school to pursue my second degree. He called me around that time to tell me his relationship had ended. By that time, I had given up on the possibility of a relationship with him. But he still hang around me but never expressed any romantic interest in me. In my final year, I met someone who swept me off my feet. This man knew what he wanted and he went for it right from the start. He didn’t waste time expressing his interest. I liked him too so I opened up to him. He had everything I wanted in a man; God-fearing, kind, loving, and physically attractive. When I told my church boy about my newfound love, he wasn’t pleased. He tried to discourage me from pursuing a relationship with him. He said, “Are you not concerned about what he does for a living? Men in that line of work are known to be philanderers. Don’t date him, he will hurt you.” 

I heard his unsolicited advice through one ear and let it out through the other ear. 

I was in love and happy. I wasn’t about to let the church boy ruin it with his fears. Eighteen months into my relationship, my man proposed marriage. Of course, I said yes. 

We have been married for four years now and our home is filled with love, laughter, and warmth. Occasionally I would wonder why the church boy never made his move yet tried to stop my relationship from happening. Was he genuinely concerned I would get hurt? Or he only liked the idea of me waiting around and pining after him? It wasn’t that I still nursed feelings for him. I was just curious. 

Luckily, I got answers to my questions two years ago. 

My husband and I went out on a date when we ran into him. He was there with a date too. We said our hellos and continued with our evening. A few days later, he called me to catch up on life. In the middle of the conversation, he said, “Do you know that I have always liked you? I never said anything because I felt you were out of my league.” I told him, “It doesn’t matter anymore but I’m surprised you thought I was above you. You and I were friends. You knew me in ways no one else did so why would you think of me this way?” He answered, “Yes, I  knew you to be smart, beautiful, and God-fearing. You were the complete package and it’s not easy for a man to approach you.” 

I had longed for him in the past. I had held a torch for him for years, waiting for him to make a move but all that while he couldn’t say a thing because He was intimidated by me. Who does that?

He lost me but I am thankful that I did not listen to him. If I did, I would have missed my epic love with my husband. If I waited around for him, we would have still been going around each other by now. Thank God I moved on from him and met a wonderful man. 

Anyway, why are NUPS-G boys like that, huh?