My good friend is going through a hard time and the way things are going, I’m scared if we don’t help him, he might end it. A man in his thirties. All his dreams are still intact in his heart but because of a bad marriage, he calls me in the night and cries on the phone. We grew up together. We attended the same Junior high school but went to a different high school. When the time came for us to go to the university, we both ended up in Legon studying the same course. That was when our friendship solidified. We did everything together on campus. Those who didn’t know our beginning felt we were brothers and we accepted it. We shared the same room, we were in the same study group, we suffered together financially and made it out of campus together. 

It was during national service that we realized our lives are best lived together. We ended up in the same district during our national service and guess what. We lived in the same room when we were doing our national service. Eric is a good guy. I was the bad one. When we were in school, he maintained one girlfriend from the second year until the girl left him when we were in the fourth year. I didn’t see the need to have one when I could have as many as I wanted. I proposed to whoever would say yes to me. I won some and lost as many as I could.

He would advise me, “Girls are not tablet that you’ll have one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. The way you’re going with them, they can be poisonous so be careful. It was just advice and I didn’t take it. When we were doing our national service too the same. I would go after everything that promised happiness while he would sit back and calculate things before he takes a step. I needed him in my life because he was the one who brought sanity into everything that was meant to destroy me.

After national service, he came to Accra with me to look for a job. He’s originally from Ketu. He told me, “If I live in Ketu with my family, it would be hard for me to see life the way I want it. All the jobs are in Accra so it’s better I live closer to the source.” He came home with me and lived in the same house with me until he got a job and moved out. He didn’t go far from where I lived so we got connected whenever he came back from work. Everything looked like we were going to be brothers for life. 

Just about a year after he got a job, he met Lucy. He couldn’t stop talking about her and how good Lucy was. I knew my brother’s level of commitment to things so I concluded, “This is the girl he’s going to marry, I know this man.” He brought her home to meet me even before he sent her to Ketu to meet his family. They looked like the perfect couple because Lucy was as calm and calculative just like my brother. She comes from a wealthy home but she didn’t live her life like she had it all. She came down to the level of my brother and they both had a perfect relationship. I even envied them at some point. 

In 2017, I was his best man when he got married to Lucy. Looking at how happy they both were, it was easier for everyone to conclude that they were going to have a beautiful marriage. I even made the same conclusion because I knew my brother. I knew his heart and I knew he was a good man. I also knew he was going to be a good husband because all our lives together, he had been a good person. After marriage, he moved in with Lucy. It made sense that he moved into Lucy’s place because Lucy had it all. 

She had a full house to herself so there was no need to rent one. From a small house in Ketu to owning a big house in Accra because of marriage. I looked at him and said, “I tap into your blessing brother. If I get a woman like Lucy, I’ll drop all the yam and cling to her like the air I breathe.” He laughed but he understood what I meant. 

In 2019 They had a son. I was there for the christening. He looked happy and had the face of a married man. You’ll look at him and say, “Marriage had been fair with you, look at how good you look.” It was later when he came to me crying that I understood that not all that glitters is gold.

At the height of the Covid, he lost his job. I felt it wasn’t a great deal because he had a wife who could swing the magic wand and great things would happen. That didn’t happen. My brighter would call me often than he used to. I would ask him, “Bro, is everything alright?” He would laugh and say, “Yeah I’m good. The only thing left is for me to get a job. Apart from that, life is good.” I went to visit him one day from work. He was home alone with his baby. I asked him, “Are you the only one here with the baby?” He answered, “Yeah, I’m not working so this is my full-time job.” He didn’t say it with a happy face. I knew my brother. Something wasn’t right but he was good at covering things. 

We were in the house together when his wife entered. She didn’t greet nor say anything. She went straight inside the room. I was like, “Lucy didn’t see me? I was even smiling at her. Is there anything wrong with my being here?” He said, “Maybe her mind wasn’t here. She would come out soon and correct her mistake, just watch her.” Se never came out until I said goodbye to my brother. I had a heavy heart while on my way home. It didn’t look like a happy home for me. I was thinking about him but later he told me, “Marriage is like that, you can’t take everything to heart.” 

One evening he called to tell me he has a new job. A few months later, he called to tell me he had stopped going to work because the office owes him three months’ salary. I asked him, “So how’s your wife taking all these?” He answered, “It’s not her life. It’s mine so I have to be concerned.” It was May this year when he called me. He was crying on the phone. I thought someone was dead so my first question was, “Who died?” He answered, “Bro I’m dead. I’m the one who is dead, bro. I’m better dead than alive bro. These few years had been very difficult for me. Why am I even alive?” I was trying to calm him down but he was inconsolable. 

He told me his wife had been cheating on him right after marriage. He suspected it but didn’t follow through with his suspicion because he believed her. It got worse when he lost his job, to the extent that these days she doesn’t even hide it. “They bring her home, bro. She will tell me she’s going home to visit her parents but she won’t drive. A car would be outside waiting for her. When I ask questions she gets angry.”

That day when he called me, he had gone through his wife’s phone and had seen all the chats about her adulterous ways. There were two different men involved, that was what killed him. His wife doesn’t lack any material things so you can’t say she’s doing it for the money. There were many hotels she had visited with these two men and some travels they’ve embarked on. “She would send our son to her parents and travel on a business trip. Sometimes she would be gone for a week. I will miss her but when she returns, she won’t allow me to touch her because she’s always tired.”

I listened to him cry while narrating his story. I asked him, “So what are you going to do?” He said, “I don’t know. What do you think I should do? Walk away? That would worsen the situation.”

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I even suggested to him to come back home for a while to clear his head. He said, “No, I won’t leave my family alone. I will make things right.” So they’ve been living together but my brother calls me often and cries about the heartbreak he’s going through. Left to me alone, he would just walk away from the marriage but he thinks he can save the marriage. The last time he was here with me. He has grown lean with his cheekbones popping out. All was not well but he insisted he was fine. When I asked about the marriage he started breaking down. He said, “I’m trying to forget but anytime I see her, it brings back the memories of what I saw on her phone.” I asked him, “Has she apologised?” He answered, “She only explained what happened and said she regrets everything.” 

My brother has become my burden now. He doesn’t listen to me when I advise him but he comes to me often to tell me the problems he’s going through. Currently, he has nothing. No work, no money, little savings because he hasn’t worked for a long while. He’s scared to start life afresh, I believe but the way he’s hurting, it would be better for him to leave and start afresh. He won’t listen to me. He won’t talk about it to anyone. He won’t even discuss it with the girl’s family. He thinks he’s a man so he can solve it but he’s the one hurting. 

How can I help someone like that? How can I push him out of his problem? I’m scared of how fast he’s degrading. He can do anything to himself if care is not taken.

—Fred

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