Technically, I have been married for the past 12 years. My husband and I have four kids together. The beginning stages of our marriage were good. We had our problems but we always resolved them. In our fifth year together, my husband lost his job. I took up the responsibility of our home. I tried to take care of us the way my husband did when he had a job. I did my best to encourage him to get back on his feet.

Somewhere along the line, I got pregnant with my fourth child. When I told him he said “Another mouth to feed? You know the timing is not right. You can’t keep it.” I told him I would keep it. He tried to force me to get rid of it and I reported him to our pastor. The pastor spoke to him and he agreed that we should keep the baby. Our finances were not good but we were in a good place as a family.

One day my husband brought a lady home and introduced her to me as a family friend. I welcomed her and related with her as though we were sisters. I gave her a helping hand whenever she needed help. At some point, I realized that she and my husband spent a lot of time together and they were close. I never thought of him as a cheating partner so I didn’t make anything out of it.  Before I realized, he was no longer the man I married. He stopped talking to me like he used to. He only spoke to me out of necessity. He started leaving the house and returning after days. He would even be gone for an entire week, leaving me alone to take care of our three kids and the pregnancy.

His friends started calling me to ask questions. One of them asked, “What’s going on with your marriage? Are you divorced?” I asked him why. He said, “I have been seeing your husband with a certain lady. They spend so much time together.” I described the lady to him and he said she was the one. I told him, “Oh don’t worry about her. She is related to him.”

I had the baby and fell into a deep well of postpartum depression. That was the period I started suspecting that my husband was having an affair with his supposed family friend. I couldn’t confront him because I didn’t have any proof to confirm my suspicions. I often prayed to God to help me save my marriage. One day a pastor came to my workplace and before he left he told me, “You have a good heart but your husband is trying to betray you.” He gave me a scripture to read and pray with. I did as the pastor said and three days later I found my husband’s travel documents.

He indicated that he was engaged. His ‘family friend’ Eunice was listed as his fiancée. I was so heartbroken. I was the one financing his travel so how could he do this? I took photos for evidence. I went into his phone and read their chats. I found out that they started dating before I got pregnant with my fourth child. My heartbreak intensified. That was when I confronted him. He denied everything. He said, “It’s not what you think, relax. Don’t you trust me anymore?”

A few days later, I reported him to his family. No one believed me so I showed them the evidence I gathered. My husband got angry with me and stopped talking to me. He refused to eat my food and he wouldn’t even touch me. When I tried to talk to him about it he told me, “I love Eunice and I’m going to marry her.”

That was the end of our marriage.

I didn’t want to accept it. I cried and begged him for three years to come back to me. His mind was made up and he refused to give our marriage another chance. I spoke to his family but they said there was nothing they could do about the situation. He said he would grant me a divorce and give me custody of our kids so he can start a new life with Eunice. Eunice is a divorcée with three children.

By the grace of God, I was surrounded by good people who made sure I didn’t harm myself. My pastors tried to talk to him but he didn’t give them the time of day. When they finally got him, he insisted on divorcing me.  My mother also tried to talk to him but he refused to meet her. In the end, everyone stopped trying to persuade him. I was counselled to let him go.

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I asked myself, “What am I going to do? I have four children with him. Who would want me?” I felt bad anytime someone asked, “Where is your ring?” By and by I recovered. I felt lonely but I was determined to stand on my feet. I went back to my church to see my counsellors. They were happy to see that I was taking care of myself well. They advised, “A failed marriage is not the end of the world. You look good and you are still young. In God’s own time, he will bring a good man your way. You will be fine.” They prayed with me.

After six years of separation from my husband, I met someone. This man loves and cares for me and my children. He treats them like his own. We are planning to get married soon. Now that I have moved on and I am happy, my husband wants me back. I forgave him long ago but I don’t want anything to do with him again. He is seriously begging me. He said I should break up with my boyfriend and he would also break up with Eunice. I told him, “There’s no way I’m going to do that. We had our time. You left me when I needed you the most. Why now? What have you seen that you want to come back?”

He’s trying. He’s using the kids to get at me. I’m looking his way. The man I’m with is good to me and I can let him go because of him. He keeps knocking on my door asking for forgiveness but I no longer live in the house he’s knocking.  I’m far gone and there would be no chance for him. He had Eunice and still has her. He can keep her for good. I am in a good place now and I’m really happy with my life and everything happening around me.

—Lois

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