I am writing this in a state of dilemma. I need advice. I am entangled in a love triangle that keeps troubling my mind each day. I’m looking for a way out and I believe someone here can help me out.

I am a 29-year-old woman hoping to get married soon. I want to believe the reason I am not married yet is because of my genotype. I have had to walk away from two good men I loved dearly because their genotypes weren’t compatible with my AC genotype. I must say that it was not easy to walk away from these two good men. Every experience left me heartbroken and wary of future encounters. Relationships are hard. You don’t get to meet good men often. I’ve been lucky. I’ve met two but I had to let them go because the universe placed us on the wrong side of compatible genotypes.

I did not want to go through another traumatic break up so I made it a point to ask about the genotypes of the men I meet before I even decide to fall in love with them. I met Eric. I didn’t want to jump all in until I knew what I want to know. Our relationship was really nice. He was a good and kind man and I saw a future with him. He was also very skilled in the bedroom. I’m talking about the kind of skills that gives a woman multiple orgasms. I should have been very happy with him but I wasn’t. He had it all but I couldn’t bring myself to love him deeply like he deserved to be loved because I didn’t know his genotype.

The issue of the genotype is important to me and I wasn’t going to compromise on it because of love or good shuperu. I asked him to go check it so we know if we are compatible. He didn’t. He kept brushing it aside as something not important. To make matters worse, he started misbehaving toward me. One moment we are vibing nicely, the next moment he is off making our relationship difficult. Communication between us started limping. We didn’t communicate as often as we did when the relationship began. I made up my mind to move on and find someone else because I couldn’t tell anymore if he was interested in me. The inconsistency was disheartening. Cold, hot, cold, hot. Who can deal with such consistent inconsistency?

Just when I made the decision to leave him, he called me one day; “You’ve been hounding me about this for so long so I decided to do it. I checked and I’m AA. Are you happy now? Does that make you relaxed with no fear in your mind?” We were a perfect match then. I really felt he was a complete package but I still had one foot out of the door. He had the right genotype but had the wrong attitude. Cold today, hot tomorrow. He kept misbehaving and throwing his weight around. As I said, I had one leg out of the door so I opened myself up to new opportunities.

And then I met someone else—Martin. He wasn’t someone new. He was someone I worked with. When he started proposing to me I didn’t pay any attention to him. He kept pressing. The more he told me he liked me the more I pushed him away. He was relentless. He wasn’t going to let me get away without putting up a fight. His relentlessness drew me in. I started leaning in his direction and even looked forward to his conversations. I wouldn’t admit it then but I liked talking to him and I enjoyed the attention he gave me.

I decided to give him a chance but I didn’t want another situation like the one with Eric so I told him, “I like you too and I want to give us a chance but I won’t do that until you check your genotype. It’s very important to me. I have to know we’re compatible before we go any further with this. What’s the point if I give you everything today and later find out that we are incompatible?” He said, “You don’t have to worry about that. I will check it as soon as my schedules clear up.” I believed him so I went ahead and gave him a “Yes.”

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He has such an amazing personality so I couldn’t stop myself from falling fast in love with him. Everything was easy and rosy with him but I was really confused. Eric wasn’t gone totally. I was looking at him from the ends of my eyes. He had the right genetic constitution so I couldn’t just brush him off my mind. I was stuck between two men and I had to choose which of them to keep. I couldn’t make the choice. I was waiting to see Martin’s result before I make the ultimate decision. He too started giving me excuses. I kept asking him to get tested. He kept telling me he would do it but never did.

One day he told me, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to do it. What if I do it and we are not compatible? Then you’ll leave me? No, that’s harsh. I don’t want to lose you. We are together now. That’s all that matters.” I thought I should give him some time to change his mind but he still refused to do it so I told him we should break up. I couldn’t risk the future of my unborn children on love. Not to talk about another heartbreak if we got close to marriage before we find out we aren’t compatible. He calls me names for leaving him. “Selfish” is on top of the list of names he calls me. He is trying his best to get me back and I’m trying my best to get away from him.

I told him, “I can’t be with you because you don’t seem to take me seriously. If you did, you would have done the one thing I asked you to do.” I don’t know what he’s scared of. Well, he thinks he may lose me if he does it and we are incompatible but should we go ahead and leave everything to chance? That’s an expensive chance to take and I’m not ready

Because of that, I’m tempted to stick with Eric—his AA puts him in an advantageous position though his cold-hot attitude puts me away. I’m confused right now. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice by sticking with Eric. Somedays I feel it’s the right thing to do. Somedays I’m tempted to cut ties with both of them and stay single. What do you suggest I do? Help me to decide.

–Debbie

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