I was single for a while until my meddling friend decided to set me up with another friend of his. He told me he was a good guy. He said, “he’s the kind of guy who won’t hurt a woman.” He painted a picture-perfect of him and sold it to me. I believed my friend so I decided to give his recommendation a try. We mostly attach a great deal of trust to things our friends recommend to us. It could be food. It could be a place. It could also be a person. They’ll tell you, “I bought food from this place once and it was awesome. Words from friends are to be trusted, especially if it’s about something they’ve experienced. I met him and he did seem like a perfect man. I was sold. We talked regularly. We got to know each other. I thought he was someone I could be with. He seemed sane.
He didn’t propose. If he did, then I don’t remember. I don’t remember there was an official proposal. When my friend set us up, we knew what we were getting ourselves into so we talked. When the vibe was good, we became a couple. The first thing I noticed about him was his stinginess. I’m talking about crazy stinginess. We’ve dated for five months and the entire time he has given me GHC500. He also gave me GHc100 one time. Before you say, “But that’s not bad,” listen to what he did after giving me that money. He’ll send me the money and later come back to collect part of it. He’ll invent a story. I’d-swallowed-a-saucepan-so-I-need-money-for-surgery kind of stories. I always gave it to him. I knew it was his money he was coming for so I didn’t fight it.
He didn’t have a car when I first met him. I didn’t have a problem with him borrowing my car. What bothered me was how he’d take the car and use all my fuel. He’d come and park it with an empty tank. Sometimes by the time he brought the car back, it was faulty. He wouldn’t tell me. He’d just park it as if nothing had happened. Imagine the inconvenience when the car finally leaves me stranded in the middle of a trip. It didn’t make sense that he behaved that way.
One day he came for my car for a trip and later called me, “The car broke down along the way. We need to fix it so kindly send money for the fixing. There was something I wanted to tell him. Something bad. An insult or anything to let him know that he wasn’t being fair with me. I didn’t want to spark an argument that went on and on so I sent the money to him to get the car fixed. After all, it was my own car that has developed a fault.
For someone that stingy, he talked big. He enjoyed making promises he knew he wouldn’t keep. In the beginning, I thought he would try and at least fulfill one of his many promises. As time went on, I learned to accept the promises as background noise in our relationship. My love language is gift-giving, and he knows this. Yet all the time we’ve been together, he has never brought me a single gift. It doesn’t have to be anything grand or expensive. A simple gift. It could even be something mundane. A gesture that showed he thought of me. I hoped he’d even learn from the things I did for him. I spent a lot of money trying to make him look better but he never learned to reciprocate. He was quite unkempt when I met him.
To add to the list, he has been very manipulative in this relationship. The manipulation I’ve had to deal with is so terrible. This man would lie to me, and when I catch him, he would do everything to cover up those lies. Sometimes he would say, “The reason you caught me in a lie is that you are possessed by a spirit. That spirit is trying to delay your marriage.” And then he would make it seem like it was my fault. Then he would demand I apologize to him for finding out the truth. How I ever thought he was sane, beats me. It didn’t make sense the things he made me do but in the name of love crazy things get done.
Big talkers talk about everything including the very secrets of their lives. They don’t care where they stand. If the moment calls for a speech, they’ll say anything to be relevant. He’s just like that. Nothing stays between us. Every private conversation we’ve had becomes public knowledge. He tells his pastor about the things we talk about, even to the smallest details. I expressed my displeasure at his behavior, but it didn’t help anything. He was set in his ways. He believes he knows better. Can you imagine being with someone you cannot openly communicate with? For the fear that whatever you say would soon find its way to the public?
At a point, I told him to be giving me some money monthly, instead of sending me money and asking for a part of it back. He went to complain to his pastor that I’ve asked him to pay for being in a relationship with me. He said it’s side chicks and slay queens who get paid for being in relationships with married men. He said it to throw my past in my face. I opened up to him about a horrible experience I had with a married man and he used it as ammunition against me. I dated a married man who lied about his marital status. This is something I never want to think about but he found a way to bring it up.
I decided to break up with him. I sat him down and said to him, “This relationship hasn’t been working for me. I’m trying to make it work but I don’t think it will work. Let’s say our goodbyes while it’s still early. That way, no one gets hurt.” He then started telling me scary things. Scary spiritual things. He said, “Do you know the spiritual battles I’m fighting because of you? An evil spirit appeared to me to ask me what I’m doing with you. I am under constant spiritual attacks because of my relationship with you.” That was a major turn-off for me. In other words, I should be thankful that he didn’t leave me after the spirit appeared to him. He wants to say he is doing me a favor, by staying with me even when he had received a spiritual warning.
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At some point in the relationship, I became so depressed. I was tired. I felt drained. The toxicity was just too much. I felt trapped. Like I’m in a prison. I never experienced a single day of happiness. It was all about spiritual battles and being assigned different sets of prayers. Never really felt any love. Did I sign up to be in a loving relationship? Or I did enlist to join spiritual warfare? All I feel is a constant fear. Fear that something will happen to me if I run and leave him. He keeps talking about haunting spirits who are after us. It has become his chore to put the fear of evil spirits in me so I would not leave.
Now it seems I have to bend and break my will to please all his pastors. They know everything and they constantly come at me. I have to tiptoe around them so I don’t offend any of them. The pastors keep telling me that we are meant to be. That our souls intertwined until the end. It looks like another attempt at manipulation. I don’t know. I’ve never been happy. If anything, I feel completely used and manipulated.
Even if we are meant to be together, must it not happen as a result of our own willingness? Should we be pushed around with chains of spirituality around our necks? I felt happier and so much better when I was alone. I thought being I a relationship would better the way I was feeling—make my good better but currently is all about spiritual warfare against things I don’t even know where they come from. I want to run away but there’s this fear. The ‘what if’ kind of fear. What if what he says about bad spirits are true?
I’m confused. What do you suggest I do?
—Ella
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Dearest daughter of God, 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (KJV).
You’ll forever be their prisoner if you put people in God’s position. As you indulge them, they get stronger by the day. Why give mere mortals such power over you. Why can’t you ask God yourself?
Go watch ‘Toyosi’s drama on YouTube, and run for your life
Dear Ella, how are these spiritual attacks he is claiming true? Have you had a thought about them? If NO, please think about it very well.
I don’t think anything will happen to you should you leave this relationship. You ought to remove the “what if fear” from ur mind and do what will make you happy wholly.
You can possibly discuss this with your mum or someone you really confide in and see the end result before you finally decide……
Ella, I think you need to know God for yourself. I’ll recommend that you get a book “believer’s authority” by Kenneth E Hagin, and you can download the authority of a believer from YouTube by pastor Chris Oyakhilome.
This will help you to stop being afraid. So that you can make a decision by yourself without coercion.
For Chrissake Ella, you’ve allowed yourself to be manipulated like a two year old and you still want opinions from the mass? You are full aware of where the exit door is and you still want people to point it out for you? Tell us, how old are you?
It’s unfortunate people can be so disrespectful of the word of God as to use it as a tool for manipulation! Don’t give in to his threats. If he persists get the police involved. If you still entertain fears that his curses may come true consult other pastors, your mother’s pastor. I guarantee it’s all a hoax
Please he has seen that you get scared when talk to about spiritual things and using it against you. Please kindly live this relationship because is not going to help you. Live before he finishes you.
Hello Ella, i suggest you take all your worries to Jesus Christ. He said in Matthew 11:28 that “Come unto me all ye who are burdened and heavy laden and i will give you rest.” It’s only Jesus who can help you if you surrender to him.
Secondly, the fact that you’re unhappy simply means this relationship is not what God wants you to be in. The bible says that every good and perfect gift comes from above……so a good spouse would come from God. To discern the will and things of God, sometimes you have some peace, inner peace, within you. So if you feel prisoned i’m this relationship whereby you don’t have peace , then it’s not God’s will for you. You unhappiness is a discernment that this is not for you.
Thirdly, the Bible says that God is not an author of confusion. So i would say that don’t believe what others are saying about you and your boyfriend being meant to be together. If God tells you who you’d marry, he’d also reveal it to your significant other. When you read the bible, God told Paul to go to Ananias; at the same time, God also told Ananias to get ready to meet Paul. The same with Peter and Cornelius. You may think i’m speaking bible bible but read the testimony of Pastor Benny Hinn and how he met his wife. Go to youtube and search for Ezinne Zara ( How I met my husband or so). They all tell the wonderful experience of how God revealed their spouses to them; God told both parties. So if God has not revealed him to be your spouse then he probably isn’t .
Lastly, with your question on bad spirits, yes there are bad spirits. But then again, the bible says that God has not given us a Spirit of Fear, but of power, love and sound mind( 2nd Timothy 1:7). And even with the bad spirits, Jesus said in Luke 10:19 that He’s given us the power and authority to trample over snakes and scorpions and overcome every power of the enemy…….
So you see, all this spiritual things from your man is just to trap you cos spiritual things are to bring liberty, comfort, edification etc.
Stay safe Ella ??
My dear, please leave this relationship now, now now… , if there is any evil Spirit in this story then he is the one you dating. he is a perfect example of the devil so please leave him and you will find pure and true love in Christ Jesus.
Ella, the fact that you asking for help out of that shit of a relationship is because God loves you and He wants to rescue you from the shadow of a man, you call your boyfriend, so please heed to Gods call of rescue and leave that illicit relationship okay.