His name is Timothy but he goes around telling people that he’s Tim. When we first met he told me the same too. I asked, “Tim? Short for Timothy?” He said, “No, Tim for Tim. That’s the name.” Not too long afterward I saw his ID card and found his full name. He’s Timothy. I started calling him Timothy. He didn’t like it. He complained about it and even got angry anytime I called him Timothy. So I stopped but once in a while when he does something wrong, I call him Timothy. One day, I was in need so I called him. I was in a rush so when I called him I said, “Timothy, I need your help. I’m in a situation where I need some money to fix. Would you help me? I will pay back if you want me to?” 

That was the first time I was asking him for money. Our relationship had gone on for over a year and he hadn’t given me anything. Not that I expected him to but I know guys send presents to their girlfriends on their birthday. He didn’t send one. He woke up that day and decided to send me a “A-queen-was-born-today” Message. That was all I had. Well,  and a couple of Whatsapp status update with my photos and a lousy Facebook post that I was tagged in. On his birthday, I gave him a watch after posting him on all my handles. I thought he would learn but When Val’s day came, he only sent a message. I responded to his message and kept the gift I bought for him.

But that day I was in desperate need of money so I called and pleadingly asked him to help me. Every caring boyfriend would have asked, “What is the problem? How did you get yourself into that situation? Wait for me I’m coming to take you out.” He didn’t say any of those. His first statement was, “So why are you calling  me Timothy?” I apologized; “Dear, my head is not in the right place. Forgive me but this is not the time to argue about your name. Would you help me?” He answered, “Let’s see what I can do.”

He didn’t ask how much I needed and when I needed it. All he said was, “Let’s see.” I screamed, “Timothy, you don’t even know how much I want so how much are you going to consider when you see what you want to see? And the thing is I need it right now. I’m that desperate so please do something now if you can.” He got angry. His anger was for the fact that I was calling him Timothy. He screamed at me on the phone, “You’re there looking for a favor but you still have the courage to annoy the one you’re seeking favor from. How many times have I told you not to call me Timothy?” He then cut the line.

My mom’s health was on the line so I wasn’t going to chase him around for what he had clearly stated that he would see. I called a few friends—My friend Tilly came up with all I needed to help settle my mom’s medical bills. She didn’t want to take it but when I had the money, I went to her and push it down her brazier. Even that, she removed it and threw it on me. “What are friends for, Eli? I gave it out as a friend supporting a friend. You don’t need to return it. I begged her to take it so I can come for it again the next time I needed it. Her actions broke a cord in me. I was so moved to the extent that I told Tilly about what Timothy did to me when I needed help.

As silly as girlfriends would be, she picked the side of my boyfriend and teased me. “He doesn’t want to be called what he doesn’t want to be called. Why would you ask for money using a name he doesn’t like? I support him. Next time call him with sweet appellations when you need something. Don’t go screaming “Herh Timothy and expect him to give you something.” 

It took days before we talked—Timothy and I. I was hurt. I was thinking about the future of us, “A guy who won’t help in times of need? No, I should walk away.” But Tilly didn’t agree with me. She told me to talk about it with him. She told me to sit him down and express all my sentiments about the relationship and ask him to change something. So when Tim Finally came around, we talked. We talked about the gift he never gives. We talked about how he hadn’t been in the mind frame of giving. And we talked about his name. I told him, “When I call you Timothy, I’m not trying to make fun of you. Everyone calls you Tim. It sounds ordinary. I want mine to sound special but if you say you don’t want it, fine. I would make a conscious effort to stop calling Timothy when I had to call Tim.”

For the first time in our relationship, he apologized. He apologized for not helping and promised he would be better. I forgave him so we could forge ahead. When Xmas came, I got him a gift but he never did. He called to explain his financial situation; “I’m not doing well this year. You know my family and their constant calls for me to provide for them. I’ve given them everything. But don’t worry. Your birthday is just two months away. I will surprise you.” Two months later, my birthday came and all I had were excuses. So I took my mind off it. “He’ll never give so stop expecting something from him every now and then.”

I was with him because he was good in certain areas. He’s one guy who respects my presence. I won’t see him on his phone when I’m around. I won’t see him making weird calls in the night or suspect him of cheating. he’s one guy who tells it as it is and I loved that about him. The ones I’ve had in the past cheated on me. Some didn’t even recognize my presence when I was with them. So to have a guy who gives me all the attention means a lot to me. 

One afternoon, I went to his place and he was watching a football match. I’m not a football fan. I don’t even know the rules except that when the ball goes into the net, I know that it’s a goal. I wanted to sleep and allow him to enjoy his football but this guy won’t let me. He tried explaining things to me. He tried telling me the names of the players, the history of the team, the country they are from, and everything to get me interested. I started watching with him but all I saw were handsome players. I will point at one player and say something like, “Wow, he’s cute. Look at his hair.” 

I guess he was trying to make me interested in the game so he said, “Pick one team and let’s see who wins.” I picked those in white because they had handsome players. When I picked a team, I became interested so we started arguing about the match. What did I even know except when they were trying to score and they didn’t. That was all. He said, “We are going to win.” And I replied, “Oh you lie bad. We are winning.” He said, “Would you bet?” I asked, “How much?” He answered, “It’s your call. How much would you like to bet?” I looked into my purse and saw GHC50. I said, “Here’s GHC50. Bring yours.” Maybe he was so sure his team was going to win so he put GHC100 on my GHc50. He proclaimed boldly, “If you win, take the GHC100. Can women team like this one score us?” 

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I was dozing off when I heard the screaming fans on the TV. I opened my eyes to see my team has scored. I jumped up and took the money from the table. “I’ve won! I’ve won!! “I’ve won!” 

“But the match isn’t over. Wait until it’s done.”

The final whistle was blown and my team had won. I jubilated and tucked the money into my purse. He said, “Seriously?” I answered, “But I’ve won? What do you expect me to do?” I left his house with his GHC100 in my purse. He was quiet when I was leaving. Even when I told him I was leaving he didn’t respond but I left all the same. I got home, called him and his voice was cold. The following day the attitude began. He would pick up my calls sometimes and would not pick up the next time I call. My messages were not responded to. My call to visit him was met with resistance. For a whole week, he was like that so I asked what the issue was. “Have I done anything wrong? Did I say something I shouldn’t have said?” His response was, “There’s nothing wrong. I just want to be alone.” I asked, “For how long?” He said, “I don’t know but I know that I want to be alone.”

I know it’s about the bet—the GHC100 I took from him but I wanted him to say it. He kept swerving the discussion until I decided to leave him alone for a while. As I write this, It’s been over a week since we spoke to each other. My friend Tilly thinks I should return the money if I want the relationship. I told her I wasn’t going to return it. If he could behave this way just because of GHC100 then we don’t have to be in a relationship in the first place. I’m not talking to him but it hurts that he’s behaving this way toward me. The bet started playfully. If he wanted his money back, he could have equally taken it from me playfully. I don’t understand this childish attitude of his and I’m ready to let him go if he treads the same way he’s been treading. 

You think I’m being reasonable? This is a guy who hasn’t given me anything from the start of the relationship. If anything at all, he could take it as a gift to me but no, he keeps acting childish. I’m ready to lose him when push comes to shove but Tilly thinks I should send his money back to him so peace would be restored. Should I listen to Tilly? Is a man like this worth keeping?

—Eli

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