I and my husband live in a system of marriage where we both contribute to the payment of everything we consume in the house. We don’t have specific things assigned to each other. I will pay for the light today and he may pay for it tomorrow. I may pay for food this week and he will also do the same the following week. I was working and he was also working so it became very important for both of us to contribute to bring meaning to our existence. Two years after marriage, he brought the idea for us to buy a car. I didn’t know anything about cars so he went around scouting for what our money could afford. He got some and brought the bill. It was over GH₵40,000. I paid GH₵17,000 and he paid the rest. He was the one using the car.

He started having problems with his company. He was the accountant for the company. Senior accountant I must say. They audited him and certain things didn’t add up. According to him, he did no wrong. It was the owner of the company who came for the money they said was missing but from the company’s report, they couldn’t trace that amount so he was laid off. Not only that, he was asked to pay the money that was missing or face court issues. 

He had lost his job so how was he going to pay the money. He asked me for help. I didn’t have the amount he was asking for. At that time, everything I owned in my account couldn’t even pay half of the amount he owed. So the first thing we sold was the car. It could pay for something but not everything. There was a piece of land I bought from the company I’m working with. I paid for the land through monthly deductions. When the land was finally released to me, he helped construct a wall around the land to safeguard it. My husband was in trouble. He might go to jail for it if we don’t pay so we put the land on sale to pay off what he owed the company. The amount that was left to be paid was around GH₵7,000. I told him, “Talk to them. You’ve tried. You’ve paid over ninety percent of what you owe. Ask them to give you time to be able to gather money to pay what is left.”

He went negotiating with them. The company didn’t agree with him. They told him, “The money or jail. There’s no way in between.” He came back asking me to find a way to help; “Talk to your father. Talk to your siblings. Anyone at all who can help us pay. I promise you, once I’m back on my feet again, I will pay them off.” I told him, ‘Once you’re back on your feet isn’t an appropriate time. I can’t go to these people and ask them to give me a loan and then when they ask me when I’m going to pay. I tell them, “Once my husband is back on his feet. Who is going to listen to me?” 

But he was frustrated. He was out there every day trying to get the money from friends. One of our church executives spoke to me after church one day. He asked what was going on in my house and I told him, “Nothing. There’s nothing going on in the house.” He said, “Are you aware your husband is asking for a loan from the church?” I didn’t know anything about it but I didn’t want to paint the impression of a divided house so I told him, “Yeah I’m aware. We are going through a few hard patches. We need the money to solve an emergency that’s why he could come that far.” When I got home I asked him about it and got angry. 

He said I’ve been talking to people about our situation. He accused me of not being a supportive wife. He said so many things that didn’t align with the truth. Eventually, the church couldn’t give him the money because he couldn’t meet the requirement. He didn’t sleep at night. He didn’t eat his food. He would be walking in the house and be talking to himself. Even his own phone will ring and he wouldn’t pick up the phone. I was frustrated too. It’s not easy to see your husband go through that phase of life so one evening we had a conversation. He was virtually begging me to come through for him. I told him, “I will take a loan from the office for you but know this, if I succeed in getting the loan, they’ll start deducting from my salary. What it means is that we can no longer afford certain things in this house. We may eat but won’t eat to our fullest. We may have to prioritize and cut certain things off until you get a job.” He said, “No problem. Anything at all we have to do to pay off this money.”

Then I said, “Because I’m going to borrow money from the office. Immediately you get back on your feet again, you’re going to refund that amount.” He said, “Dear, you don’t have to even talk about it. I will pay and even add the interest.” So I put in an application and got the money for him. He started breathing easily. He slept well, regained his appetite, and started flourishing. Peace, perfect peace regained. We didn’t have a lot to rely on but the peace that came to our house again was satisfying. Even when we went hungry, we slept peacefully knowing that no one would come knocking on our door. We had faith. He started putting in the work to secure another job.

It wasn’t easy. I always look back to that moment of our lives and tell myself, ‘Girl you’ve been through a lot. Everything in us was put to a test but God being so good we survived. Our marriage survived and it was during those periods I saw the love of my husband shining. He would talk to me and say please. He would stay in the house and help with chores. When I went to work and left him in the house, he would cook and clean. It became easier for me to also put in my best to put food on the table all the time and also ensure the bills were paid. 

One day he had an interview. He came back home smiling. He said, “I’d been told I did very well so they will call me for another round of interviews.” He went again and aced it. Finally, he was offered the position. You can imagine the kind of joy that came to our house. We even went to church and offer a special thanksgiving to God. The pay was better than his last job. It came with allowances that were meaningful. My husband woke up each morning with a smile on his lips. He was back to the man he used to be and I could only be happy for him. He had worked for one year without talking about what he owes me. I was thinking we could sit down and plan on how to regain what we lost but he made no attempt.

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We were in bed one night when I asked him, “You remember that loan I took for you? I still haven’t finished paying for it. May I know when you will refund so I put it where I took it?” He said, “They are still deducting you? After all these months?” I had finished paying the loan long ago but that wasn’t the point of the discussion. I wanted to know when I was going to get the money back. He said, “Remind me at the end of the month. I would pay.” Immediately the month ended I reminded him. He said, “Eiii you won’t even allow some days to go by? I will pay you.” That month ended. Another one started and it ended. He didn’t pay. I went to him to remind him again and he got angry; “Give me a breathing space. I’m not the only one in this world who owes. I said I will pay and I’m going to pay.” I stopped asking, thinking he would do the right thing as time goes on. He didn’t so I brought it up again. He said, “You women are all the same. If I were the one who gave you the money, I wouldn’t have asked for it again. It’s something I would do for my wife and not ask for a refund but a woman won’t allow her money to go just like that.”

I felt he was being an ingrate. I lost my contribution in the car. I didn’t ask for it. I lost a piece of land I started paying for even before I got married to him. I paid for it singlehandedly. I lost it and didn’t ask him to pay it back. I’m asking for what he borrowed and he was there talking about women. For a very long time, he hasn’t made mention of the money. The annoying part is that since he got a job, we’ve fallen back to the system where we both contribute to everything in the house. I pay for light, I pay for food. When we had to renew our rent, I contributed but this man won’t pay what he owes. He won’t discuss how we are going to get what we lost back. He had stopped being the man he used to be when he lost his job. May God forgive me but there are days I wish he would lose his job again so he could go back to being humble. 

He throws his weight about as if he owes me nothing but whenever I think of it, it hurts my heart. The pain I had to go through and all the sacrifices I had to go through to be able to pay off that loan won’t let me forget. By all means, I want my money back. I think no matter how long it takes, I won’t forget about that money so I have to devise a way to get it so my heart can rest. I’m asking, what are the options available to me? Is there a way I can retrieve my money from him without affecting the structures of our marriage? Please help.  

—Amanda

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