I don’t know when I started thinking of becoming a nurse or when I started falling in love with the profession but I remember as far back when I was in junior high school and we were talking about future professions, I lifted up my hand and said, “I would want to be a nurse when I grow up.” I remember the teacher asking me why. I also remember giving her some reasons. I don’t remember what the reasons were or how sensible the reasons were but I said something anyway and the teacher nodded. Since then, I never looked back. It was everything I ever dreamed of. Whenever I was in the hospital, I watched the nurses. The way they went about their businesses. How they responded to the call of duty and how they helped the healing process of patients. I couldn’t wait to grow up and become one of them.
When I was in senior high school and about to complete school, my mother died. She died with my dream because she was the only anchor that was holding my ship down. I didn’t grow up with a father in my life. She was the father, the mother, the uncle, the grandparents, and everything. Life was hard for us but she always came through for me at the crucial moment. It wasn’t easy to pay fees but in the end, she paid anyway. It wasn’t easy to have money in my pocket while in school but in the end, she ensured that I had something to keep me afloat. She was doing everything for me to get to my dreams. But I think the suffering was too much for her. It weighed her down and later took her to her early grave.
The final days in school were very hard for me. I had to rely on unreliable relatives for my fees and the things I needed to complete school. It was just around that time that I met Asare, a guy who promised to make it all better for me. He didn’t propose to me when I was in school. He was helping me get through it successfully. He paid my last fees. He gave me pocket money. When I needed anything extra, he provided. He had his own business and the business was doing very well so he had the capacity to help me get through school. It was after SHS that he proposed to me and I accepted. I was nineteen going to twenty. I was a girl but life happened too quickly for me so I grew more than my age.
Asare wasn’t the kind of man who will ask you about the future but if you tell him, he’ll support you. So when my result came out and I didn’t do well, I told him I wanted to resit some of my papers. He agreed. He paid for the extra classes I attended and paid for my registration. Everything I needed, he was there to provide. I wrote the papers and did better than I did initially. It was time for me to take the next step to the dream of becoming a nurse. I told Asare about it and he asked, “You want to become a nurse?” He laughed. He said, “Why would you want to become a nurse? Of all the great professions in this world, it’s nursing that you want to do? Girl, think bigger than this. You can go to the university and become something better than a nurse. Think about it.”
He gave me money to buy university forms. I did but that year, I didn’t get an admission. He told me, “Your results need some retouch. Use the time available to polish them so you can get an admission next year.” Maths and English were my major problems. No matter how hard I studied, they became harder. I wrote the two again, and couldn’t better them. In the following years, I wrote those two again and the result was just around the same point. Nothing better. I told him, “I’ve already wasted three years in the house. The results I have can get me into nursing school so why don’t we try that options too?” He said “No. I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with a nurse. I’ve seen the work they do there. It’s not the kind of work I would like my wife to do. No. Even if the salary is good, it may have compensated. No, think about something else.”
I made it my job to convince him to accept my dream. So each day I nagged. When I was with him all I talked about was nursing. I had some money so I bought a nursing form without his knowledge. I went through the interview and later got picked. I didn’t know how to tell him that I’d gotten an admission. I knew he would be angry. If I could have it any other way, I would have chosen that than tell him that I’ve had an admission. When I told him he said, “You’ve chosen your path. I won’t stop you. You can go.”
He was cold with his answer. It didn’t come from a happy place so I started apologizing. He walked away and left me there. He wasn’t willing to give me anything since I’d disobeyed him. I went back to my unreliable relatives. Some gave me promises they never delivered. Some sang dirges of the hard times they themselves were going through. Few of them gave me something. I had enough to get me to school so I went to Asare and told him I was leaving for school. He was angry but what could I do?
For a whole year, this guy didn’t give me a face. I did all I could to get him to forgive me. I was virtually staying in his house on vacations, cooking, cleaning, washing, making his life better. He accepted my help but when I needed money for school he turned his back on me. He said, “I can’t support what I don’t like. When you’re ready to listen to me, I will give you all the help that you need.“ “So Asare, do you want me to stop the school? I’ve already done a year. You want all that to go down the drain?”
He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. In the second year, he softened his stands a little. He agreed to pay me a monthly allowance. Not sufficient for fees or anything but something I could rely on for my daily upkeep. I saved those little monies and used it to pay my fees. One day he wanted me to help with one of his shops. I was also about to start my clinical. He said, “No you can’t do clinical when I need someone to help me with the shop. You want me to hire and pay the person and later give you money?” I begged him. He said, “You see why I don’t like this your nursing thing. I told you but you won’t listen.” He hired someone. He stopped giving me money.
From there he was on and off my life until I completed school. I had no work to do because I hadn’t been posted yet. We were not even sure when we were going to get posted. He started making fun of me. “After going through all that hustle, look at your life now. Where his the job and where’s the money?” He ended up giving me two of his shops to manage. I was very good at it. I exceeded my target week in and week out. He paid me. He gave me allowances. He took me to beautiful places all in a bid to convince me to work with him instead of pursuing nursing. When our postings came and I told him, he screamed, “You’re out of your mind. You don’t know what is good for you in life. What is it about nursing that’s eating into your mind this much? You’re very ungrateful and I regret ever knowing you.”
He gave me an ultimatum; “If you go, it’s over between us, and this time I mean it.”
I started my shift the following month and he cursed the day he met me. But I wasn’t willing to let him go. He had been a good person and the anchor that held me down when my mom’s anchor sunk. I had a place of my own but I was always in his house doing things for him. He pushed me away but I went back. He said, “You can slave all your life here and I won’t take you back. In the night when I got closer to him, he would have sex with me and the following day pretend I was his enemy. I felt if I continued staying around, he would change his mind about me.
I went to him one day and met a girl there. I didn’t say anything. I just went to the kitchen and started cooking myself something. He came to the kitchen and asked me to leave. I asked why and he said, “Didn’t you see my girlfriend there?” To make matters worse, the girl also came to the kitchen and told me to know when my time is over. “Why are you forcing yourself to be with a man who doesn’t like you? Don’t you have shame?” I was very hungry so I kept cooking my food, finished it and ate before leaving them. In the evening he called to warn me, ‘If you ever come around here again, I will have you arrested. What sort of witchcraft is that?”
The next day I went there again. He didn’t push me out. He ended up sleeping with me and later pushed me to leave his house. He said, “Now I know it’s sex you want from me. I can always give you that but it won’t make me take you back.” I told him, “You love me and it’s obvious in the way you act. You’re only acting up because of what happened.”
When I was going through all this phase with him, there was a doctor at the hospital who was doing everything to get my attention. His shift would be over but he’ll wait for me and take me home. One evening, he said he was waiting for me. I told him, “This evening I would go to my boyfriend’s place so you don’t have to wait.” He said, “Who says I can’t drive you to your boyfriend?” Maybe he thought I was saying something just to push him away. I sat next to him in his beautiful car and he drove me to the doorstep of Asare. I said thank you and got down. He was going on a reverse when Asare came out. I waved at the doctor and he waved back. I thought I was making him jealous enough to reconsider his decision and take me back.
But that night was our worse night. That girl was there when I got there. He told me to leave and I said I wouldn’t. He said, “Why are you doing everything to destroy my relationship?” I said, “I didn’t ask you to go into a relationship with someone else. I’m not gone yet so you can’t have another.” I tried opening the door when he pulled my dress from behind. I lost my balance and fell off the stairs. I landed on my left cheek and got bruises. He looked at me and said, “If you try coming up again, I will pick you up and throw you away.” He walked into the room and locked the door.
I sat on the floor for about three minutes. I told myself, “It’s time to walk away. He’s getting violent.” I stopped calling him. I stopped going there. I stopped everything I was doing for him. It was hard but I had to try. I missed my mom. I cried. “If you were here, you would have been my anchor,” I said.
The doctor didn’t give up on me. He continued waiting for me. When I got into his car he asked me, “Home or to your boyfriend?” I would say, “I’m going home.” I will force a smile but my heart was breaking. One day I was in the doctor’s car when I started crying. I didn’t even realize tears were dropping on my cheeks until he asked, “Are you crying?” He burst my bubble. The tears started flowing like a fountain. He stopped along the way. He said, “You can take about it if you want to.”
I started from when my mother died and how I met Asare to the time he pulled me off the stairs. The doctor said, “He has made his decision so why don’t you respect it? You chose your dream over him. You want him to understand it. He chose someone over you and you don’t want to understand it? When a man you love tells you it’s over, you may linger and try to get him back but once he turns violent, it means he has nothing left for you. So move on.”
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Six months later I accepted the doctor’s proposal. He wasn’t willing to let me go. Some doctors would hide their relationships with nurses they’re in the same facility with but not this one. He would do everything for everyone to see that the relationship he has with me is beyond a working relationship. He’ll close first and wait for me. Sometimes my reliever would be late but he would be there, waiting for me so we go together. My heart slowly healed and it found warmth in his embrace.
And then Asare started calling me, begging me to come back to his life. He would come to the hospital looking for me because I wouldn’t go and see him. He would apologize for things he didn’t even do, “My life hasn’t been the same since you left. I’m sorry. I’m ready to make it up to you.”
I was too far gone to even entertain the thought of taking him back. I told him, “A lot has happened since that night you pulled me off your stairs. I still adore you. Had it not been for you, I wouldn’t have been here at this point in my life. I owe a lot to you but it ends there. There’s someone in my life already. He’s not the reason I’m saying no to you. If he wasn’t, I still would have said no to you because you took me through a lot I wouldn’t like to go back to. It’s ok. It’s not possible.”
When he was trying all he could to get me back, I was going up and down with preparations toward my marriage to the doctor.
Four years ago we got married. A year later we had our son. Just last year, we had our second child—a girl.
I think of all the moments I’ve lived in my life, this is my best moment. I’m living my best life now. Because the anchor that holds me now is so steady. Even when the clouds unfold their wings of strife, it doesn’t move. Always grounded firm and deep.
—Jackline
#MyHappyEnding
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