One day he invited me out to a place only lovers would go. We were not lovers so it got me thinking; “Is he going to propose? Is he going to tell me I’m the love of his life? And since he found me he hadn’t been sleeping well in the night?” He sat directly in front of me drinking, eating, and not saying anything. We had been friends for years. There were days he would drop hints that he likes me. I’ll soften my words and texturize my speech for him to know that if he proposes I would say yes. But he won’t propose. He won’t say the things men say to a girl they like. He would pretend he doesn’t feel a thing or he simply wants to be friends. “Or maybe he’s scared?” 

He’s scared to say what’s in his heart for me because men are men only when they are not in love. When they fall, they fall and crush their masculinity and become scared to propose. But that night I wasn’t going to allow him to pretend or act scared, so I took the lead: “Sammy, maybe you should tell me what’s in your mind so I’ll also have something to tell you. I can’t answer the questions in your head until you bring them out. Why are we here? What do you have to tell me that you had to bring me here?” 

That opened the flood gate. Not too wide. Just a little enough space so something can fall out. He said, “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for so long but…” And then he choked on the food he was eating. He took water. He hit his chest. He was alright but he tried to say something else. Changed the topic or something. I said, “So you were saying….” He picked it up from there. He was frank and he was brutal and he was straightforward. The reason for his inhibitions was Simone. A guy I’ve been very close to. He thought I was dating that guy. He thought I loved that guy so much and won’t leave him for anyone. I explained things to him; “we are just friends.” 

We left the place as lovers because he finally proposed and I said yes. 

One red flag that slowly unfurled right before my eyes at the beginning of the relationship was his jealousy. He tried to suppress it but it showed. I’ll be on the phone for a minute and he would ask me, “Who was that?” Saying “Oh it’s just a friend” won’t cut it for him. I have to go deeper to explain the kind of friendship, how long and how far. “He’s Danny. A long time friend bla bla bla…” “He’s James. His mother and my mother are old-time friends.” “She’s Suzy…” “She’s Ama….”

I was always telling him the history of people in my life. I was worried but then the worries became positive worries. I was like “Why is this guy so jealous?” Then the positivity kicked in…”He’s jealous because he loves you. Love at its root is jealousy. Even God is jealous and he guards us jealously from the devil. But Sammy’s jealousy hit the ceiling every now and then so we had a discussion about it; “Dear, I can understand your love for me and why you want to protect your interest in me. But can you tone it down a little? I love you. See, should I sit on the floor for you? You want to walk on me? How flat should I be on the floor so you can have a smooth walk? I will do anything for you because you’re the one I love. If you have all of me why then would you worry about the crumbs that fall off the table?” 

There’s something about people who sleep in church while the preaching is going on. You tap them to wake up and they tell you, “I’m not sleeping.” Sammy is just like those people. “I’m not jealous,” He would say and yet go ahead and act jealously. He said, “I’m not jealous. I’m only trying to know the people in your life.” 

One year in a relationship and there was no one in my life he didn’t know about. If I met someone on the street and he talked to me and got my number and I knew he would call, I will go to Sammy and update the list of friends in my life. I was transparent to a fault but that didn’t put him at ease. I remember one night my boss called while he was there. Immediately I picked up the call he said, “Put it on a loudspeaker.” I did. He heard everything my boss said. The instructions he gave me and how he ordered me around on the phone. After the call, he asked me, “Why would your boss call you at this time of the night? What’s going on between you two?” I answered, “Sammy you’re very sick in the head to ask me this question.” Of course, that answer didn’t come out of my mouth. I said it in my head. What came out of my mouth was, “You heard the conversation. Don’t ask me that question.” He concluded,”Ɛbon aa yɛ bɛti”  

My brother came to visit me not too long ago. Days before he visited, I told Sammy about it; “My elder brother has an interview. He would come around, spend a night or two here before he leaves.” He answered, “That’s great. I can’t wait to meet him and tell him all the heartbreak you’re giving me.” 

My brother came on Wednesday. Around 9pm Sammy called me. Guess the kind of medium he called me on. He called me on video. I understood his plan perfectly. He wanted to know if indeed the person who came to visit was my brother. He asked me, “Where’s your brother?” I answered, “He’s in the bathroom. Bathing.” A few seconds later, my brother entered the frame. He was in his boxer shorts and a towel hanging on his shoulder. He didn’t even know I was making a video call. Sammy asked, “Is that your brother?” I lifted the camera up so he could see the whole of him. He said, “Seriously?” I asked, “Why?” He said, “Why is your brother in a boxer short in your presence?” 

Just around that time, my brother came to lie next to me on the bed. Sammy saw him. He said,  “He’s sleeping next to you in his boxers? Is that normal? What’s going on?” So I got up and took the call outside. He was screaming on the phone; “Go back to the room let me see what will happen. Why have you left the room? He slept next to you. I want to see what he’ll do next.” I was getting angry at this point but I held on. I tried my best not to snap. He continued ranting. He continued insinuating that there was something going on between me and my brother. I screamed back, “Sammy don’t be silly. How can you even think of that? That I have something going on with my own brother? Or you didn’t see his face very well? That’s my brother we are talking about here.” He retorted, “He’s in boxers for crying out loud. Bare-chested and came to lie next to you. Why did you get up? Because you don’t want me to see what he would do next?”

He was pissing me off so I cut the call and went inside. He called back a thousand times but I didn’t pick up. To hell with him and his jealous demons. 

We are three siblings. I’m the only girl among two guys. I’m the second born. My parent didn’t live in a mansion. We lived in a two-bedroom house where my parents lived in one room and the rest of us in another room. We did everything together. Me and my brothers. Even when I was in the university, I came home and dressed up in front of my brothers. It didn’t bother any of us because that’s how we’ve lived all our lives. It was later in life that my brothers learned to go out when I needed to dress up. Even that, I could wear a pant and a bra in their presence just like they could be in their boxers in front of me. Adam and Eve in the garden kind of life. We never thought ill of each other so my brother being in boxers in my presence isn’t anything shocking but Sammy thinks otherwise. 

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He didn’t call again and didn’t pick up my calls until my brother left. I went to his place to fight it over with him. He said, “Don’t get closer to me. You’re an abomination if you could do that with your brother.” “Or this guy is getting crazy?” I asked in my head.” Nothing I said made sense to him. He pushed me out of his house and warned me not to step closer to him again. 

I felt ill-treated that day and said to myself, “This is the lowest I would allow myself to be dragged by a man who is supposed to love me. I won’t let this happen again. He didn’t call for days and I didn’t call too. One day he sent a text; “I want us to talk.” I didn’t respond. He called. “We have to talk about this dispassionately and this time you have to be truthful to me. What’s going on between you and your brother?” Before I cut the call I told him, “There’s something wrong with your head. Have it checked. Call me when you’re sane again.” I’ve avoided his calls since. 

But he never gives up. He comes to my house to seek reconciliation. Now he says we should forget about my brother’s issue and continue again. I’m not going to continue such a relationship with him again. Never would I go back but there’s one thing I’m picking from what happened. That’s, not all persons would be comfortable with the way I relate to my brothers. They may get it wrong when they see my brothers in boxers and in a room with me. That won’t happen again just as that relationship won’t happen again. I’ve learned so he should also learn to move on. 

—Charlotte

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