My elder sister was posted to a town to teach after completing teacher training college. She went to the town and fell in love with the man who helped her secure accommodation. When their relationship started, I was the one she talked to all the time. When the man came to visit her, she called to tell me. When the man proposed to her, she called to tell me. When the man spent his first night with her, she called to tell me. I was her confidant in everything she did. One day she told me, “Guess what? He says he’s going to marry me next year. Start polishing your wedding shoes.” I said, “I hope he’s not lying. If he’s lying, I will personally look for him wherever he is and deal with him.”

She said confidently, “It looks like you don’t know the person we are talking about here. He’s never made a promise to me that he didn’t deliver. Just wait and see.” 

I rushed to my mom and told her everything. In the end, I said, “Don’t tell her that I’ve told you ooo. I’m only gossiping. I’m the only one she had discussed this with so don’t go and mention it to her that I’ve told you.” The next evening, I was on the phone talking when my mom asked, “Is that Monica?” I said, “Yeah, that’s her.” She said, “Give me the phone let me talk to her.” She took the phone from me, and screamed, “Monica, you’re one silly girl. There’s such great news going on in your life and you think the best thing to do is hide it from me? Your mother? You’ll talk to your junior sister about it and not me? Who is that man? If he doesn’t have money, don’t bring him here.”

That’s how my mother got to know about everything concerning the love life of my senior sister. The next thing I heard from Monica was, “I’m pregnant.” I asked, “How? How is that possible? From I’m getting married next years to I’m pregnant? How did that happen?” She answered, “I don’t know. I’m really confused as to why I allowed myself to go through this.” I asked, “Who is responsible?” She said, “Who else can be responsible apart from the man?” 

All the while we were talking, she never mentioned the man by his name. We referred to him as ‘the man’ so I got the impression of a man in his late fifties. Later he told me his name was Ntim and he was in his early forties. I asked her, “Should I tell mom about it? She screamed, “Don’t you dare tell her anything? Why are you always in a hurry to tell her the things I tell you? Is it that you can’t keep a secret? Or I’m a fool for confiding in my younger sister? Don’t try it.” When we talked, I kept asking her when she was going to talk to mom about it. She kept telling me there were issues she had to clear before announcing it to our mother. 

Two months later, I couldn’t stand her excuses. I didn’t want my mother to blame me for knowing something and not telling her so I went to my mom while she was sleeping. I said, “Mom, I’m going to tell you something. I swear, if I tell you and you later ask Monica, it would be the last time I’ll tell you anything about her. Even this one, I’m trying to tell you because I don’t want you to know it later and blame me for not telling you. But it’s your last chance. Promise me you won’t ask her anything.” She said calmly, “You know I won’t. I hope it’s not anything serious.” I told her, “It’s serious than you can ever think of. You remember the man I told you about? The one she said she was going to marry him next year, you remember? Yes, that man has impregnated her. She’s two months pregnant now.”

My mother jumped out of bed while shouting, “This can’t be true! No Monica can’t be pregnant. Two months and she won’t tell me? What is she waiting for? Call her. Put her on the phone right away!” “But Mom, you said you won’t tell her anything? Why should I put her on the phone?” I asked. She said, “This is not the kind of gossip you keep. I can’t keep quiet. Put her on the phone quickly!” 

When Monica picked the phone she said calmly, “So when are you planning to tell me that you’re pregnant? Should it always come from your junior sister? Are you scared of me? What should I do for you to trust me with your secret again? Tell that man that he should come and perform the traditional marriage before the bump begins to show. I don’t want bastards in my house.” My sister didn’t say a word. She didn’t try to explain herself. She just kept quiet and listened to my mom’s rants. When my mom dropped the call, Monica called back. She said,  “This is the last time I will tell you anything. Mark it on the wall.”

Then she cut the line. 

 One day, my mother went to where she was teaching and came back with the details. The man was going through a divorce when he met my sister. He told her that his divorce would be finalized after a few months. After the divorce, he would pick Monica by the hand and walk her to the altar. I don’t know why Monica accepted that arrangement. I don’t know what the man opened to her. The Monica I knew wasn’t naive but when it comes to love anything at all can happen. When they met the man my mother asked him, “So how far with your divorce and what’s your intention when it comes to my daughter?” The man said, “I’m still in the process. Nothing is finalized. I would hold on with the marriage now while she goes through maternity. After delivery, I would perform the naming and the traditional marriage together.”

Monica gave birth but the man never followed through with his promise. He never came home to name the child. So the child exists in name but the man never claimed her. To add salt to injury, the man got married to another woman when their child was only three years old. It broke my sister. She was crying for days. It wasn’t a vacation but she came home and stayed for over a week. All she did was cry and avoid talking to anyone else. My mom and I did our best for her. “It isn’t the end of the world,” I said. “Look to the future with pride because you loved. Not because you failed.” When someone is broken, nothing you say can take them out until they accept to heal from within. 

She went back to her station and left the child with my mother. Currently, the child is fifteen years and still lives with my mother. She knows her mother. She calls her mom and calls me ‘aunt’ and calls my mother ‘grandma.’ She knows our positions in her life. The only difference is that she doesn’t know who her father is. Monica warned me, ”Don’t say anything to her concerning her father. It’s not your place to tell her. When she’s of age and I’m ready to talk about my past, I will tell her myself. Everything. So don’t.” She said the same thing to my mother.

 Four years ago I got married and left my mother’s house. I went back home one day and Monica’s daughter ran to me. She was whispering. She was feeling down. She asked me, “Do you know my father? Can you tell me about him? I want to see him.”

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She has asked my mother the same question countless times but she’s not ready to talk about it because of the warning. Monica also doesn’t have a good relationship with her own daughter. She insults her at any given opportunity. She would shout at her and even deny her money. When the child asks, she will scream, “Go to that your stupid father and ask him for money.” For some reason, the girl thinks her father is the solution to all her problems. She thinks her father would be a better option than her mother because of the bad relationship between her and Monica. 

Days ago she came to me when I went to the house. She was crying. She wants to go to her father. She wants to know her father. To me, there’s nothing wrong if she knows the truth. She’s fifteen. She can deal with the information. It all depends on how we’ll relay the information to her but my sister thinks it’s not the right time to tell her and she’s not ready to talk about it. The way things are going, I don’t think she’ll ever be ready to talk to her daughter about the truth. I want to tell her myself. To free her from searching. You may think she’s too young but the feeling she’s going through makes things worse for me. I can’t stand the way she comes to me constantly begging me to tell her the truth. I want to ask. Is it ok if I tell her? 

I’ve discussed this with my mother and she said, “I wish she knows the truth but I won’t be the one to tell her.” I don’t mind being the one to tell her. As far as the girl can be free and happy, I don’t mind. The question now is, is it right for me to say it? Knowing Monica, she would never be ready and this innocent girl would keep suffering.

–Leila

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