Anna was there when my last relationship came to an end. It didn’t hurt too much. I saw it coming. I tried to prevent it from happening. The foundation became weaker each day. I was the one trying to hold it firm on the ground. When it got to the point where I couldn’t hold it down again, I left it. I left it to stand on its own and see what would happen. It took just a little wind to bring the whole thing down to its knees. He was trying to take the blame; “It’s not you. You’re not at fault in any way. Life changes sometimes. You can blame me for all the things that happened. It’s ok.” I told him I saw it coming so I was ready for it. It was like the storm that was announced through weather forecasting. You build fences. Or you leave the danger zone before the storm hits. My heart left the relationship so when the storm hit, I was shielded.

Anna tried to put us back together. She was friends with me and also friends with my boyfriend. She was going back and forth with it until I told her to give it a break. “Who are you trying to fix this for, me or him? If it’s me, I say I don’t want it again. If it’s him, he’s been over it long before the final whistle. It’s fruitless to try to patch what doesn’t want to be patched.”

That was four years ago. I stayed off relationships and I stayed off love. No love, no heartbreak, and definitely no waste of time. I woke up, went to work, came back home in one full piece, and slept like a baby. But Anna didn’t like it. She felt I deserved better. She always told me, “Bella, you’re a good woman. Any man whose heart is in the right place would easily find a good wife in you and I know it. Why don’t you try it again? Why don’t you put yourself out there again and be found? We are not getting younger, remember?” I responded, “I’m out there already. Whoever wants me should come to my room. He’ll find me sleeping.” 

And then Anna got married. That was 2019. I was the chief executive officer for her wedding enterprise. We went out together to get things done. We met vendors and negotiated for things that we needed for the wedding. One day I was in the market with her when she had a call. She was hyper with happiness when talking to the person on the phone. It sounded like someone she hadn’t seen for so many years. A good person who disappeared and had resurfaced out of the blue. She said, “I would be happy to see you. In fact, it would be my honor.” She cut the call with laughter still flourishing on her face. She said, “Can you imagine? We were at level three hundred when he traveled abroad. I’ve never heard from him again until today. He said he saw my wedding invitation on Facebook. He’s in town so he would come to the wedding.”

I didn’t ask about him and we didn’t talk about him until the wedding day when we both met this old friend of his. It was after the reception when I saw the two of them talking. I needed Anna’s attention so I went there to have a talk with her. I greeted the guy first and called Anna on the side for a brief moment. It didn’t last for even a minute and I left the two of them. When Anna came back she told me, “My friend wants to talk to you.” I asked, “For? How can we have something to talk about? He doesn’t even know me.” Anna has a particular smile she smiles when she’s fixing something mischievous. She gave me that smile. I said, “No. Anna no.” She said, “Nooo, I didn’t do anything. He asked about you after you left and said he wants to talk to you. I didn’t have any part to play in this, trust me.”

So I met the guy and he introduced himself to me. “I’m P.K. ‘P’ for Paa and ‘K’ for Kwame. P.K for short. I got your name from Anna. Bella, right?” I nodded my head. He said, “Do you mind if I get your number? You’re a friend to Anna so it makes things easier. I want us to know each other. That’s all I want.” I gave him my number and he called right there so I would get his number. We shook hands and we parted. 

A day later Anna called to ask if he has called me. I told her, “Keep quiet over there and enjoy your honeymoon. How does that concern you at this moment?” But she never stopped. She kept calling and asking if he has called. It took him three days before he called. The call lasted for a little over a minute. We didn’t have a lot to talk about after we got over the “how are you” stage but he called the following day and the next until we both decided to meet on a date. He was there before me. He saw me coming and he got up, pull my seat, and sat after I’d sat down. “Wow, he’s a gentleman. The first time something of this sort happening to me.” I said in my head. We stayed for over two hours talking about our lives in general and nothing specifically. 

It was a great night for me.

He was the only one calling at first. After the first date, I started calling and checking up on him every now and then. We met again. It was that night he told me that he would be going back to the UK in the next four days. I said, “Awww so soon.” He said, “I’ve been here for two months already. It’s too bad I didn’t meet you earlier.” He proposed that night. I said, “Let’s give it a little bit of time. Go back and let’s see if we can keep building on this friendship we’ve started. If we keep getting stronger, then why not? We can take a step further and see what the future holds for us.” He wasn’t happy that I didn’t say yes right there and there but he got my point. He kept telling me how he had fallen for me right from day one and how he couldn’t wait to have me as his girlfriend. All I said was, “Time is the best fixer. Let’s give it time.”

He went and we kept talking. He would send me pictures of his day. He would tell me what went well and what didn’t go well. In the night, we’ll have a lengthy video call until we both start to yawn. While he was there giving me pressure to accept his proposal, Anna was also here pushing me to say yes because he’s a good guy. 

I said yes eventually. I mean there was no other answer than yes. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have allowed him into my space. We love the people we talk to often. It’s the reason we talk to them in the first place. He was happy to have me and I was happy to have a man like him. His plan was to come back to Ghana in 2020 but Covid happened. He even got the Covid and survived. All his plans to come to Ghana were put on hold until further notice. At some point, communication started to suffer. He lost his job during the Covid and was always under pressure to get a new one. I gave him space. He called when he wanted and I didn’t complain. He found a new job and he was back to normal again.

He was in Ghana last December. Guess who was at the airport to meet him. Me!

When he landed, he booked a hotel. He said he was going to spend the night there because he didn’t want to go home just yet. I was with him until it was late. I told him I was leaving. He said, “Oh but I thought you were going to spend the night with me. What are you going to do in the hose that you have to go by all means?” I said, “It wasn’t part of the plan when we agreed to meet at the airport so I didn’t come along with anything. If I bath tonight I don’t have anything to change into. I will go to work tomorrow. How do I go from here to work if I don’t go home first?” He said, “Don’t worry. We can buy all these things? There should be a shop where you can get new clothes and whatever you need.” I said, “No, it would be a waste of money. You’ll definitely check out from here and go home. There’s more time once you’re here.”

His action put me on red alert. Like he was in a hurry to finish me. If I had any intention of doing anything with him, that single act that night made me think twice. The following day he called to tell me that he was in the house so I should visit. After work, I went there. Again he insisted for me to sleepover. Again, I resisted. I gave excuses. Later I told him I wanted to slow things down. He thought I was playing hard to get. I thought he was overspeeding. Yes, our relationship was over a year but within that year, we’ve lived together for only a couple of weeks. I’m not the kind of person who gives rules when it comes to sex. I like it when it happens naturally. When our emotions intertwine and we do it. I want it that way than someone working hard to get it by all means. 

So he started making promises. “I brought you dresses, shoes, and perfumes. It’s on the way coming.” I had doubts but I was waiting patiently to be pleasantly surprised. “He never asked of my dress size nor my shoe size. How was he able to get those things for me? Or he’s good at guessing sizes?” Those things never came. Another day he called for me to escort him to a friend’s place. I did. After running errands the whole day he said, ”I know today you’re going to spend the night with me. It’s the weekend. We can have all weekend to ourselves, eat, drink and have fun.” I agreed. 

Immediately we got into his room, he jumped on me trying to kiss and touch me at awkward places. I said in my head, “So this guy doesn’t know how to create an environment that builds up to a moment where it becomes natural to just go for it? Is he not the same person who pulled the chair for me at the restaurant? What changed?” So I pushed him off me and he got angry. It turned into an exchange of words so I left his place. We never talked for days until he called Anna and complained to her. Ana called for me to meet her. I got there and he was there. We thrashed out our differences. I told him what I didn’t like about him and he also did the same. We agreed to be better going forward.

He was leaving Ghana on the 27th of December. On 26th, he called for me to meet him on a date before he leaves. I did. It was a very expensive place. My first time stepping foot into that hotel though it’s a popular place on social media. He ordered and asked me to order too. I said, “I’m not familiar with the things on the menu. Just order anything for me.” He did. The food came and it was nice. He kept ordering even when I said I was full. I don’t know if he was trying to get me drunk but I was very careful with the drink. He asked, “Are we spending the night together tonight? You know it’s my last day in Ghana.” I said, “You called for a date. I didn’t know we were going to end up spending the night together. I didn’t prepare. I’m even in my menses. My sanitary towels wouldn’t last a night.” 

Immediately I said that his mood changed. He didn’t talk until they brought the bill. He tapped his left pocket and tapped on his right pocket. He got up from his seat and started looking around. I asked, “what is it?” He said, “It looks like I didn’t bring my wallet here.” He slapped his forehead and said, “Wow, I left it on my table in the house. How are we going to pay for this?” He was restless, looking around as if by a miracle the wallet would appear from the sky. He told me, “Settle the bill for me. When I get home I will refund.” I looked at his face again trying to think through what was happening. I checked the bill and it was a little over GHC1,500. I responded, “I didn’t bring much money on me. I can’t pay.” His voice started getting louder. “So you mean you don’t have anything in your big purse? Noting on your phone? How about your debit card? You don’t have any of these here?

“No, I don’t. Even if I did, this would be too much for me to pay.” 

“You’re not paying for me. I will refund.” 

“No, I don’t have that much.” 

“So you mean if I look into your purse, I will not see anything there?” 

“Why would you look into my purse? You don’t believe that I don’t have that much? Well, I don’t.” 

“You’re selfish. I don’t know how I got involved with you. You always think of yourself first and no one else. How can you come to a place like this and say you didn’t bring anything?”

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I took a look at the bill once more and called the waitress. I told her, “I want to pay half of the bill with mobile money. How do I go about it?” I paid half, got up from my seat, and wished him a good night.” While he was there talking and calling me names, I was on my way walking out of the hotel. I called Anna on my way. I told her, “When he calls you talking stupid about me, tell him I say it’s over and I don’t want to hear his voice again.”

I don’t know how he settled his bill and I don’t know how the night ended for him. In the morning he sent a message calling me selfish and telling me no man will ever like to be with a woman like me: “No wonder I met you single at your age. I should have asked questions before I walked into your life.” I didn’t give him the dignity of a response. There was no need. 

Someone who said he was leaving Ghana on the 27th was still in Ghana as late as 1st January. It was obvious. All he wanted to do was sleep with me or turn me into the girl he sleeps with when he comes to Ghana. I didn’t give him that chance so he wanted me to pay for it in a special way. I’m a nobody’s fool so I didn’t fall for his tricks.           

–Bella

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