I first saw him when I traveled with my father to his hometown. I think that was the first time my father saw him too after several years, judging from the kind of conversation they had. My dad calls him Odeshie but his name is Mark. After exchanging pleasantries with each other and talking about the times when they were youth, the man asked my dad, “Who is this one with you?” My dad said, “Oh pardon my manners. This is my daughter. She’s the last of three kids. My baby last.” The man shook hands with me. He said, “Your father was a bad boy when we were young but see how God has turned him around. Don’t believe him when he tells you that he was a good boy when growing up. He wasn’t.” We all had a hearty laugh and parted ways.

When we parted, my dad said, “He’s a very good man and very rich. He built the first hospital for this village and went ahead to build schools and also renovated some of the schools around. They worship him around here because of what he gives to the village. I sat in the same class with him until we lost touch after school. The last time I met him was when his wife died three years ago and here we are again.” I said, “He looks younger than his age.” My dad said, “That’s what you get when you have money. You can cheat life and keep your younger self for a while. I’m glad he’s doing fine.”

I was at level hundred when we had this encounter with the man. A year later, my dad came to visit me on campus in a black Mercedes Benz. He called me on phone and showed me where he was standing. When I got there he wasn’t there so I called back; “Dad, where are you?” He said, “I see you. Keep walking until you get to the black car.” I got there and he came out of the car. I said in my head, “Whose car is my dad riding in?” Before I could say a word, Odeshie stepped out from the other side of the car. My dad asked me, “Do you remember this man?” I did but I pretended I didn’t remember him. I said, “No I don’t but he looks familiar.” He said, “You young kids forget very easily these days. What do you have in your mind that you can’t keep good information there? This is Odeshie. You remember the man we met at the village the last time we went there?”

I said, ”Oh yeah, your schoolmate…” My dad responded, “Yes, my schoolmate and a friend. He’s here to pay you a visit.” In my mind, I was like, “To pay me a visit? What did I do to deserve a visit from him?” But I smiled and said, “Wow, that’s nice of him.” We shook hands again. He asked how I was doing and how school was treating me. I told him everything was great. Then my father told me the real reason why they were there. He said, “I should have waited until you come home but when it comes to issues like this, the faster the better.” The man said, “Why don’t we sit down first?” So we all sat in the car while my dad narrated their mission.

He said, “You’re not a child. At twenty-three, you’re old enough to understand how the world goes. You’re old enough to understand what we are here to tell you. Right after school what next? Life, right? You’ll look for a job and then begin to start a family of your own. God has been good to us. He has cut down all those stress for us. My friend here wants to marry you right after school. I told you about him already. You know his status in life and I can confirm to you that he’ll treat you well. There’s nothing to fear. I have agreed and your mother too is in favour. What’s left is for you to know. I came here with him so you can hear everything from the horse’s own mouth.”

I was angry. I was disappointed. I felt embarrassed and felt caged but I had to comport myself so I don’t cause embarrassment for my family. I took a long breath and said, “I’m shocked this is coming to me at this moment. It was so unexpected so I will ask for time to think about it.” The man said, “My lady, you have all the time to think about it. I expected that so feel free. I’m a man of patience. I will wait for your answer whenever you feel like giving me one.” My dad chipped in; “We all know what the answer will be in the end so kindly don’t take forever.”

When they left I called my mother; “Mom, why didn’t you call me to inform me before they got here? And you both accepted that I should marry a man as old as my dad? What has come over you two? What did he give you two that you have to give me away, life?” My mother was calm. She said, “When a man proposes to you, you have two options: You say yes or you say no. You say what makes you happy. It’s not a death sentence. If you don’t like him, just say you don’t like him. What’s the anger about?” I screamed, “I don’t like him. I don’t like him today or tomorrow but I’m angry you two would entertain him in the first place.” She said, “Call your father this evening and tell him how you feel. He will understand.”

I called my dad. I told him my mind. I blamed him for everything. He said, “If you say you don’t like him, it’s not force but think carefully about it. What do you stand to lose when you say yes? Nothing. What do you stand to gain when you say no? Everything. Just think about it.” I said, “If you give me a thousand years to think about it, the answer will still be a big no.”

Weeks later, I needed money so I called my dad. He said, “I don’t have it. You know the two of us struggle before we make ends meet these days. We’ve paid your fees and everything. We’ve done well. You can ask your brothers if they can help. I’m running on an empty tank currently.” I called my senior brother. He had been the pillar for me in times of need. He helped pay my fees often and did a lot of things to help me get an education. When I called he said, “You said no to a man who could change your destiny and you’re here worrying about pocket money? You think he wouldn’t give you more when you say yes to him?”

My brother also turned his back on me. My other brother doesn’t have much so I didn’t call him. But he called me later to tell me the same thing that my other brother told me. He went further to say, “It’s not only your destiny that’s at stake here. We are all involved. If you say yes, the whole family stands to benefit but your selfish self won’t allow you.” 

Just when I was about to give up on my family my phone beeped. I checked, and it was a mobile money alert. Guess who sent it…my mother. When I called she said, “Don’t mention it anywhere that I gave you money. I will find a way to take from them and give it to you when you need it. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” 

READ ALSO: He Left The Relationship Because My Dog Barked At Him

When we had a family meeting to discuss the man’s proposal, it was my mother who was the loudest, ”You’re a woman. You’ll definitely get married to a man. You’re lucky to have a man like him chase after you and you’re here acting silly? Change your mind and allow him to help you. No one here is ready to help if you don’t say yes to the man.” Her voice will be louder than everyone in the room but later when we are alone, she’ll walk up to me and say,” Don’t mind them. Love is not by force. He has the right to choose. You also have the same right.”

The man calls often to ask for a progress report. I’m always respectful towards him. I’ve told him to give me time to complete school so I can make a decision afterwards. He said he wanted to be sure so he could plan appropriately. I said I couldn’t make any decision while in school. He said I should call him whenever I need something. I say Ok to him but I’ve never called him. I don’t want to take favors from him so I will be indebted to him in any way. Soon, I will complete school and go home. Then I will tell him no so I can move on with my life. Whoever wants his destiny changed through me should start working to change their own destiny. I won’t be their messiah—suffer in a loveless relationship forever while they pluck the fruit of my suffering. It won’t happen.

Thanks to my mom’s trick, everything is working just fine and I’m forever grateful to a mother like her.

–Petra

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.