I don’t like talking about my past but I don’t know what came over me that day. I didn’t wake up one day to become who I am today. I’ve met a lot of people along the way who influenced my life both positively and negatively. Even those who influenced my life negatively, I learned a thing or two from them. They are the reason I know what I want in life. They are the reason I know how I want to be treated. 

One of such guys who had a very bad influence on my life is my ex, Simon. He’s a musician. A very popular musician in our space currently. I met him through a friend and I got star-struck. He took my number from my friend and called one night. He mentioned his name. He said, “I want to see you again. You’re so fine I don’t mind having you around every day.” I asked him, “Where should I meet you? What time?” He said, “Just let me know when you’re in town, I will come around and pick you wherever you are.” I called that friend through whom I got to meet Simon. She said, “Be careful with him. He’s no good.”

I thought she was jealous. She had been in his space all this while but didn’t get the invitation that I was getting. I rushed out of the house, got to town, and gave him a call. Minutes later he was there with his friends. The guy sitting next to him at the front vacated his seat for me. I went in, sat next to him, and that very day I allowed him to kiss me. When the kiss happened, I called my friend and told her. “Baaba, Simon kissed me. She said, “Just now you’ve allowed yourself to be kissed?” I said, “He likes me. He looks genuine about it.” She said, “Don’t fall for his tricks. He’s like that with everyone at first until he finishes using you.” 

I said in my head, “Jealousy go kill you. He likes me. I like him too. I won’t let this opportunity pass me by.” Days later I was spending nights with him. I was always with him wherever he went. I told friends about my relationship with him. I talked about him on Facebook. I shared photos of us on Instagram. He was everything to me. 

Four or five months later, he started missing my calls. He never called back. I went to his house one evening and his guys didn’t allow me to go in. They said, “He’s not there.” I said, “I will wait for him,” They said, “Sorry you can’t wait for him. We don’t know who else he may come home with.” These were guys I called friends. These were guys who were always around when  Simon called me his wife. They knew me and knew my position in his life so why would they deny me access?  I huffed and puffed but they didn’t allow me. I stood outside for hours until I got tired and went home. The next day he sent me a message, “You can’t come here when I haven’t invited you. And you can’t call me anyhow. Wait, when I need you, I will call you.”

The relationship was only four or five months old so the feeling for him was still fresh. I stayed and didn’t contact him. He will call once in a while and I would be by his side and have the time of my life. I knew I wouldn’t get it every day so each day I had that opportunity, I made sure I really made use of it. 

I got pregnant. I couldn’t tell him about it because I knew what he would say. I took things in my own hand and had it resolved. His calls stopped coming until one day I called him and he asked, “Who is this?” I said, “Never mind.” I hang up and never called him again. He never called again too. When the time came for me to move on, it didn’t hurt. It didn’t burn like how true love burns when it suddenly comes to an end. I called that my friend through whom I got to meet Simon. She said, “I knew how it would end but sadly, you were blinded by lust so you didn’t hear me.” 

She didn’t cut me off. She stayed close and saw me through the transition. All this happened four years ago. I’ve met and dated two different guys within these four years but I never mention my relationship with Simon to them. There was nothing in there to be proud of. My current boyfriend asked me about my past life. That was before he proposed. I told him about the hurt and the mistakes. I never mentioned Simon. We started dating. Along the line, I realized he loved Simon’s music. He knows how to sing every song of his. Whenever we were in a car and Simon’s song came on the radio, he’ll sing every line. He’ll tell me how he’s madly in love with Simon.

One day, he asked me, “What’s the greatest mistake you’ve ever done when it comes to relationships?” I said, “Dating Simon.” He asked, “What? Which Simon are you talking about?” I said the same Simon you know.” He laughed. He said, “You’re joking right?” I said, “If you go through my photos on Instagram four years ago, you’ll see photos of us. We dated. I won’t lie to you.” He was quiet. He asked, “You mean you dated that guy?” How did it happen? How did you even meet him? And how did it end?” I said, “It’s a long story.” 

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I told him everything. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I was eager to prove to him that I really dated him. I said a whole lot of things to him. I went deeper with the secretes. I don’t discuss my past but that day I went all out and said everything. I’ve hushed that story inside of me for so long. It needed telling. I needed someone to hear it and tell me, “Girl, it’s alright. That’s your past, let’s move on.” After telling him everything, I felt lighter. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my back. He was quiet. He asked, “What will make a girl like you date that guy?”

I thought he was speaking from a place of sympathy. Not knowing he was judging me. He stopped calling. He started giving me an attitude. Like I was not worth his time and consideration. Finally, when I cornered him to explain his new behavior to me he said, “I was shocked you dated that thing. Who knows, he might have given you HIV. Naaa, I can’t take someone Simon has rejected. It’s not a good thing to take.” 

He called him a thing. I said, “I thought you love him? I thought he was your idol?” He said, “I love his work. Not his personality. I still insist, a girl your kind shouldn’t be involved with a guy like him.” I said, “It happened four years ago? That’s too long ago.” He said, “It doesn’t change a thing.” He left me though I did everything to keep him.

Three months later, he’s back. He wants me back into his life. He said, “When I said I was leaving you, I thought you’ll fight against it. To me, you didn’t do enough to prove the depth of your love for me but that’s ok. I’ve changed my mind. Let’s take it from where it ended.” I said no but he had been coming back every day trying to get a yes from me. 

Should I take him back? Yes, I love him. We didn’t have any major incidents when we were dating until I told him about my past. Left to me alone, I will give him another chance but what if he continues using my past against me? That’s my fear.    

–Leonie

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