The first time I witness the signs of his jealousy was the day I took him to our end-of-year party and awards. That year, I walked home with two awards. I won the overall worker of the year and also won the best Worker in my department. Each time they mentioned my name and I walked the aisle for the award, everyone in the hall got up and clapped until I took my award. My husband never got up. He never clapped. I was expecting a hug from him each time I came to my seat but he never did. He sat there, indifferent as if he didn’t know what was going on. I had to make excuses for him to be able to feel better about his attitude. I said to myself, “Maybe he’s shy. It’s his first time among my colleagues. That’s expected.”

When we were in the car going home, I was expecting him to say something to me or even ask about the awards. He didn’t. I had a washing machine and a 55” smart Tv plus money. I started opening the envelope to see how much was in the envelope. I said, “Darling, can you imagine? Each envelope contains GH₵2000. What can we do with it? Should we just go out there and chill with it? After all, it’s Xmas.” He didn’t say anything. He was giving me cold treatment as if I had wrong him in some way. In the middle of the way home I asked, “Dear, is anything wrong?” He shook his head. He said, “There’s nothing wrong. Why did you ask?” I said, “You’ve been quiet all night. Your wife picked two awards in the night. You didn’t say anything. I’m asking you a question and you’re giving me a cold shoulder. What’s wrong?”

He still didn’t say anything. When we got home, he got out of the car and went straight to the hall. I single-handedly carried the TV and the washing machine from the car to the hall. When I got to the hall with the TV he asked, “What are we supposed to do with these things? We already have them.” I said, “Both are bigger than what we have here. We can use them and send the old ones to our parents—mine or yours.” He chuckled. He said, “If you like send them to your parents. I like what we already have here. The size is perfect for the house.”

Days later, we were having a conversation when the awards came up. He said, “If you’re the overall best worker in your company, then I wonder what the rest were doing all year. Do they work at all?” I asked, “What do you mean? You think I don’t deserve the awards? You don’t even work with us so how can you judge?” He said, “Am I not living in this same house with you? Don’t I see the time you go to work and the time you return from work? Best worker indeed.” I laughed. I said, “No prophet is ever received in his hometown. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Last year, during the heat of Covid, the company did restructuring. It affected some workers. Some were laid off and some were made to take up more responsibilities. I was one of those workers who were made to take up more responsibilities. That came with salary increments and other perks and benefits. Immediately I got home I told my husband. I said, “This is like a promotion for me because for three years I haven’t moved from my position until this one.” All I expected was a congratulation from him but I guess I expected too much. He said, “Instead of feeling sad for those who lost their work, you’re here jubilating. winning over someone’s loss isn’t a proper win. You should pray for those who lost their work. You took their work from them and there’s no honor in that?”

I was stunned.  I said, “Dear, why do you always say negative things about my achievement at work? Is it that you don’t see anything good in me or it’s the company I work for that you don’t respect?” He said, “The truth has to be told at all times. If anyone told me what you just told me, I would have said exactly what I’ve said to you. That’s the truth. It hurts but it heals.”

I decided not to tell him anything concerning my work again. His demeanor towards my career growth was getting suffocating. This is a man who jubilated in front of me because his company selected him for inspection work in another town. It’s not even abroad ooo. Local travel. That night my ears didn’t hear anything else apart from that travel. He talked about the hotel he was going to sleep in and the good food the hotel was going to serve him. He talked about how good the per diem was. He was just happy about the little things. I was happy for his happiness. I urged him on. I was glad he was happy about something. 

A few months ago, I got another big promotion at work. One of the managers resigned and for several months I was the one acting in the manager’s position. For months, I kept it to myself because I didn’t want him to spit on my grace. A month ago, I was confirmed as the substantive manager. I couldn’t keep it from him because the position came with a car and other physical benefits. 

I gave him the appointment letter so he’ll know everything pertaining to the position. He read it, looked into my face, and asked, “Which of the top managers in your company are you ‘playing’ with? It looks like if they had an employee like me, they would have given the whole company to me to manage it. What’s your secret?” I said, “Retract that your first sentence. It’s demeaning. Why would you think that of me? We’ve been married for five years. I’ve carried your child. I do everything a wife is supposed to do but I don’t allow that to affect my progress. I go to work and shine so I can deserve favors like these but all you can think of is me ‘playing’ with top management? Retract!”

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It turned into an argument. He said he was playing. And then he said, “Maybe you’re angry because there’s some truth in what I said. If not, you wouldn’t act the way you’re acting.” He never apologized but I forgave him. From there, he started pushing some of his responsibilities on me because according to him, my salary was bigger than his. I didn’t complain. I’ve come to accept that change and I do it with all the pride in me because, in the end, I’m helping build a household.

I have kept natural hair since we got married. Recently it has become very hard to deal with. I thought of cutting my hair so I can save some of the time I spend in front of the mirror. I told him, “I want to cut my hair. It’s too much for me to handle now.” He said, “Is that what the top manager wants or you’re facing competition from another girl?” That day I cried. I don’t even know where the tears came from or when it started. I saw myself sobbing endlessly. 

That evening I told him, “I have fifteen employees under me. Nine of them are men. They respect me. They worship the ground I walk. I give that respect back to them because I see them as you. They also have families. Those men don’t know me as you do. They don’t benefit from me like you do but they give me my respect. I’m not asking for too much from you. Why don’t you give me the respect every average man gives to his wife? Is that too much to ask?” Again he said he was joking with me and I’m the one taking it seriously. I asked, “So why is your joke always centered around that topic? Since when did you lose your sense of humor?” He chuckled and went away. He never said sorry or even showed remorse for his actions. 

How do I deal with a man like this? How do I make him respect my achievement? How do I make him stop saying those hurtful things to me?  I’ve tried to make him see that my success is equally his. That’s why I’ve even taken up more responsibilities in the house than him yet he keeps belittling my effort and it hurts me to the core. How do I get him to change?

–Jewel

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