He said it right from the start that he had a son. He said, “I don’t want us to get far before I tell you. I have a son. He’s six years old and he lives with his mother in Germany.” I asked him, ” You and the mother are no longer together?” He screamed, “Hell no! I can’t be with that girl. It pains me a lot that we’ll forever be connected to each other because of our son. Had it not been that, she’s a woman I wouldn’t like to have any dealings with.”
He said it with a tint of bitterness in his voice. After saying all that, his mood changed. I told him, “Sorry I brought the past up. I didn’t know it will affect you this way.” He said, “It’s ok. The good thing is that you’re now aware of my situation. I’m only praying that you understand.”
I understood him perfectly and I wasn’t ready to allow his past to ruin our future. He was a caring man. He gave when I haven’t asked. When he called and my voice didn’t sound right, he’ll ask, “What’s bothering your mind?” Mostly I will say something like “I’m ok, I’m just having a dull day.” Hours later, he’ll send me something through a delivery. I’ve never had a guy treat me the way Frimpong did.
A year after we had been in a relationship, he told me that his son was coming to Ghana. I asked, “Is he coming alone?” He answered, “He’s coming with his mother but she’s not my concern that’s why I didn’t mention her.”
Weeks later, I went to his place and saw his son with him. I’ve seen his photos and I’d told Frimpong that his son looks like him. The day I saw his son, I said, “You remember I told you that he looks like you? I’ve changed my mind. He’s you.” The resemblance was so huge you couldn’t tell them apart if they were the same age. He introduced me to his son as a friend. I didn’t get it. I asked him, “Why? Why am I your friend?” He said, “He’s still a boy. I don’t have to confuse him with relationship tags. He’ll understand one day.”
That excuse was feeble but I didn’t argue. One day I was with him when he went for his son from his ex’s house. I was in the car when he went in. I thought he was just going inside, pick the boy and come right back. He went in there and didn’t return until several minutes later. When he came out with the boy, his ex followed. They stood in front of the house and talked for about five minutes. He was laughing through it all while I was sitting in the car and sweating because of the heat. Later when he got in, I said, “It looks like you forgot that I was inside your car.” He said, “I didn’t forget. She was dressing up the boy.” I said, “You guys are good now?” He asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “You guys were laughing all over the place but per how you described her to me, I didn’t think the two of you will be capable of laughing together.”
He said, “We are both keeping up appearances because of the boy. He’s young. He still doesn’t understand.”
He introduced me wrongly to his son, that was ok. When we were at her ex’s place, I thought he was going to introduce me but that never happened. Again, I asked why. He said, “I didn’t think you wanted me to introduce you.” “Like seriously?” I asked. He said, “Forgive me, it didn’t occur to me. I’ll introduce you next time if that’s what you want.”
Everything got sketchy. He spent more time in the house of her ex than he came around to see me. When I complained, he said, “They are here for just a while. Let me give them the attention for the sake of the boy. When they leave, it will be you and I.” He found a nice way to tell me that I was a second option but I didn’t complain. It was the first time I was experiencing such issues in our relationship so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
One day I was in his house. His son was also there with us. Around 6pm, his ex came around to pick their son. I was sitting in the hall when she entered. It looked like he wasn’t expecting her visit. He started acting weird. He was fumbling with his words. The lady asked, “One of your sisters?” He said no without telling her who I was. The lady asked again, “Your girlfriend?” He came to look at me. He answered, “Errm yeah, yeah, yeah.” She shook hands with me and said, “Nice meeting you.” She sat next to him on the double-seater sofa and the two of them got along as though everything was fine between them. I was left out of the conversation so at some point I told him that I was leaving. The lady said, “Oh I’m sorry that I’ve taken his attention from you. I’ll be leaving soon so please wait.”
When his ex left, I asked him, “What was that for? Are you still in love with her?” He screamed, “Apuu!” I told you, I’m only keeping up appearances. The boy was here so I had to act along.” Everything was about the boy. When his ex wasn’t around, he’ll talk about her as though she was the worst person alive. But when she’s around, he’ll doll on her as if she’s all he had.
It was time to ask questions so I asked. “Between the two of you, who jilted who?” He said, “It isn’t necessary.” I said, “I want to know.” He didn’t tell me but I got the whole story from his tight buddy. The long and short of the whole story is that he cheated. The girl walked away. Their baby was only six months old and they were planning to get married. The idea was to get married so they could travel to Germany together. They couldn’t marry because The girl caught Frimpong cheating. She walked out. Two months later, her father took her to Germany.
When I got the whole story, I understood his reactions whenever the girl was around. I understood why he was acting jittery. Maybe he was entertaining hopes of getting back to his ex, who knows.
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On his son’s birthday, his ex came around for us to celebrate it. She spent about five hours with us and throughout those hours, Frimpong didn’t look at me once. He was all over his ex, playing, laughing, and throwing compliments around. I saw the chemistry between them. I saw the way the girl looked at him, I saw the way he turned soft whenever his ex called his name. The signs were clear and I could read with my eyes closed. That day, I decided I was going to walk out. “Maybe they want to come together, who knows?”
When the lady left I told him, “It’s clear you still love her. It’s obvious the way you act around her. It’s better I leave so you can have a clear mind and heart to work things out with her.” He swore heaven and earth that that wasn’t the case. He begged me not to leave. He reminded me that they had few weeks to leave. He said, “We’ll be normal again once they are gone.” I asked, “Why can’t we be normal whiles they’re here? Is it a crime?” He said, “You don’t understand.” I said, “Yeah I won’t understand.”
Currently, they are gone. Things haven’t been the same since they went away. He hadn’t been himself. He acts like he’s missing something. He’s mostly quiet. He’s not the same Frimpong I used to know. I want to walk out now but he doesn’t want me to. He tells me I’m all he has and still does nothing to prove his claim. He still wants his ex, it’s obvious. I want to get out of the way. Am I doing the right thing? Or I should just trust him now that they are gone. I’m confused.
–Christabel
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