It was around 1am when I heard my phone ringing. I asked myself, “What is it that can’t wait that she has to call at this hour?” I said “Hello Cee.” She was quiet for a while. I asked, “Cee, is anything the matter?” She took a deep breath in. She said, “I think we have to quit. This time I’m serious about it. Nothing is working between us. When we keep holding on to this relationship, we are only trying to postpone the inevitable. Don’t tell me we should continue. I’ve thought about it very well and I believe it’s the right thing to do.”

I listened to her carefully. Every sentence, every pause indicated that she was serious about what she was saying. I asked her, “Will that make you happy?” She said,  “Yes. That’s why I’m calling for it.” I said, “If that’s the case then it’s ok. Let’s break up so you can be happy.”

When I hang up the phone, I took a deep breath in and continued sleeping. When I woke up in the morning I asked myself, “This is supposed to hurt, right? So why am I not hurt? Why does it feel normal when a girl I’ve dated for three years calls at dawn and breaks up with me? Why am I feeling fine?” The truth is, I saw it coming and I guess my heart was prepared for it. For the past one year or so, I was the only one fighting for the relationship. All she did was call every now and then to ask for a breakup. 

When we started dating, she was in school. She was in her second year in Cape Coast Technical University. I was doing my national service there when I found her and fell in love with her. She was very prayerful. I remember when I asked her out for the first time she told me, “The only place I can go is church so if you’re ready to be in church with on Saturday evening, then you’re invited.” I went to church with her that Saturday evening. I attended their prayer meetings and even fasted when they asked us to fast. For two good months, I was following her to and back from church. I knew it was the only way to get her so I kept at it. One evening, she visited my place and then accepted my proposal.

I was over the moon. She said, “This doesn’t mean you’ll stop going to church with me oo. I love to be under the same umbrella of grace with my boyfriend.” I said, “That’s where I found you so how can I stop going?” Our love was fried in church and was spiced with the word of God so nothing did we fear. She visited when she ought to and even slept at my place when she wanted to but we always respected boundaries. We agreed to not have sex until marriage so no matter how close we stayed together, we were guided by our own promise. 

I completed my national service and left the campus. But before I left, I paid for her hostel and sent everything I was using in my room to her hostel—my fridge, my one-seater sofa, my blender, my sound system, my corner TV, my study desk, everything that can help decorate a room, I gave it to her. 

I was in Mankessim while she was in Cape Coast but on Vacation, she went to Accra where she lived with her parents. From Mankessim to Cape Coast isn’t far—it’s about forty-five minutes drive so she came around to visit me on weekends. I introduced her to my dad and mom and my mom loved her instantly. When she came home to visit on weekends, she went to church with us and her vibrant nature in the church made my mother liked her the more. 

It got to a point she wasn’t visiting like she used to. Sometimes the reason was Exams. Other times she said she was too tired to travel. The excuses kept coming and coming but I trusted her excuses. One weekend I had to beg her to come and visit me and she did. I don’t know what happened but while she was sleeping something pushed me to check her phone. I went through her messages. She was constantly talking to some two lecturers I knew very well. I decided to read everything. I nearly collapsed. Whaaat!

She was having an affair with those two lecturers. She even had sex with one of them the very day she came to visit me. I was the one dancing to the tune of no-sex-before-marriage whiles others were giving it to her front and back. I broke down. I was completely shattered. I thought it was a dream that I would wake up from but time kept moving, I didn’t wake up. “So it’s real?” When she woke up we talked about it. She didn’t have answers apart from saying that she was scared if she didn’t do it those lecturers would intentionally fail her. She begged and cried. She promised she would walk out of the relationship no matter the consequences. She asked me to help her walk out. All weekend she was crying and begging. 

I understood her fears and decided to forgive her. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my relationship life. I faced my hurt and pains squarely while trying to rebuild the broken trust and love. From then, she came to visit every weekend. The day she completed school, she called to ask for a breakup. She said, “We haven’t been the same since that incident. Let’s break up.” I convinced her to stay. I told her we’ll be fine. I told her we can build again. She accepted and stayed. 

Two months later, she called for a breakup again. Again, I begged her to stay. I found a new job in Accra and moved to Accra where she was. I thought that would give us the opportunity to deepen our love but weeks after moving to Accra, she called for a breakup again. I didn’t allow it until that dawn when she called and I finally let her go. After that call, I blocked her line, deleted her messages, unfriended her on Facebook. Packed everything that reminded me of her away and gave myself a fresh start. One day she called with another line. She said, “We are no longer together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends?” I cut the call and blocked that number too.

Two years later, I met her at a program. She didn’t even know how to approach me. I went to her, we spoke and after the program, I drove her to her house—a place she has rented. We started talking again. Another time, I visited her place and she introduced me to a woman in her as a brother. One day, after dropping her and going back, I met that woman on the way. She stopped me. She said, “Talk to your sister, or one day you’ll come and find her corpse in the house. She’s dating a certain man who abuses her every day but this girl keeps going back. Anytime the man comes here I wake up to separate a fight between them. There’s a huge scar on her leg, ask her what happened. A few months ago, if I wasn’t in the house, she would have died. I found her on the floor bleeding and crying. It was late so we called his boyfriend to come and help take her to the hospital. The guy lives not too far from here oo. He didn’t come. He told us to get a taxi. After everything, your sister still cooks and carries it to him, even when it’s raining.”  

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The next time when I met her I asked her about it. She started crying. She said, “It’s that woman who told you, right?” I said, “It doesn’t matter who said it but you have to be careful. Then she started opening up to me whiles crying. She said, “I got pregnant for him. He said we couldn’t have it so I should get rid of it. I went to the hospital and unfortunately got the wrong doctor. He messed me up and I nearly died. That day the woman met me on the floor was the third day. I was still bleeding and dying. We called him and he didn’t care. I went to the hospital and was admitted for four days, he never stepped there. He said he was going to pay the bills, he never did. I spent everything I had. Not too long afterward, my mom called and asked for GHc100 to buy drugs, I couldn’t give it because I’ve wasted everything I had on that issue.”

I nearly cried. She looked at me and asked, “It’s karma, right?” I said, “I don’t know about Karma but I know things go wrong in life. This could be one of those things.” She said, “It’s karma I know. I’m paying for everything I did to you. He’s not the only boyfriend I’ve suffered that from. The last one before this one also abused me. He was married and I didn’t know. When I found out, he beat me for finding out.” 

She was in my car. She was crying through it all. She said, “Anyway, It’s all good. I’m learning. It’s the hard way but I’m still learning.” 

On my way going home, I asked myself, “Is this really the Karma people talk about?” I don’t know but if that is karma, then I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

–Oko

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