If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

During my last counseling session with our pastor, someone knocked on the door. The Pastor said, “Yeah you can come in.” The person walked in and it was George. That was a few days before the six months separation period ends. Before the session that day, the pastor asked me, “What is your stand now? You have few days left.” I didn’t even breathe before saying, “I’m still standing at my position. I want to leave the marriage.” 

The pastor asked me, “Did you sleep for once and thought through the whole thing?” I said, “I think about it every day. The pain hasn’t receded. The sour is still fresh. Nothing has changed.” Then he said something that threw me off-balance. He said, “You’ve never missed a session since we started. If you really don’t want this marriage, don’t you think these sessions would have had no value to you? You wouldn’t have even bothered to come. You’ve come every day, don’t you think somewhere deep in your heart, you want to give it a try?

I thought about it carefully and just when I was coming to give him an answer, George knocked and walked in. He was standing behind me and I didn’t bother to look at his face. The pastor asked him, “George, you’re not supposed to be here today.” He said, “I’ve come to speak to my wife before the final date is due.” That was when I turned and looked at him. He asked the pastor, “Can I?” The pastor said, “Yeah sure, you can.” He asked, “Am I permitted to talk to her alone?” The pastor got up and left the room for us.

He called my name thrice before I responded to the last one. He sat in the seat of the pastor, staring directly into my face. I asked him, “What? What is it? Why are you looking at me like that? What do you want from me?” He got up from the chair, came to kneel right in front of me, and said, “I know these counseling sessions will end and you’ll still tell me it’s over. I know you. If you will change your mind, you would have changed it long ago. Please listen to me. I’m responsible for where we are now and I accept the blame. If I caught you doing what I did, I would have done worse than this but please listen to me. The kind of pain I’ve been through ever since this happened cannot be compared to any pain I’ve been through all my life. It’s good that you saw it when you saw it. It’s the reason I know how important you are to me. I know now that I can’t live without you. I’m regretful. My life has come to a standstill and the emotional trauma alone is enough punishment. I promise you one thing, when this is all over and you forgive my wrong and give me another chance, I will treat you like my god. There’s nothing I won’t do to keep you because I’ve gone through the pain of losing you once and I don’t think it’s something I will love to go through again.”

I sat there with my head buried in between my palms, sobbing and regretting our marriage and everything that I was going through. But what he said cracked a code. My father said the same thing to me days before that moment. He said, “If you forgive this gentleman and you take him back again, he’ll see you as a messiah. I’m a man and I know it when another man is going through pain. That your man is dying.” When my father said it, it didn’t feel as deep as I watched him say it. He kept asking me, “Will you forgive me? Will you take me back? Will you? Will you? All that while he was still sitting on his knee. I said no word. When he left and the pastor walked in to find me crying, he asked, “What did he say to you?” I said, “Can I have a little bit of time to think through things?” He said, “You can have all the time you want. We are only praying for the best.”

Three days later I went to my father. Immediately he saw me he started laughing. He said, “Eiii, you’ve become slim papa. Even forty days and forty-night fasting koraa didn’t make Jesus this slim.” My dad is like that. It’s when you’re in a serious problem that he’ll tease you. He screamed for my mother, “Aggie, Bring your daughter something to eat oo before the wind breaks her into pieces.” My mom came out. She saw me and said, “You don’t have to kill yourself because of this. People have gone through worse than this.” 

When the dust settled, I told my dad, “I want to give him another chance. I’m not sure how it’s going to be like but I’m ready to try again.” He asked, “What happened? What have you seen that made you changed your mind?” I said, “Is it not you who said I should forgive him?” He said, “That was many months ago. You didn’t mind me so why have you changed your mind now?” I said, “I needed time to think. The fog has now dissipated. I will give him another chance and see what comes out of it. Divorce is a long winding road. Going back is easier.” 

He screamed, “Aggie, come and listen to your daughter. Onya bi nndi so she said she wants to go back. My mom laughed. She said, “You’re laughing at someone’s headache, you better behave.” My mom asked and I confirmed. My dad said, “Wait don’t tell him anything now. I will call him and have an extensive conversation with him before letting you go. For now, you’re not the one going back. I’m going to tell him I had pushed you to return y him. That way, he will learn to be careful with you.” My mom also said, “That your friend Adjoa, cut her off completely. I’m not saying you shouldn’t forgive her but don’t keep her close.”

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One evening, my father called me. He said, “Your husband is here. I’ve spoken to him extensively. Now I will beg you to forgive everything as we discussed and go back to him. He won’t hurt you because it’s his last chance. He has assured me that he won’t do it again so you’ll go back to him and be a good girl to him. He’s here, would you like to talk to him?” He gave him the phone. He said, “I’ve promised you. I’ve promised your parents. I’ve promised my own parents and I’ve promised our pastor. I’ve promised everyone who matters that it won’t happen again. They are all witnesses to this, do you think I can disappoint them?” I said, “I’ll come home when I’m ready.”

One evening after work I called him, “Are you home?” He asked me, “Are you coming?

Hours later, I was in the house with him. It was awkward, we were like two strangers who had been forced to live in the same place. He couldn’t look at me and I couldn’t look at him. I sat in the hall all evening without going to the bedroom. He asked, “Is there something you will like me to do?” I said, “No, “I’m fine.” Later he came back from the kitchen and said, “Warm water is ready in case you want to bath.” When I went to bed, he was already sleeping. I perched at the edge of the bed as though it was a borrowed space. I fell asleep and for the first time in so many months, I slept like a baby. At dawn, I felt a hand around me. I opened my eyes and found myself in his embrace. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t sleep again. 

The following day, the president came on TV and announce the beginning of the lockdown. I said in my head, “It looks like I came back at the right time.” We have a son now—he’s only four months old. He had become the result of forgiveness. The only way I can appreciate the love I have now is to appreciate the turbulence I first went through. To forgive is not easy. To forgive infidelity is like jumping head first without a safety net. You don’t know where you might land. Never cheat on the one you intend to live with because nobody forgives completely. There are conditions. They may forgive but you’ll never escape scrutiny and that makes life very hard. 

–Nancy

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