If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
On our first son’s birthday, she wrote a glowing birthday message on her status. The way she wrote it if you didn’t know her you might think she was a single mother. She talked about how she felt during pregnancy and all the struggles she had to go through to give birth to him and in the end wrote, “But looking at the kind of son I have now, I have no regrets for going through what I went through. I’ve even forgotten the pains and when given the chance I would go through it all over again because I know the kind of child I would end up giving birth to.”
I read her status more than five times and even checked her number to be sure she was the one saying all that. She was right in the house with me but I decided to reply to her through WhatsApp. I said, “I’m glad you still remember all the love and the happiness he brought the day he was born but what happened? What happened that you no longer look at him? He misses your love so pay attention to him.” She read the message and didn’t respond.
So one evening she returned from work and went straight to the bath, and then straight to the bedroom to sleep. I followed her there. I said, “Cindy, do you realize what’s happening to our marriage? You see it and you don’t care or you don’t see it?” She asked, “As far as I’m concerned everything is fine. Unless you have problems, then you can share it with me.” I said, “Great..” I started listing all the things that were wrong in our marriage. I reminded her about our dreams before marriage. I told her the expectations and how badly we were doing.
She didn’t interfere. She watched me rant for over fifteen minutes and then said, “If you wanted a woman who will be a doormat for you, then you shouldn’t have married me. You know me. You know I like to do things on my own without relying on a man. You knew about my independent-mindedness before we even dated. So because I’m not allowing you to have a field day, you’re having problems, right? Food is food not because a woman cooked it. If a man also cooks, we can call it food.”
From the beginning of her speech, till she ended it, my mouth was left open. I couldn’t believe she was the same woman I found worthy of my love. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I asked her, “How about the kids and the way you’ve neglected them. You don’t feel guilty? They see you and don’t want to come to you, that also doesn’t scare you?” She said, “You’re the one saying things into their ears. They are kids so they’ll believe you. One day, they’ll grow up and see things as they are. Remember, I’m the one paying their fees but I don’t complain.”
She had paid their fees only once but when push came to shove, she relied on it as though it’s everything kids need from their mother. It’s difficult to live with a nagging wife but I’d come to believe that the most difficult thing for a man to do is to become the one who nags. I was talking about everything and I was being ignored. I complained to her father. Somehow, the father wasn’t able to talk to her because he himself wasn’t in a good relationship with his daughter. He told me, “She had taken her mother’s attitude. She was just like that from the beginning so I’m not surprised. If you think you’re tired of her, please bring her home and have your freedom. She won’t change. Her mother only softened when her bones started giving up on her.”
I couldn’t talk to her mother too. Just like her father said, I didn’t trust her mother to do a good job in that direction because ever since we got married, her mother had supported her in everything.
Things got worse during the lockdown. I was happy. I thought it was a chance God was giving us to mend the broken bridge so by the time we come out, we would have a stable bridge to walk on to a happy marriage. I stocked a lot of food and she started cooking for us. But later, it got to me that she was rather cooking for herself than she was cooking for us. After cooking, she’ll serve herself, sit before the TV, and change channels while she eats. I will have to go to the kitchen myself to fetch my own food and also fetch some for the kids. She hardly spoke to me. She was on her phone twenty-four seven. You’ll see her laughing and talking to herself. In the evening, she would dress up, step out and go jogging. I jokingly said, “We are all getting fat so we’ll join you tomorrow.” She responded, “I didn’t wait to join you so you can also do your own.”
One day when she stepped out for jogging, I called her phone. Call waiting. The next time when she stepped out, I called again. Call waiting. On the third time, she said angrily, “Why do you decide to call me immediately after I leave the house? Can’t you say what is it that you want to say when I’m in the house?” So I drew the conclusion, “It’s not jogging that pushes her out. She goes so she could have time and space to talk on the phone.”
One day she cooked and cooked for herself and the kids only. She left me out. The next day, I locked the kitchen. She asked for the keys and I told her to go out and get her own food. It turned into a scuffle;
“Give me the keys.”
“I won’t give you the keys”
“What kind of silly joke is that?”
“I’m not joking. You can’t cook what I’d bought and leave me out. Go get your own.”
“ Petty man. I don’t know why I’m still in this miserable marriage with you.”
“Then leave. Just leave so I know I’m here alone. I’m giving you a week. If you don’t do anything, you’ll hear from me.”
“What can you do?”
The question meant more to me than she intentioned. What can I do? That means all this while she knew I couldn’t do anything that’s why she was behaving the way she was behaving.
A week later, as I expected, she didn’t do anything. Well, I thought it was because of the lockdown. Two weeks after lockdown I told her, “Obviously, you’re not a woman of your words. Times and tides have proved that to me. I’ll show you how to say things and mean it enough to do it.”
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The day I served her the divorce papers, I was expecting a certain reaction from her which I didn’t get. Instead of shock, she smiled and said, “That’s all you can do. What else? Don’t worry, I will give you just that. I’m even tired of your nagging and complaints. Do you think I’m happy? That divorce will take my happiness away?” I was like, “Wow, I’ve been married to myself all this while.” But something made me happy. Happier, I should say. That the misery I was in gets to end at some point.
When my parents got to know about the divorce, they called us home. That day, we were seated right in front of my parents’ portrait when they began advising us. My mind was on the portrait and what it meant to me. After my parents had finished their speech, they asked her, “Would you give the marriage another chance?” She said, “I’m not the one calling for the divorce and I don’t know why he called for the divorce and I don’t know how he’ll turn around and treat me if I accept to continue with the marriage. For my peace of mind and security, I won’t continue.” My parents gave us one month to think about it but she said, “There’s nothing to think about. He made his decision and I’ve also made mine. What again?”
The only thing currently left for us to be completely divorced is how we are going to manage the kids after the divorce. She wants to keep the kids. I wouldn’t have any issue with that if I didn’t know how she had treated them over the years. She’s their mother but I don’t feel safe leaving five kids under her care. I don’t want to split the kids too. I want them all. They’ll be safer with me than with her. Once that is settled, we would be on our way to begin life afresh without each other.
–Ken
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