The truth is, most men want women who are good in bed. Any man who says otherwise is a hypocrite. I learned this reality the hard way on my wedding night. My wife was a virgin, and I knew that going in. Even so, the level of disappointment I felt afterwards was staggering, leaving me with a heavy sense of regret that caught me entirely off guard.

The only part I was happy about was that I had married a woman who would make every man’s dream wife. She is beautiful, caring, supportive, kind, just name it. She is a superhuman, but when it comes to matters of the bedroom, that is where the problem is.

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We have been together for eight years, and you might ask why I haven’t spoken to her about it or shown her what I want. The truth is, no matter how many times we talk or discuss it, things always go back to the same way.

For close to eight years, I have still had to ask her to touch me in certain places where I believe she should know by now that I like being touched. I can count the number of times she has “gone down on me” throughout our eight-year journey, and each time she does it, it is because I ask for it. She never does it willingly.

Oral intimacy is one of the problems we face in the bedroom, and I feel she is selfish. She doesn’t want to do much, and I don’t blame her because she doesn’t know how to do most of the things I want. The disturbing part is that she doesn’t seem willing to learn. It looks like she doesn’t care.

When she gives me a hand job, she feels she isn’t doing it right, but she enjoys being fingered. The look on her face when she gives me head can make your libido vanish. Surprisingly, she enjoys being given head and doesn’t even have to ask for it. I do it just to make her happy.

I really make sure she enjoys herself in bed, and she always praises me. I only want the same in return, but what I get is nothing. When she tries to ride, she loses the rhythm within two minutes and gives up because she’s tired. We’ve been stuck in a repetitive loop of missionary and doggy style for years.

Whenever we have an argument, it is definitely about this issue. I don’t blame her too much because she wasn’t exposed to that kind of lifestyle early in life. However, the problem is that she isn’t ready to learn new things about intimacy.

I know people who had little or no experience before marriage but have become super whores in bed. I want my wife to be a bad girl in bed, and I know I am not asking for too much. A few years ago, I missed having those wild encounters and sought sexual services from a woman I had been talking to. We met on two occasions, and although we had a great time, I regret what I did. It has been a heavy burden on me.

My wife thinks I am such a good and holy man that telling her what I did would break her heart. I don’t know whether I should tell her or not. How do I deal with this aspect of our relationship? Is it important to tell her about my mistake? I regret what I did, and for almost three years now, I haven’t been with anyone else. However, I genuinely get tempted to do it again because it feels good to be satisfied sexually as a man, too.

—Jonathan

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