We have been married for twenty years. For a long time, my marriage was okay. We fought and quarrelled when necessary, but seven years ago, everything changed after my father-in-law passed away. My husband relocated to the village to manage the properties his father left behind. As the eldest child, he felt responsible for taking care of everything.

Once he moved, he stopped coming home regularly and abandoned his financial responsibilities to our family. I travelled down to see him one day and was shocked by how relaxed and careless he had become. He seemed to have forgotten that he had four children to provide for. He wasn’t the only child either. His siblings would come for their share, and eventually, nothing would be left of the properties. I suggested that he start something with the land instead of just leaving everything as it was. He took my suggestion into consideration and started the process of establishing a cocoa farm on one of the farmlands.

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He needed help with the farm, so every chance I got, I traveled all the way from Tema to his hometown to labor alongside him.

Until one day, I unknowingly hosted my husband’s future second wife. He called to inform me that a guest was coming and asked me to settle her in, promising she would leave soon. It was my mother-in-law who later called to give me the truth. She said that the woman in my house was his second wife-to-be. He was paying her pharmacy school tuition and renting an apartment for her.

I was crushed. My mother-in-law asked me not to worry. She told me that his father had tried to do the same thing with her, which finally led to their divorce, but she wasn’t going to allow me to go through the same thing. She is a fetish priest, my mother-in-law. I don’t know which gods she consulted, but before long, the girl vanished, and I never heard my husband talk about marrying a second wife again.

A few months later, my husband brought up the idea again. He announced his plan to marry a different woman in the village, and to make matters worse, he banned me from ever stepping foot in his hometown again.

“If you dare disobey me, I will divorce you.” He even involved our pastor, complaining that my supposed laziness was forcing him to take a second wife who could help him build his life. He was suffering and needed a woman who could help him generate income.

I told him plainly, “If you want to marry her, then I want out of this marriage.” But our pastor intervened, telling me that walking away would be a huge mistake. My husband left Tema on a Wednesday, and by Saturday, he was engaged. On Sunday, they were married in church. He married one of my close acquaintances.

Because of my husband, everyone in his family, and even the whole village, knows about me. They all think that I am a lazy woman and that is why he had to marry another woman to help him. My mother-in-law has told me not to allow what is happening to destroy my life and that life has to go on. I agree, and that is why I want to leave the marriage.

The constant emotional abuse has taken a heavy toll on my health, and I am now on medication. I told my family that I cannot continue in this marriage, but they are worried about my four children. They keep asking who will help me support them. Living in here is financially tough, and my husband’s support is erratic at best. Sometimes he sends GH₵500 for two weeks, sometimes GH₵200, and other times GH₵1,000.

It is a constant struggle. Early this year, after his new wife gave birth and couldn’t work on the farm, he invited me back to the village to work on the cocoa farm. For the sake of my children and the hope of bringing something back for them, I went. While on the farm, he verbally abused me from morning until evening. If I picked up the wrong tool, he humiliated me. If I touched the cocoa yields, he screamed at me in front of the other laborers, who stood by watching him degrade me. I have not stepped foot in that village since. I am dying inside and desperately want to leave. But when I speak out, nobody believes me because my husband acts like an angel in public while being a tyrant behind closed doors. He knows how to manipulate people, so my claims fall on deaf ears. He rarely comes home anymore. When he does visit, it is mainly to demand intimacy. I find it painful and difficult to be intimate with him now. We constantly fight over sex because when I decline, he gets angry.

He has belittled and insulted me in front of his second wife, so that she has no respect for me. My own family isn’t backing my decision to walk away. They keep urging me to preserve the marriage and endure for the sake of the children.

But what about the respect and care I deserve as a wife? I don’t even expect love from him anymore. What holds me back is that my blood, sweat, and tears are poured into this home. My whole life is tied to it, which makes leaving so hard.

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Sometimes I have disturbing dreams about everything happening to me, and I wonder if there is a spiritual force at work. Half of me feels it might be spiritual, while the other half knows the pain and abuse are very real and physical.

I have known this man for twenty years. He used to preach about how men should never marry single mothers. But he married one. I just want to leave. I don’t know if my decision is right or wrong in the eyes of others. All I know is that there is no self-dignity, no respect, and no happiness left for me in this marriage.

— Daniella

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