I and Martin started dating in 2024. It was after I travelled to see his place of work and where he stayed before I accepted to date him. He was the one. I felt it in the depths of my heart, so I did everything possible under the sun to make the relationship work, and it was working. He was making it work until his demons started to show. A woman came his way, and he gave her the attention, the love, and the care, leaving me starved.

It pained me, but I figured I’d stay around and fight the other woman off for my man. Nothing and nobody would come for him. If he didn’t call, I called. I sent messages, random gifts, random DMs, all in an attempt to remind him of what we had, but it didn’t work. Unwillingly, I accepted it and left the relationship.

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Some months later, I met Shadrack.

We talked for over a month before he proposed. And when he did, I explained my situation to him. “I am coming from a place of hurt. If you hurt me in the long run, I’d be very disappointed in you.” We started our love journey on a sweet note. I prayed that it was going to last for a very long time and even lead to marriage. Everything was great between us. We were having a lot of fun and making plans for the future and all, until I started finding out that he was also going out with a colleague of mine.

I took time to assess the situation, and in my own attempt to hurt him back the way he hurt me, I reached out to Martin. It was something I tried to fight, entertaining when I found out what Shadrack was doing, but each time, I began to feel as though he was the only one who could make me forget the pain I was facing. So, early this year, I reached out to Martin, and we’ve been talking since.

The thing is, Shadrack and I are planning marriage, but because I still have feelings for my ex, I keep on postponing the date. I can’t tell if my ex has feelings for me, but I have feelings for him. That, I am very sure of. I thought all my feelings for him had vanished into thin air, but oh boy, was I lying. We met at an event and we were intimate. We never planned it. It just happened, and it felt like it was something we’ve been starved of. Everything felt so natural. I wanted to stay in his arms till the kingdom comes, but we had to go home.

I don’t know if I could easily go back to my ex. I just don’t know. Shadrack and his people have come to see my family already. They’ve come to perform the knocking rite. If I want to break this off, I have a lot of answers to give, people to convince, and a whole lot more.

I wish to be with my ex, but I can’t tell if he wants to be with me and settle down with me. Shadrack has been a good person to me, but I don’t think I love him enough to settle down with him. He has envisioned his whole life with me. I also do the same with my ex. Between Shadrack and Martin, I can say I’m more comfortable with Martin, and I openly feel safe discussing anything with him. But I can’t say if he loves me.

And I’m scared of the what-ifs.

What if I let him go and my ex, in the long run, disappoints me?

Should I sit with my ex and ask him if he feels the same way?

It’s been two solid years, so why can’t I get over my ex? And mind you, Shadrack has always seen Martin as a threat to our relationship, and he has promised to end things with me should he find out that Martin and I have been intimate. He said he will even cancel the wedding should he get to know a day before our wedding or afterwards.

I’ve told him to tell my people that we aren’t going ahead with the marriage preparation, but he said he’s not doing it. I’m scared of what will happen in the future.

I’m so confused, and it’s affecting my mental state.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I don’t know who to open up to.

My mum thinks it’s spiritual, and she has been praying for me. I don’t want to embarrass my family and myself, but how do I get through this situation without being judged?

Help me out figure this out.

— Debby

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