I got engaged three months ago. The proposal was a quiet one. He invited me to the house, there were flower petals, candles, and him standing beside the couch on a knee, holding out a ring. He proposed, and I screamed, “Yes, yes, and yes again!” The night was really memorable. Food, music, and just us. I loved it so much that I didn’t share the news with anyone until a week later, when I was done basking in the glory of being proposed to, just like I had always wanted it, very intimate and private.

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The wedding is supposed to take place 8 months from now, if all goes well. But something has been bothering me.

About a year into our relationship, we have been dating for two years. I stumbled into a conversation between my fiancé and some woman. We know each other’s passwords. He goes through my phone, I go through his phone. I was doing that one day and found a chat between him and Jasmine.

While I stalked for her online, I scrolled through their chats. Jasmine is fair, and my boyfriend likes dark women. All his exes are very dark. Even me. So it piqued my interest.

I thought it was friendship until I went further into their chats. He sounded very flirtatious, and she welcomed it. There were names of endearment. Love stickers were being thrown into the air.

I complained bitterly about her. When I wouldn’t stop complaining, he blocked her right in front of me. He said he couldn’t delete her number because that was the least he owed her. I agreed and let him have it. I thanked him for doing this, for listening to me.

I had nothing to worry about. She didn’t surface in our lives after that. We didn’t talk about her again.

But a month after the proposal, I found out that everything hadn’t been as well as I thought. This time again, I was just casually scrolling through his phone and decided to check his archived chats. He had archived a chat with the name “Bros.” I haven’t heard of men archiving their friends’ chats, so I tapped to check what made him archive it.

It was Jasmine. He is still in contact with her.

Just like before, he still flirts with her. This time, the flirting went beyond what I had stumbled upon earlier. She also flirts with him back. Jasmine has game. I don’t think she knows he is engaged. In her head, she has found a possible future husband.

My fiancé has been to her house a couple of times and has even slept over. She played the part of a wife. She cooked for him, they watched TV, and she thanked him for being a gentleman and not pushing for sex even when the chemistry in the room was thick. He replied, “I know what I want, and I wouldn’t mind waiting till you are comfortable to give to me.”

She hasn’t asked him for money, but Gabriel is a very kind man, even to me, so I am certain he has sent her money.

For some weird reason, I am not really angry about it. Rather, I am bothered by the fact that he said he blocked her but didn’t. He just changed tactics.

The issue here is this: he blocked her right in front of me, promised he wasn’t going to speak to her anymore, and said that even if he did, it would be cordial conversation. It wasn’t anything chaotic.

Lastly, why wouldn’t he tell her he has a fiancée? Like, let her know.

Because in a case like this, who do I hold accountable? My fiancé or the girl?

Why will you have a whole fiancée, go through the ordeal of setting up my proposal, get me engaged, have me walk around with a ring on my finger, and yet you’re out there doing this?

I know Gabriel loves me. This is by far one of the best relationships I have gotten into. We started talking about marriage from the beginning. And I am not delusional when I say he loves me very much, probably more than I love him.

Even after finding out he is doing this, I can’t pinpoint a day he has treated me badly. We have normal quarrels, we disagree, but nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing.

Is that enough to stand on and get married regardless?

Because even though it is silly to say it rains everywhere, in our real world, it truly rains everywhere. Is it not better I stay here, where it rains but at least have an umbrella over my head, than to be in another relationship and get cheated on and still be treated badly?

In our two-year relationship, this is the first time I am seeing something like this. Maybe that is why I want to overlook it. But what if there are more girls? I have searched and combed through his WhatsApp. It’s just Jasmine.

Again, so is it possible that Jasmine and I can find a way to share him?

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

Am I doing this because I am desperate for marriage? Well, not really. I own a hair boutique, I am comfortable, and even still, my parents go out of their way to give me money.

Do I feel I am getting too old, and that is why I want to get married?

No. I am just 29. I don’t think it is too old, and I don’t think my time is running out.

I just know he is a kind man, and may be one of the few kind men left in the world for me. That is why I want to go ahead.

Am I thinking right?

Should I put a pause on the planning and talk it out?

— Clementina

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