I divorced my wife because I was frustrated with the marriage. I thought there was more out there that she wouldn’t give me the freedom to explore. I would come home late, and she would complain. I would dress to step out, and she would tell me I was a father, so I should dress like one. Everything she said was meant to slow my growth, so I said enough was enough and got a divorce.

She got pregnant before we got married. Actually, it was that pregnancy that made us rush into marriage. I was not ready. I don’t think she was ready either. I was twenty-six; she was twenty-three.

Our divorce was heartbreaking. She kept asking me, “How do you want me to begin again? We were young. You’ve always been the one I’ve known.”

I left, rented a new place, and promised to see my child but never did because I was too busy exploring life and enjoying the results of my divorce. Two years later, everything I called fun was no longer fun.

I’d wasted money on silly things and had dated women who only wanted me because I promised a lot. I had no roots. A little wind, and I was thrown all over the place. I left my rented apartment and went back home to stay with my parents. I thought they would control me or tell me to stop, but they never did. I missed the voice of my ex-wife asking me to stop: “Stop going out, stop wasting money. Just stop it. You’re a father. Behave like one.”

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I felt very hollow, so I decided to build a relationship with her through our kid. I started visiting. I started sending money. Sometimes, I could send all my salary because what was I going to use it for? And I visited often until my ex told me recently, “I’m seeing someone. I don’t think it communicates well if he sees you coming around this often. Your child can come over. Please don’t get me wrong.”

I nodded and walked away. I’ve never been the same person again. I’ve come to realise she’s the root I needed to stay grounded. All the “Don’t go here” and “Don’t dress like that” were her way of keeping me grounded to my roots. Now I can go anywhere but belong nowhere.

She looks rooted in this new man she’s found. It’s not from my heart, but I wish her well for the sake of the child. I hope this man loves our child too.

—Noah

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