He had a son where my daughter attended school. We met in a queue to pay fees, and he gave me his spot because I was running late and wanted to pay quickly and leave. We met again weeks later. I didn’t even recognise his face, but he did and called me. We talked for a few seconds, and he asked for my number, and I gave it to him. He called hours later and said, “This is Maxwell. We met at your daughter’s school.”

We became friends from that day. He said he was a single dad. The woman he had a child with dumped the child on him when the boy was only three years old, and he had been in charge since then. I was intrigued, so I asked if he took care of the child all alone or if there was a woman involved. He mistook my question for me asking if he was dating. He said, “No, I’m not dating. I’m single.”

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One Monday, I went to the school, and they told me my child’s canteen fee had been paid for the week. I asked by whom, and the lady couldn’t mention a name. Later in the day, Maxwell called to tell me he had paid.

I was so grateful, and I let it show. He then invited me over with my daughter to have lunch at his place, which I honoured. While our kids played, he pointed at them and said, “It looks like these two need each other. Let’s give them the chance to play together every day.”

I asked if that was his way of proposing, and he said yes. “I’m announcing today what I’ve kept within for so many months.”

I breathed in deeply and told him to give me some time to think about it. While thinking about it, I would go to the school, and they would tell me my child’s canteen fee had been paid by Maxwell. He did it so often that I even took it as normal, but I didn’t stop saying thank you.

The answer to his proposal wasn’t coming, and he was getting impatient. He called every night to ask about it. I told him to stop asking about it and wait until I was sure of myself. I wasn’t playing hard to get. I wanted to be sure if I was mentally ready to raise two children at a go. I wanted to be sure if I was mentally ready to commit to another relationship after the emotionally draining one I went through with my daughter’s dad.

Some days, I would feel like saying yes, and other times my spirit would tell me, “Be careful. You just came out of one dreadful situation.” Then I would take a step back.

When the kids reopened school and I was going to pay my daughter’s fees, I was told they had been paid by the child’s father. I was like, “Who? Which father?”

It was Maxwell who paid when he was paying his son’s school fees. Again, I called him. “Dear, you didn’t have to do this, but I love that you care this much. Thank you so much. What can I ever do to repay you?”

He answered, “Say yes to my proposal and give me the chance to be a father to these kids.”

Finally, I said yes, though I was still scared. I told myself, “If I die, I die. What hasn’t happened before?”

He would bring his son to my place and disappear, sometimes for days. All he would say was, “I’m coming. Just keep him.” When he returned, he treated the issue as if I was the one overreacting. A few months after we started dating, he asked me to move my things into his place because his place was bigger. I said no. I would only do that when we were married.

He took offence. “What do you mean, when we are married? Am I not doing more than husbands do? Move in, and marriage will follow later.”

I loved him, but I was cautious of his behaviour. A few months into the relationship, I saw a pattern that said he wanted me to be a mother more than a girlfriend. He used my availability as an excuse to dump his boy on me.

He used to pick the boy up, but because of me, he didn’t return from work early, sometimes coming late in the night. I would go for the boy, and he would stay the night. Slowly, my room was occupied by the boy’s things. His bag of clothes became bigger than mine. His toys flooded the hall, and his noise cut through the room each morning, but the father wasn’t coming as often.

School reopened, and I went to pay my girl’s school fees. He called, angry. “So you paid for only your child? How about Jayden? Is he not your child too?”

Then he intentionally stopped paying the boy’s canteen fee so I would have to pay. I don’t have a lot of money. If I did, that wouldn’t be a problem. I’m a girl who lives on a budget and grace. A little out of my budget, and I will feel like I’m under water. I told him to pay for one week, and he screamed, “I’ve been paying for your daughter without complaint. You paid for a few weeks, and you’re tired already?”

That day, I said enough was enough. When he returned very late from work, I took the boy to his place, along with his bag, toys, and everything. I told him, “He’s your child. Start being responsible again.”

He called me selfish. I told him it was over. He said, “I paid your daughter’s fees and canteen fees, and this is what you’re paying me in return? If I ask you to repay me, can you?”

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I asked, “How much? Put a price to it.”

I stopped myself from calling him, and he never called for over a month. He’s back again, telling me he has realised his mistakes and is willing to make amends.

I responded, “Make amends with the next woman. That’s fair. I’m not returning to that relationship again.”

He started paying my daughter’s canteen fee again. They would tell me he had paid, and I would send him the amount through MoMo and say thank you. I’ve told the school never to accept any money from anyone except me.

A man like this? Never again.

—Lizzy

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