If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

During my second trimester, I couldn’t sleep or eat. Even the sound of a door opening scared me, so I confessed the truth. I told him that I went ahead to find comfort in another man because he too was seeing someone else. After my confession, he went berserk. He was distraught, always crying, always moody, always throwing questions my way.

“Why did you do it? Why? What did I do to you to deserve this payback?” he would ask. “She was just a colleague.” Another day, it would be, “So, you are telling me the child is not mine? The baby you are carrying is not God’s miracle baby?” It was a whole turmoil of drama. He said I had misread the relationship between him and the girl. Even when I brought receipts, times and dates that proved he was indeed cheating, he retorted that they were all in my head, that he could never do such a thing. I responded, “Yes, fine. But I can do such a thing, and I have done it.”

The lady he was having an affair with even knew about his sterility problem and plainly told him that she was never going to marry a man with his condition. “I don’t have the mental capacity and space to live that kind of life,” is what she said to him. But me, she knew that I was going to continue to stay, taking all the jabs and insults for not having a child. She said it was because I chose a man who can’t have kids and I know that he will go behind me and cheat.

Usually, you’d expect that when these things happen, the husband would apologise to you for looking elsewhere, for letting his actions force you to cheat. Not my husband. Instead, he spent the months and days after trying to understand how I discovered his affairs, when I discovered them, and putting more effort into hiding them. He has travelled for over eight good hours just to catch a glimpse of her face. And he is planning to make the long journey to go and see her sometime soon.

For the first time in the long years I have been married to my husband, the last time I heard him say something sweet, loving and doting was when he was on the phone, begging his girlfriend not to leave him alone. She found out I had discovered his affairs and wanted out. These are things I have never heard him say to me in a very long time. I heard him tell another woman.

My baby is doing well, healthy and happy. The baby’s father has said that if I want him to be in her life, he will take charge. If I don’t want to, then it is fine with him too. So that’s not really the problem.

It’s about my marriage now. I don’t think I want to be here again.

I managed to ask my mother about it. She doesn’t know it is my story. Her advice was that she wouldn’t judge the lady. “I will not advise my own daughter to be in that kind of marriage.”

I try to discuss his cheating life and how we can move past it, but he tries to emotionally blackmail me. “What you have done is evil. If it were other men, they would send you packing to your father’s house, but I am here and you should be thankful.”

I am like, “He should stop it. If I didn’t cheat, I’d still be childless, and you would still have your girlfriend on the side. We would have waited for years and still have no child because you have a problem, and you still have the capacity to cheat on me.”

I am currently at a place where I am only observing and watching him live his life, while also giving myself an ultimatum. I want to get to a point where, if things are still the same, I will move on.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

It is not normal for me to have to cheat to get pregnant. What happens if I want another child? Will I have to cheat again? It would affect my guilty conscience, my walk with God, when I can just move on and live a life. It’s not like he has money. I am the breadwinner of the family. So what’s the point here? I’ve given myself some time. When the time is up, I’ll just move. I am putting plans in place and making plans for our future. I work a 9 to 5, and I have a business on the side that I manage as well.

I have heard my parents. I have listened to my own judgement. I want to leave. I don’t think it is right to be reduced to a wife who cheats just to have a child. I don’t think it is in God’s plan for me. I am convinced of my decision to leave, but at the same time, I don’t know if I am making a good decision for my life.

— Eliza

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