I’ve been married to my husband for only two years now. We have no children. We dated for six months. Maybe it was too short a time, but we both knew what we needed. I saw it in him, and he saw it in me. We had been longtime friends before we decided to take things further.

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He is a great provider for the family. About 80% of the load is on him. He wants to be the breadwinner while I support him, so what I do is keep the money and invest it very well. He brought the plan. He said he wanted it that way. I told him it wasn’t fair to leave everything on him. He said it was his duty as a man to cater for the house and that he didn’t have a problem with it. If he needed help, he would ask me to pitch in.

Just two years in, and I still haven’t had to pitch in. I am worried that I have left it all on my husband to do. He is not complaining. We still have groceries in our house all the time. The light is on, the water is running. My car is filled to the brim with fuel. Sometimes he gets me gift cards that I have no use for.

My problem is our sex life.

I am not big on sex. He is the second man I have been intimate with in my whole life. The first was a boy. We were just teenagers who said we were in love. Because he didn’t know what he was doing and I didn’t know what I was doing either. Our experiences were bittersweet.

Then I learnt in university that sex was supposed to be a beautiful experience from the start to the end. I had that experience with my husband, and I am very thankful for that. But a year into our marriage, I am fed up with it.

I honestly thought things would improve with time. Some months ago, I lied and told him that I was doing a fast for a few weeks and needed to stay off sex. I figured I could use that time to give my vagina some rest and recuperate, but it didn’t work.

After two whole weeks, I decided to give it a try, and I still felt tired and exhausted from the up and down, side and corners.

I don’t want to deprive my husband of such moments. I don’t think he’ll cheat on me because, if anything, I know that he is a one-woman man, one of the few good men alive. So I don’t want to push him to the juncture where it turns salty for all of us.

He takes care of me afterwards too, so it isn’t like I am left managing everything on my own.

If his schedule allows, he would want it morning, afternoon, and night. That is simply too much for me.

The truth is, it’s not that I don’t desire him. He’s almost always the one initiating, so I hardly get the opportunity to initiate myself. He hasn’t complained yet that I am hiding myself from him, but I feel like it’s coming. It is something he is finding hard to discuss, but I know for sure it will soon come up.

Right now, I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel like a good wife at all.

We have given three years to ourselves, and we are about five months away from reaching three years. That day is coming. I believe that he will now start asking that we get intimate more often so we can work hard at having children, which I am not mentally prepared for. The children, the responsibility, it all feels like something he doesn’t understand. I don’t feel like he appreciates where I am coming from.

So I genuinely want to ask married couples: Is this normal? Is this what marriage is like? Do your husbands expect sex every day?

I’m asking because I’m honestly getting tired. Tired of hiding from my husband.

My period lasts at least four to five days, but I tell him seven days. Some days, it ends after three days, but I keep wearing pads to put up the show.

Like, this husband of mine is still in the honeymoon phase. For me, I have snapped out of it a long time ago. Or is this just how he is?

If that is it, it means I have to bring up my A-game and meet him halfway. Otherwise, he will start getting frustrated, and guys, I really don’t like the thought of frustrating him this early.

So, help me. What can help me match his game?

Prayers? Herbs? Therapy? Games?

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

What can I do to get myself to the point where I can enjoy intimacy more often and meet my husband somewhere in the middle without feeling like I am forcing myself?

Because I really love this man, and I don’t want our different sex drives to become the thing that drives us apart.

— Irene

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