Three years ago, I proposed to him. Yes, it is not the social norm that you are used to hearing, but I am the kind of woman who violently takes it by force when I like something. I don’t like to pass through corners. He was entering my eyes, we were talking alright, and as he wasn’t forthcoming with his feelings, I went forth with mine, and he agreed.

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It didn’t mean that I was now the head of the relationship, far from it. I submitted to him and loved him how best I knew. We have had our ups and downs, and all of them are the reason why we are still standing here.

We are both self-employed, and so I don’t depend on him. He hardly gives me money, which is not my problem because I’m financially independent. I run my own business online. I started it independently from scratch, built it up to what it is now, and I am reaping the fruits of my labour diligently.

But my boyfriend is asking me to inform him of every decision I make concerning my business. Absurd, isn’t it?

When I take orders and start packing them, he wants to know how much I earned, where the money is going, how the orders are getting to their destinations, and everything in between. Not only that, he wants to be informed about my personal life, my family business, why my grandfather’s second wife is still in our family home, and this and that.

You would think since he wants to be in my business all the time, I would know his too. But he hardly tells me about his own affairs.

He’s self-employed but doesn’t go to work every day. According to him, “business is slow.” So he’s broke.

I saved some money and gave it to him for safekeeping. When I needed the money, he told me he had used it and would pay me back.

My business is my baby. I know the tears I cried at night, the scam orders I suffered, and the times my account was negative even though I was making sales. So I am very protective of it.

He desperately wants to learn this business. I should be happy and dream that this is it, that we can build together and make good money together. But when he suddenly wants to learn, I’m not sure whether I should see it as support or be cautious.

His siblings have taken things on credit without paying.

I’m also being pressured at home to marry. A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with fibroids, and he was there. I was advised to give birth early so they can operate and take them out.

He said he’s not ready for marriage now, considering his financial situation and the fact that he’s a firstborn. At the same time, he’s not ready to let me go either. He is 30 years old, by the way.

Honestly, I don’t see a future together. He also has poor personal hygiene. I spoke to him about it, but he always has reasons. I used to wash for him, but I had to stop because the smell was becoming nauseating. He’s a good guy nevertheless. He helps me pick up things and has been there for me in different ways.

Despite all this, I’m conflicted because I care about him. I know he has good qualities, and I cannot pretend that he has been terrible to me. But I also don’t know if love alone is enough for a successful marriage.

I’m 28, financially independent, running a business I built from scratch, and looking at a man who wants to marry me but doesn’t seem ready to build the kind of future I want.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

Am I overthinking these issues, or are they valid concerns? Would you marry someone in this situation? I’d really appreciate your honest opinions.

— Ofeibia
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