My girlfriend, Vanessa. She was a pupil’s teacher before Covid came to destroy everything. She taught for three years before Covid so when Covid came, she already had something saved that she could rely on. I was a pupil’s teacher too but I was lucky. Just when Covid was bringing down everything, and a lot of people were losing their jobs, that was the time I had a job offer that paid better than the teaching. My girlfriend was home and didn’t have anything to do. At some point, she started getting scared. She said, “I’m spending all my savings yet there’s nothing out there for me.” I told her, “Just stay calm. Good days are coming.”
One day she called me on the phone. She said, “Guess what. Adjoa introduced me to an investment scheme that I think would be good for both of us. Just imagine receiving $225 monthly commission after joining.” I said, “What scheme is that?” She said, “There’s going to be a meeting this Saturday where all the details would be discussed. I want us to go.” Honestly, I thought it was a good thing until I went to the meeting and got all the details. Vanessa was so convinced about the scheme but I wasn’t. I told her, “The amount you pay before joining is too much. GHC4,200? For just a single product before you join? I can’t pay that.”
She said, “You’ll recoup that amount after just a couple of months. Just think about it. How much is a dollar to cedis now? Convert $225 to cedis and see how long it will take to recoup. Don’t be a wet blanket. See the positives and let’s join.” I said all I could but she wouldn’t listen. Finally, she said, “You have a job. I don’t have a job so I can try and see what comes out of it.” I said, “Dear, there are so many things you can start with GCh4,200. This is dangerous.” She said, “Adjoa had joined and had started earning. What’s dangerous about this?”
Against all forms of advice that I gave her, she didn’t listen and went to join the scheme. I wished her well. She was my girlfriend and All I wanted for her was happiness. After joining the scheme, there was barely anything left in her account. One morning she said, “I need a loan of GHc500. I will pay when I start earning.” I sent her Momo that day. I saw the effort she was putting in to get other people to join the scheme. She would wake up in the morning, dress up and step out just to talk to people to join the scheme. She spoke to all the people in our circle of friends but couldn’t get anyone to join. She spoke to my mother, trying to convince her to join.
My mother called to ask if it was a good thing. I explained everything to her and even told her why she shouldn’t join. She said, “Then I have to think critically about it before I join.” I said, “Ma, please don’t join unless you have money to waste.”
Three months later, Vanessa hadn’t made a single pesewa out of her investments. You look at her and see frustration drawn all over her face. One day she told me, “Please do this for my sake. I know you don’t want to join but do it for my sake. I’m left with only one person then I can start earning. If you agree to join, I will work my socks off and get other people to register under you. You don’t have to do anything.” I said, “I would have joined if the money involved was a little bit lower. I can’t throw all that away when I’m not sure of when I’m going to recoup that.” She got angry. She started ranting; “You never want to help me in anything. I don’t have a job. This is the only thing I can do to sustain myself for now but you won’t help because you’re comfortable. Even your mother has seen how helpful this thing is and had joined but you think you’re wiser than all of us.”
I asked calmly, “My mother? You mean you convinced my mother to join that scheme?” She said, “She made a good choice because she knows what that money can do for her.” I called my mother that day. I asked why she joined without telling me. She said, “Vanessa said she would do everything on my behalf so I earn monthly dollars.” I knew I was in trouble.
Seven months later Vanessa hadn’t made anything. My mother had also been calling her asking when her monthly dollars would start hitting her account. She would come to my place, prepare food and take some of the food in a bowl to her house. She was embarrassed to ask me for help. She was also embarrassed to accept that the scheme didn’t work as she dreamed of. She came to me the other time and told me to help her pay my mother’s money. She said, “It’s not going to be easy for me to get her to earn anything. To avoid the embarrassment, help me to pay her off so she can get off my neck.” I asked, “So how much would you contribute?” She said, “You can pay her for me so when I start earning, I pay you.”
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But I wasn’t going to do that because I didn’t have that kind of money to throw away. She got angry. “You’ve never helped in anything since I lost my job yet you call yourself my boyfriend.” She said all she wanted to say but I wasn’t ready to pay that amount to my mother. Because of that, she stopped coming to my place and barely picked my calls. I went to her one day asking her what the issue was. She said, “I don’t want a future with a man who doesn’t want to help. Just leave me alone. I’ll work and refund your mother’s money so I will be free.” I asked her, “Are you telling me that the relationship is over because I’m refusing to help?” She said, “I didn’t say that but if that’s what you want, I can give you a break.”
I don’t know why she’s angry with me. If anything, I should be the one to get angry and not her. She doesn’t pick my calls and she doesn’t pick my mother’s call. I’ve explained everything to my mother and somehow, she understands but her problem is, she doesn’t understand why Vanessa won’t pick her calls and tell her something.
The whole thing is getting on my nerves and I want to walk away from the relationship. I don’t want a situation where she would turn back and accuse me of leaving her in a lurch. Honestly, I’m confused. She won’t see me and she won’t talk to me and I’ at a loss why she’s doing all that just to push me away. Should I ignore her and move on with my life? Or I should keep chasing her, hoping she’ll come around very soon.
–Brown
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Dear Brown,
I don’t think there will be any coming around for her. She got lured into a get-rich-quick scheme and got duped. Unfortunately, shoe took others like your mom down with her.
The only reason I can think of for her anger towards you is that she is ashamed. When people go against advice and it backfires the shame is so immense that anger becomes the next best thing, a defence mechanism of sorts. So know that behind all that anger is shame and disappointment in herself.
You will have to sit down and have a talk with her. If you think this relationship is worth fighting for then you can offer to help her to earn some money to defray the debt. Note that I didn’t say you have to offer her the money. Just ask her what she is doing about the debt incurred while she waits for her so called dollars to come in. If she has a genuine and well-thought out response or plan then you can offer to help her where you can. Otherwise I am afraid walking away becomes a very real possibility. Then again if you think it is worth it, you can give her a loan that she has to pay back.