Two weeks into our relationship, she told me we couldn’t have sex until we were married. I was surprised she could say that when she had just accepted my proposal after tossing me around for over two months.

I told her it would be difficult for me, but I was going to try. She said she didn’t want a man who was only trying. Her love was not for trials. She wanted a committed man regardless of the situation. When I insisted that I didn’t know how far my strength could carry me without my fleshly desires taking over, she got up and left.

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She didn’t respond to my calls for three days. When I finally met her, she told me the relationship was over because I couldn’t give her much assurance. I loved her. The relationship was new. I didn’t want to lose her just because of that, so I begged her to come back again. She said no. She said she was scared that I might even force it when I was alone with her.

We went back and forth for over a month before she agreed to return to the relationship. There’s something about Leticia that I loved so much. The way she brings fun to the occasion and also keeps me grounded with her level-headedness. I knew I could keep her for the future, and my love would be in safe hands. Because of this, I tried to handle her with care, did whatever she wanted so I wouldn’t lose her.

One day, I was on my couch watching TV when she joined me on the couch. She lifted my arm and crawled under it. A few seconds later, she reached out for a kiss, and I responded. She pulled away quickly, got up, and started leaving. I asked what the problem was. She told me nothing was the problem, but she just remembered something she had to do, so she was going home.

She got home and texted, “I was testing you to see if the spirit of sex is still in you. Look at how you grabbed the kiss. If I allowed it, you would have slept with me. You are not in love. You just want to sleep with me. Please, let’s end it here.”

Ah, I didn’t initiate the kiss mpo. She did, and I responded. In fact, I got frustrated and called her bluff, “Fine. Let’s break up. What did I do wrong? You’re just looking for a reason to leave, but it’s fine.”

We had dated for only four months, but that was our second breakup. It lasted for only four days. I went to beg and asked her not to destroy our beautiful relationship. When she agreed to come back, I begged her not to test me again because it was not easy not to fail such a test. “Do only what you want to do and don’t call it a test. I might fail. Please, help me survive this.”

We dated for another five months, happily and beautifully. She got to meet my mom and later my dad. They both saw the light in her. My dad even applauded me for inheriting his sense of taste for beauty. She was welcomed into the family, and right there, I knew there was no turning back for both of us.

After that introduction, she was very happy, especially with the way my parents accepted her. She said she was convinced that I was serious about the relationship, so she could relax and give all her love away to me. So one evening, she said she was going to spend the night with me. It was the first time she had suggested that.

We went to bed very early, and she gave me a peck on the lips and said goodnight, but a few minutes later, we were locked up in a deep embrace, kissing and working our way towards the final destination. I wasn’t sure if that was also a test, everything that was happening. I whispered, “If that’s a test, please, I’m failing. I hope it doesn’t cause any problem.”

She didn’t talk back. She was silent until we got to the end of the show. I said, “Wow,” in my head while she carried my arm and crawled under it. In the morning, I was looking for signs that said she was angry because I failed a test, but that didn’t happen. She was cheerful. She even cooked for us and stayed until late in the day before she left.

That was a Saturday. On Monday, late in the afternoon, she called, and I missed it. I was very busy at work. So busy I couldn’t call back or even check my messages until I closed from work, when I called back. She didn’t pick up. I went to check my messages, and she had sent a series of messages in the afternoon, but her last message was a few minutes ago. She said, “Now, you’ve gotten what you want, so you don’t pick my calls or answer my messages. Fine!”

I knew I was in trouble, so instead of going home straight from work, I went to her house. When she saw my face at the door, she quickly banged it and locked it. I knocked and knocked and knocked for several hours. She didn’t open. She later texted that I could sleep at her door, and she didn’t mind because the relationship was over.

When she wouldn’t open, I went home. I knew she would calm down later, and we would talk. Four or five days later, I went back to her place. She repeated the same attitude. I got angry this time and told her not to ever come back into my life again. She should take her drama to the next town, far from me.

A week or so later, we were back to laughing and loving again. We talked about the problem and agreed it wasn’t going to happen again. We got intimate to seal the agreement. For the next five months or so, all was well with our relationship. Intimacy had become part of the menu, so I had nothing to worry about or fight about.

Until she returned from Greater Works recently, a church crusade, to tell me she had given herself to Christ. Old things have passed away, so she can’t accommodate an old me in her new life. She said I’m the only reason she sinned, so without me, her new holy way of living would thrive.

I even asked what I could do to help this newfound love for Christ. She said, “The only way is to stay away from me without being a temptation.”

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This is where we are now. She doesn’t pick up my calls and doesn’t want to see me. I keep wondering if this is the actual end of our relationship or if she will pop up someday and ask us to be us again. Yes, I love her, but it’s becoming a little too much, these disappearing acts.

I think of her and I want her back, but is it worth the struggle to continue loving a woman like that? Hmmm. I pray I get the strength to say no and the courage to mean it when she comes back. This is too much for my heart to bear.

—Abrakwa     

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