My Sister Wants Me To Chase Her Husband, But I Refuse

Immediately my sister completed her tertiary education, she brought a man home and told us he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was a shocker. One would expect that she would wait until after her national service, get a good job, become financially stable, and settle down before making such a big decision. But then again, love was involved. Nothing is beyond that feeling that makes you take certain kinds of decisions.

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I had also just returned home after completing senior high school. The day she brought the man home, I was there. He was smelling of abroad. He wore chains and walked with an aura that even our living room could not contain.

They had been talking to each other and dating for a while. He lives in Germany.

I was happy for her as I inspected him with my eyes. But I have a talent for sniffing out men with red flags. I am young, but I just had the instinct for it. It turned on immediately; he opened his mouth to speak.

There was always something about him that I considered wrong, and I kept expecting my sister to call off the marriage. The way he talked, the way his shoulders were always up high, something about him just did not sit right with me.

My sister knew about some of these things. I mean, you cannot be dating someone and have all their red flags look green to you. Yes, love can blind people, but my sister was smarter than that.

Anyway, they still got married. The marriage, I believed, happened because my sister was enthused with the idea of marrying, not just that but marrying a borga.

Before the wedding, there was a little squabble here and there between the bride and the groom’s elder brother. I didn’t even know what was with the two of them. Little things sparked rage between the two. My sister would report the issue to her fiancé and expect him to speak to his elder brother. He would, but it only added fuel to the fire between the two of them. My sister would feel like her fiancé didn’t respect or love her enough to fight for her, this and that. This made their already unhealthy relationship even worse.

Since my brother-in-law was out of the country, I went to live with my sister after the whole marriage ceremony, keeping the new bride company. Then I became the live-in counsellor. The newly wedded couple would fight about lack of communication, and my sister would come to complain to me. “Do you see what he is doing? He will say I am nagging too much. He said he will call at 9:00 p.m., it is 9:30, no missed call.” I would calm her down, text him, and remind him. When he was also feeling strained, I was his go-to therapist. Not only to the couple, but also the brother-in-law and my sister too. He too asked me to be talking to her.

I moved back home still; I was their unpaid counsellor.

They nearly got divorced. Nearly, it left small, it was that bad that my brother-in-law sent his elder brother to come see my parents about dissolving the marriage. Tempers were high; no one wanted to come off their high horse. This is when my sister thought I could come in and plead on his behalf, because again he shows me some form of respect you will normally give to an elderly. I have the same name as his mom, so even once in a while he calls me his mother.

I called him, we exchanged greetings, and then I started the talk, my counselling talk. He was rude, speaking to me very rudely, and even threw some careless words around, some of which fit me. I refused to be ragebaited and said that he was speaking out of frustration, so I’d let him be. We were not done talking oo, but he cut me short during my submission and said he was driving and would chat me back. That was all. He didn’t call me or text back after that.

Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?

That is how some weeks later they have made up, and there is no fire on the mountain again. Which is happy news. Recently my sister was telling me that her borga husband was complaining that it has been long since I last reached out to him. So, I should try to check up on him once in a while.

I laughed. “I am waiting till he finally packs his car so we can text!” Am I rude for saying that and also waiting till he texts first? Am I being too childish, or does it reek of pride?

—JESSICA

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