Fourteen years after our marriage, my husband and I decided to get a divorce before things turned even uglier than they already were.

Two kids, celebrations, disappointments,  and sacrifices later, here we are.

Before marriage, I was my own woman. I worked, earned my own money, saved some of it, and was able to help my siblings and my parents too. Then I got married, and I had no other option than to quit my job and become a housewife. I woke up before the rooster crowed the second time, bathed the kids, got their food ready for school, took them to school, returned home, and did everything else that needed doing. It was a cycle of rinse, wash, and repeat. It was fulfilling, but it was suffering too.

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In addition, I didn’t receive any allowance for sacrificing my career to stay home. Neither did I complain, nothing like that. To be fair, our basic necessities were provided, and that was where it ended. My husband would put an amount on the table, and it was for running the home, food and other household supplies, but nothing for my personal needs. So whenever I needed anything for myself, I either had to save for months or find a way to ask him.

It happened several times until one morning the thought came to my head and refused to leave me alone. No one had to tell me to get something doing. I started selling petty items just to make ends meet.

During the early stages of the marriage, he objected to all my suggestions of income-earning activities and basically wanted me to be a full-time housewife. I probably would have been one if he had been generous to me, but he had chisel hands. Seeing as all he cared about was his extended family, “my grandmother this, my uncle that, my auntie this,” I started a very small business to generate an income for myself.

He didn’t give me any capital to start the business. I used my little savings and kept reinvesting the profits until the business grew. Only then did he start throwing accusations at me.

“You’re a bad wife.”

“You’re a proud wife.”

“See how your friends are home waiting on their husbands. Yours is different.”

There were a whole lot of accusations he jabbed at me.

Then, one day, he married a second wife. According to him, he needed someone who would take better care of him. Imagine hearing that after spending years waking up before dawn, taking care of the children, running the home, cooking, cleaning, and putting everyone else’s needs before your own. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was as though everything I had sacrificed counted for nothing

My business started doing well, and I could afford some upgrades in life, so I concentrated on myself and my kids. Some years ago, I started a building project that saw more pauses than progress. After I got a good hold of the business and started earning profits, I went back to it and completed it.

When the building project started, I involved him because I had no experience, but he categorically told me he didn’t want to be involved.

“My hands are not in it. Do whatever you like.”

I wanted him to be involved with the projects, but since he didn’t want the responsibility, I wore it myself. I went through it all alone without a single contribution from him, neither financially nor in supervising the project.

What even motivated me to start building was that anytime we had an argument, he would threaten to throw me out of the house.

“Who will even take you and your baggage? Try me and see.”

When a man shows you who he is, believe him. I didn’t want to be left at his mercy.

Now that we are finalising the divorce, I am demanding that he pays me rent. The rent is actually meant for the kids. Since I am moving out, if I had nowhere else to go, he would have been ordered to pay rent. It is the same thing, only that he is paying the rent to me, and only 50 percent of it.

He says it’s my house and sees no reason why he should contribute to rent.

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My question is, if I hadn’t built the house, wouldn’t he have contributed towards renting an apartment for the kids and me? Isn’t he trying to reap where he didn’t sow?

He contributed nothing to starting the business. Again, he explicitly told me not to involve him in my building project. Shouldn’t he assume that I have no house and pay his part? Am I wrong? Am I selfish? Isn’t this what is due me? Isn’t that what I am fighting for?

— NURU
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