I was my mom’s favorite. From childhood, I got everything first, even before my siblings ever got it. I was the middle child, and people wondered why she loved me more instead of the last-born.

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When my dad died, she turned all her attention to me at the detriment of my elder sister and younger brother. If they needed anything, they would tell me to tell Mom. And I had to say it as if I was the one who needed it before my mom would provide. If they destroyed something and they didn’t want to be beaten, they would tell me to own up as the culprit so my mom would leave them alone.

When we grew up a little and I came to my senses, I rebelled. I fought against my mom for the sake of my siblings. My elder sister became very timid and couldn’t express herself very well because of how my mom treated them.

We grew up. My elder sister left home very early and came back with a man she wanted to marry. I was there and saw the man. He smelled and behaved like a rich man. I saw the car he drove and said to myself, “Yeah, he’s a wealthy man.”

I remember jumping up and down in my room with my sister as if I was the one going to marry him. When they left, my mom called me. She said, “You’ve seen the kind of man your sister brought home? I don’t expect anything less than that. You’re more beautiful and graceful than her. You deserve better.”

Honestly, what she said didn’t get into my head one bit. I was dating Abram. He was a young man starting life from scratch, but he gave me everything I needed in a man. Not material things. He was supportive, kind, and always there for me. Because of what my mom had told me, I couldn’t take him home. I hid him for over a year. Even when we were talking about marriage, I still didn’t introduce him.

One day I took him home. But before I did, I called my mom to warn her not to say anything that would put my relationship in jeopardy. She said, “That means you’re bringing a nobody, right?” I answered, “I’m bringing a man who knows how to care and love.” She responded, “Care and love, that’s what poor guys give when they can’t give money.”

I didn’t bother. I took him home. Her reaction was lukewarm, but that still didn’t bother me. Later she called to say, “You embarrassed me.” I answered, “He’s a grower. He’ll do better in life someday.”

When I got married, my mom never smiled at me again and instead formed an alliance with my elder sister. She would go and visit my elder sister every month but wouldn’t even look my way once. My sister had a child. My mom spoke to my sister’s husband, begging him to name their daughter after her. The man didn’t agree.

When I had my first child, I begged my mom to come over to help me. She asked me, “And live in which house? That house that even midgets would struggle to live in?”

We were living in a two-bedroom house then. She could have had a whole room to herself, but my mom never came. To date, she doesn’t know where I live. My husband said, “Maybe if we named the child after her, then she would be happy.”

I called to tell her that we had named the baby after her. She replied, “Please, don’t put my name on things that don’t have a future. Remove it.”

I cried that day. My husband said, “Maybe we should stop trying to get her attention. God knows we’ve tried.”

My sister bought her a new phone and taught her how to use WhatsApp. Every morning she would post my sister’s daughter and shower praises on her as her only grandchild. She would post my sister’s husband too, and then post my sister. She even changed her name to “Sɛ Mɛnhyia.”

I blocked her on WhatsApp and decided to focus on my life. We are not doing badly in life. My husband owns his own business. I have a good job too, but because I didn’t marry a man richer than the man my elder sister married, my mom feels disappointed in me and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.

I read a story here the other time where a lady said she would watch her mother die and deliver a speech at her grave. That story felt like my own story that had been twisted in the middle. After reading the story, I called my sister to let her know that I still love her as a sister but, going forward, anything concerning my mom, she should not involve me.

My brother is living abroad now. He knows everything. When I told him, he called my mom and told her what I had said and used it as an opportunity to blast her for the way she was treating me. He said my mom told him I shouldn’t even visit her grave when she dies and that she would rest in peace.

What’s my sin? I only married a man who was doing less well than the man my elder sister married.

Would it be wrong on my side if I cut her off completely and no longer consider her my mom? What’s the use of a mother who has spent her life loving one child more than the others? What’s the use of a mother whose sole aim is to hate me for marrying the man I love? I won’t send a penny for her burial, and I won’t go there either, so her wish will be granted.

—Vera

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