We started talking in somewhere 2018. He said a friend of mine gave him my number. I asked him, “For what reason?” And he said, “I asked her if I could get your number and she gave it to me.” I asked that my friend’s name and he mentioned Agatha. I asked, “Agatha? From church?” He said, “Yeah, that your friend.” So, we had a very long conversation where he asked questions and I answered. When we hang up the call, I called Agatha; “What did he say before you gave him my number?” She said, “I thought you knew him. He was with us in the church until he relocated some months ago.”

She tried everything to make me remember him but I couldn’t. Our church isn’t a small church so it’s almost impossible to know everyone in the church. When I probed further, Agartha said, “He only told me that he wanted your number. I thought he had something to tell you. If not, then he’s simply interested in you.” I kept that one in mind; “He’s simply interested in me.”

He called every day and night without declaring his intentions. He later said he wanted to be a friend. I said, “Ok.” Days later he said, “I want us to be more than friends.” I said, “Ok.” He asked, “Is that all you can say?” I said, “What else can I say?” We met one evening in town and while seated enjoying some meals, he told me his mind; “I watched you from afar when I was at there in the church. I didn’t know how to approach you so I admired you from a distance. Just when I made up my mind to approach you, I moved.” I asked him, “So what do you want from me now?” He said, “I want us to be in a relationship. It’s taken me a lot of time and courage to say this so trust me when I say that I love you.”

I told him to give me some time to think about it. When he realized I was keeping long in giving him a response, he said, “You don’t have anything to lose. There would be no sex until we are married so at any point you think I’m not good for you, you can leave without losing anything.” I said yes to him not because of the no sex he promised. He had been a good person plus we belonged in the same church.

When we dated, there were few times I went to his house and left very late. I never slept over and I never went to his house to do anything for him. He said, “To avoid any temptations, it’s better we don’t find ourselves in any compromising situations.” I understood him and did whatever he asked me to do. In February 2020, he gave me a hint about marriage. He asked if I was ready and I said, “Why not? I’m not growing any younger and the reason for our being together is to get married so why waste time?”

We started making plans for marriage. He came to do the knocking in September 2020. After the knocking, I was so sure we were going to get married so I went to his place one night and decided to sleep over. He objected. He said, “We are not married yet. We shouldn’t be seen spending nights together when we hadn’t sealed the marriage in the presence of God.” I tempted him in various ways but he remained resolute. Even a kiss, I suffered before getting a few seconds of it.

Finally, in January 2021, we got married. I’d been starved from the day I said yes to him so I was eager to get into the hotel very quickly and start doing the do. Wedding over. Everyone was gone. Finally, it was just the two of us in the hotel. All excuses were no longer valid. I was waiting for the action.

Light went off and the two of us got going. It was obvious he was also starved from the way he was behaving. We had a beautiful night that set the tone for the rest of the honeymoon. We spent four days at the hotel and surprisingly, that was the only time we did it. I tried getting us to do it again—I tried on different occasions—morning, afternoon, and evening but he used fatigue as a reason to deny me until we left the hotel to the house.

It took us one week before we did it again. That too was splendid. I even said Thank you to him after the show. From there it got sporadic. I didn’t complain. I waited patiently until he himself was ready to do it. One night it occurred to me that I haven’t seen my husband’s ‘joystick’ since we got married—as in I had felt him use it but I haven’t seen it physically. I had no photographic memory of it. So, I started finding a way to see it but then, he comes to bed in his boxer shorts and only takes it off when the lights are off and we are about to have some action. He always insists the light should go off before he undresses.

He enters the bathroom and locks it. He only opens when he’s finished bathing and, in his boxers, before he comes out. One day I asked him, “We are married so why are you hiding yourself from me?” He said, “I’m not hiding myself. Being naked in front of each other is a new thing between the two of us. I need time to adjust to that reality.” I didn’t get it but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Five months down the line, I still haven’t been able to see his joystick.

We live alone but he behaves as if the two of us are strangers trapped in the same room. I’ve tried getting him on edge so we do it in the afternoon. Immediately I start, he picks himself up and walks away from me. When I complain, he will say, “I’m not sexually active like you. So pardon me. Give me some time and space to come around naturally. Don’t force it.”

I’ve started getting scared. This can’t be normal right? To live in the same room with your husband—someone you’re legally engaged with and still don’t see what’s between his thighs. It’s worrying, right? I believe our marriage is too young to bring a third party into it but I can’t shake it off my mind. Who will believe me if I tell them this story?

Sometimes I feel he’s insecure about the size but the size just works fine for me. I say thank you to him often whenever we are done. I even go ahead to tell him how wonderful he was even when he had given me a terrible show. I’m not complaining. This is what the Lord has chosen for me and I have no say in that matter but for him to hide it from me all this while, I can’t wrap my head around it.

Or I’m getting crazy thinking about a problem that shouldn’t be there? You think his reasons are good enough? You think five months is too small a time so I should give him more time? I’m confused and even embarrassed. Of all the problems in this world that couples have, see the kind of problem I’m having—problem about my husband’s joystick. Am I ok?

–Valentina

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