I knew he was a busy man when we got married three years ago, but somehow, I felt marriage was going to be different. We would live together, so seeing him every day and being with him was going to be magical. Three years after marriage, and without a child, I started questioning everything—whether I was his priority or his job was.

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I talked to him about it. Anytime he wasn’t with me when I was ovulating, I told him we could be making a baby together if he were here, but he chose his work over being with his wife. In his world, putting food on the table came before anything else. I respected that, but I needed balance.

Then I thought about his age. He’s ten years older than me. I thought his age made him see things differently. I believed it was a generational thing to see work as more important than building a family. That aside, he didn’t listen to what I said. He would listen, but what he thought always prevailed. Maybe it was the age gap. If you’re ten years older, you think you know more about life.

I was frustrated, especially because he was a hardworking man who provided everything I needed materially. He was a decent man who wouldn’t intentionally hurt you or even use words to break you down. My only problem with him was time. He should have been home more often. And the fact that he didn’t care about us not having a child after almost four years of marriage also hurt me a lot.

I went to work and cried in Roland’s arms. I told him about my suffering, and he always knew what to say to calm me down. He was younger than my husband but older than me, and he always agreed with my perspective on life. The more we talked about my marital struggles, the more we discovered how similar we were and how we both loved the same things.

I didn’t see it coming until I realized I was thinking about him more often than I was thinking about my husband. One day, in his car, we kissed.

He said, “If you were mine, we would have had plenty of kids by now because I wouldn’t take my eyes off you.”

From a simple kiss, a secret affair blossomed between us. We invested more time in making sure it wasn’t obvious. We sneaked off to his house one afternoon under the guise of making a purchase in town. We had sex for the first time, cleaned ourselves up, and went back to the office.

I thought I would feel guilty when I saw my husband after cheating, but everything felt normal. Yes, I got the occasional kicking from my conscience, but it was manageable.

I let my relationship with Roland take over, just as my husband had allowed his work to take over his life. Then I found myself trying to teach my husband what I’d learned from Roland. But each time I suggested something new, he kicked against it, perhaps thinking that because he was ten years older, he shouldn’t learn from me.

I asked for sex in the kitchen, and he asked, “Why did we buy a bed only to do it in the kitchen?”

I suggested we go out sometimes, and he asked, “After returning from work knackered?”

I felt that if we did even half of the things I did with Roland, I would have had no need for Roland, and we might probably have had a child. He didn’t listen, and because he didn’t even have time to really look at me, he didn’t notice the change Roland had brought into my life.

I dated Roland on the side for over a year, and my husband never suspected me once, even though I left traces all over the place.

One day, I told myself the best thing for me was to leave the marriage. It wasn’t even about Roland. Yes, he was there for me, but there was never a day I thought I would choose him over my husband. My husband was the 80%, and Roland added the remaining 20%. I only wanted to leave the marriage because my husband wasn’t providing my basic emotional needs.

How do you wake up one day and leave a man the whole world sees as perfect? A man who provides and doesn’t abuse you? How do you say you’re walking away from a marriage that others envy?

The first people to oppose the idea were my parents. They said it’s God who gives a child to a couple and that there is no perfect marriage. They prayed to cast the spirit of divorce out of me.

My friends thought I was being ridiculous. They also believed they knew my marriage better than I did, and in their eyes, my marriage was the best any woman could have. They advised me against leaving.

Even Roland told me, “You might not know. One day he’ll change. Keep pressing.”

So I walked away from my relationship with Roland. He was heartbroken. He begged. He took leave from work to heal, but when he returned, he only asked me to come back.

I was hurting too, but to me, he was a distraction I had to let go of so I could see my marriage for what it truly was. Maybe without him, I could see my marriage differently.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

He’s been gone for a year. I’m currently pregnant, confirming the saying that it’s God who gives a child to a couple. But even this pregnancy hasn’t changed how I feel about my marriage, nor has it changed the way my husband treats me. I still want to walk away. So many things have happened in this marriage that I believe the best thing is to let go so the two of us will be free to chase what we each want.

My plan is to go to my parents’ house when I deliver and not come back again. It will be hard to win this battle, but it’s my life. If I can’t have a win in my own life, then what else do I deserve?

—Chelsea

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