We had a fight a few weeks ago. It’s about kids. It’s about the number of kids we both want to have. Not that we didn’t discuss this before marriage. We did. She wanted three. I wanted two. We argued over this every day. When we got married, the kids started flowing as if they were hiding in the corner and we only have to call them in. A year after marriage, we had our first kid. A year and a half later, the next one came. Two years later, we had our third kid. Two boys and a girl.
I said I wanted two but I didn’t fight the idea when it became apparent that the third one was on the way coming. These are lovely kids and if you allow yourself to be drawn into the ray of light they bring to life, you might have a dozen without knowing when you started making them. My wife wanted three, we’ve had three so I thought we were settled.
Two years ago, I brought family planning into the conversation. She threw it off the table saying, “This is not the time to have such discussions. You’re only thirty-four and I’m thirty. How do we talk about things an old couple should talk about?” That conversation was killed before it even started. I know my wife. I’ve lived with her long enough to understand that when she’s not ready for a conversation, nothing will make her listen to you.
It happened when we were about to marry. I wanted to marry her earlier than I did. When I started talking about marriage, she shushed me. She said, “I’m too young to think about marriage. Let’s hold it for now.” I didn’t know when the “for now” would be over so I kept bringing it to the table and each time I did, she threw me off. “When a woman is not ready, nothing can push her to be ready. Learn to have patience,” she said. I never talked about marriage again until one day she came to me and said, “If you still want us to marry, then we can marry tomorrow. I’m ready.”
She’s that girl who always wants to live life on her own terms. If you understand it that way, then you’ll never have problems with her. Those who come against her say, she’s difficult and too stiff. I know my wife. She’s stiff but I know how to bend her over without breaking her to pieces. So, when she threw the family planning discussion off the table, I was patient. I knew the right time will come for us to have it but until that time, I had to be careful so I don’t get her pregnant.
That affected our sex life. I didn’t know when she was free and when she was not. I tried doing it protected but that night, she nearly threw me out of the room. She screamed, “Which kind of husband will use rubber on her wife? That’s insulting. You’re the man. Do the do.” Withdrawal isn’t my strong point too. I always fail. I can make a conscious effort to withdraw but when it gets to where it matters most, all caution evaporates from my head and I forget what I intended to do. The only option available for me is to rely on family planning but my wife doesn’t want to have that conversation.
This is how the fight started a few weeks ago. I said, “What are we doing so we don’t have kids again?” She said, “We won’t do anything. If God brings another one, I’ll carry it and deliver it when the time is due. I’m a woman. I’m not scared of getting pregnant so what’s your problem?” I said, “That’s not the question. Think about the responsibilities that come with it. It’s a tough world out there. Kids are very expensive. If we keep having them, we might not be able to give them the quality of life that they need. I want you to think about it that way.”
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She said, “It’s God who takes care of humans. When they come, he’ll take care of them.” That pushed me a little toward the edge. I said, “We have three now. Has God ever sent MoMo for school fees or for diapers? Don’t be overly religious without applying logic. God blesses our work. It ends there. The rest is for us. If you’re not ready for us to think about what next concerning our life and kids, then we are never going to be intimate again.” She said, “And you think I will suffer? Let’s see. Let’s see who will run to who. Unless it’s in your mind to go and get it elsewhere, other than that, I know how this is going to end.”
I’ve said everything to convince her to do something about it but she’s not ready. She’s not earning a lot of money just like I am not also earning a lot. As a couple, we have to cut our coat according to the material we have available else, we’ll suffer. But my wife doesn’t seem to understand. Last time she said she wanted two more. The other time she said she wanted twins somewhere along the line. I don’t know what she has seen in kids that she wants to go on and on having them.
Women on this platform, I need your help.
What will help change a woman’s mind? When you girls decide, nothing changes your mind? Or there’s a trick I’m missing when it comes to communication with my wife. As she said, I’m the one suffering. I want to have the freedom of mind to hit whenever and wherever without thinking whether or not babies will come out of that single shot that went in. I need answers. Please help.
–Osborn
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You here thinking about what if and she is thinking about now. That’s where are the problem is from. She wants more kids and you are looking at your pockets. The only solution is that you have to reduce unnecessary expenses. Give your wife what she wants after that you know how to sort out things because if care is not taken you might cheat on your wife or vice versa. There is nothing wrong with you being practical but if you look at your pockets you may forgone what you actually want therefore making one unhappy. Leave everything to nature. One more what ever a woman has set her mind to do she would do it. So why don’t you get her pregnant so that all this fight will cease because if you don’t many things will be destroyed. Don’t forget to always communicate with each other and pray.
Go and do vasectomy.