I got pregnant before he started talking about marriage. Because of the pregnancy, we had to do the customary rites quickly so I could move in with him and prepare for the arrival of our baby. Everything happened so fast back then, and we both agreed that we would go to court and officially register the marriage later.

Ten years have passed since then, we now have three children together, and we still have not gone to the court.

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Whenever I bring up the issue, he paints a picture of me being impatient or desperate for a ring. From time to time, I tell him, “I am not after your property if that’s what you think, and I am not interested in anything you own.” That is the truth. I am content with what I have, but I also believe that what should be done should be done. As his wife, I feel that I should have a marriage certificate that legally recognizes our union.

I have spoken to him about it many times, and I have even discussed it with some of his family members. I made it clear that if the court signing never happens, I will return to my father’s house because I do not feel secure in this situation.

Some people may wonder how I can feel unsafe after almost ten years together and three children later, but the answer is simple. People like to say that a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, yet that piece of paper says a lot. In today’s world, men cannot always be trusted, and that document can go a long way in protecting both parties while giving a woman peace of mind.

What troubles me even more is that all my records and official documents state that I am married. If one day I am asked to provide my marriage certificate along with my wedding photos, what exactly am I supposed to present? That question keeps bothering me.

This is not about property, inheritance, or wealth. I genuinely believe that the proper thing should be done. Customary marriage alone feels incomplete to me, especially when I look at the modern world and see the situations many women find themselves in every day. Too many stories end badly, and too many women are left vulnerable after investing years of their lives in relationships they believed were secure.

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I am not asking for luxury, money, or anyone’s possessions. I simply want our marriage to be legally recognized so that I can feel safe, secure, and respected in the union I have invested almost ten years of my life in.

—Yvette

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