I met Evans two months before I started my National service in 2016. We started dating a month after knowing each other. It was Evan who helped me to get accommodation where I was working. We didn’t live in the same place but any spare time he had, he came to my place to spend it with me. He showed me a kind of love I had never experienced from any other man. He tolerated a lot from me without being angry and that made me love him the more.

Weeks into the relationship, I started seeing kids’ toys, baby foods, and other baby essentials in his car. That struck a curious chord in me. When I got the time to visit his place I noticed how clean and kept the kitchen was. It looked like a kitchen a woman uses often. His fridge was stocked with food, baby foods, and others. It made me feel uneasy until I started asking questions. He told me, “I live with my sister and these things you see belongs to her.”

I never met that sister of his any time I went to see him and that raised the decibels of my curiosity. I started asking questions from the people around him. Some corroborated the lies but one of his friends was very honest with me. He said, “He’s living with a woman he has two kids with. They are not married though.” I got furious and broke up with him. He came around one early morning with a lot of excuses. He said a lot of things that I felt were lies but the love I had for him pushed me to believe him. So, we came back together again.

One year into the relationship, I asked to meet his family. He said, “You have to be patient. At the right time, I’ll introduce you to anyone you want to meet.” Three years into the relationship, I still didn’t know any of his family members not to talk of his siblings. When I asked about marriage, he ignored me and looked for a nice way to change the topic. I knew he wasn’t serious about me so I started looking for an exit plan.

Evans’s role in my life was so huge he was present at every corner of my life. He rented me an apartment and bought me a new mattress. He gave me weekly allowances when I was searching for a job. Even after I had a job, he continued throwing money my way. Four years into the relationship, I got pregnant, I was so excited I rushed to break the news to him. He said, “I don’t think I’m financially ready to take care of another baby.” This was a guy who gave me whatever I asked for. His kids with that baby mama were in an elite school. Evans was in the position to afford a lot of things in life but he was asking me to get rid of what was his and mine all because of financial reasons.

I did hesitate for a week but I eventually decided to get rid of it and move on with my life.  I blamed myself for stupidly believing in him. Slowly, I moved on and thought no apology from him would bring us back.

Three months later I met Frank, I fell in love with his personality and the ideas he brought to the table. I always wanted to be closer to him to learn a lot of things. Frank and I didn’t waste a lot of time and started dating.  We went on weekend getaways when we had the time and spent a lot of our free time together.

Evans got a hint of my new relationship and started coming to my place uninvited and at ungodly hours. He didn’t see what he wanted to see. He went to see my mother to help him apologize on his behalf for what had happened. My mum convinced me to give him the last chance. She also made him promise to bring his family to meet my family.

After my reconciliation with Evans, Frank and I grew apart.

I called Evans on video one early morning. The call was picked by his baby mama. She said, “Evans is still in bed. You can call later when he’s up.” She hung up without a word from me. All day, I was expecting a call from Evans but he never called. Days later, he showed his face at my place pretending he didn’t know about the call his baby mama picked. We had an argument, which led to our second breakup.

Frank and I rekindled our relationship in less than a month after the incident with Evans. Evans didn’t stop coming after me until one day he crashed with Frank at my place. Frank concluded that I was still seeing Evans so he called off our relationship. A few weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. The pregnancy was for Frank so I called to inform him. He said, “I doubt that pregnancy is mine. You were also involved with Evans, remember? How can you be so sure that it’s mine?”

I never expected that reaction from him but he went ahead to tell me to get rid of it or give birth so he can conduct a DNA test to be sure it’s his. I got angry and cut ties with him. He might have thought I got rid of it when he wasn’t hearing from me. On the other side, Evans never stopped coming. One day, he saw the signs and asked if I was pregnant and I said yes. He asked, “Who is responsible?” I didn’t say a word. He kept quiet and didn’t ask that question again. He took the responsibility for it though I never mentioned him as the one responsible.

When my stomach started getting bulgy, my family mounted pressure on Evans to perform the marital rights which he never did. But he was always there for me, providing everything I needed to have a smooth pregnancy, and even gave me money to shop for baby stuff. Looking at the way he was invested in the pregnancy, I had no option but to tell him the truth. I told him Frank was responsible for the pregnancy. He said, “I know he’s the one responsible.” I couldn’t muster the courage to tell him how and why Frank denied responsibility for the pregnancy. He kept providing for me and kept being around me even after knowing the truth.

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Seven months into the pregnancy, Frank started showing concern for the pregnancy. He said he was sorry for the way he treated me and begged for a comeback. I told him, “My family and everyone here knows Evans is the father of my baby. I’m the only one who knows you’re responsible for this. I cannot go back now to inform everyone who the real father is. He admitted being the cause of the whole confusion and asked us to start all over again.

I had safe delivery a month ago but the problems never stop coming. The issue now is who’s going to name my daughter. Evans has been there for me through it all and he’s the one everyone knows as the father. Frank on the other hand is here willing to make it up to me and the baby if only I will tell my family that he’s the one responsible.

Honestly, after everything is said and done, I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with any of them. But for now, I want to give honor to who honor is due. I’m still thinking of what to do. Nothing clear now. I think about it each day and still don’t know what to do. I need help.

–OAK

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