She wasn’t working when I met her. She had completed the university not too long ago and was in the job market looking for a job. I didn’t mind that she wasn’t working. I made it a point to help her find the job she desires while helping her out every now and then. Five months after dating, she told me she wanted to leave her parent’s house to rent a place of her own. I told her, “Getting a place of your own doesn’t end there. Other expenses will follow. You have to pay for utilities and you would always be under pressure when your rent is about to expire. Why don’t you take your time until you get a job first?”

She said the pressure on her was too much and she was tired of living with her parents. “They don’t see me as an adult and that hurts. They still treat me like a kid all because I don’t have a job of my own. I have to move so they learn to respect me.” I told her to look at the bigger picture before she leaps. I thought she had understood me. One month later she asked me, “Are you going to help me rent the place or not?” I said, “I thought we already agreed that you’ll get a job before you leave?”

A week later she told me, “I’ve found a place and I’m moving out of my parents’ house. I’ve used everything I have to get the place. You’ll need to help me furnish it.” I was surprised by her decision to leave but when you love someone, you support them even when it doesn’t make sense. I got a small truck for her to move her things and paid for some extra work she had to do in the house. I also helped her put the place in order.

After everything, she said, “Thank you very much for understanding me. I had to do this for me and you. Now, you have a place you can always come to.” Then the bills started coming. Today light bill, tomorrow water bill. As if these were not enough problems, she would call asking for things I couldn’t afford until I put my two months’ salary together. I told her, “Young woman, you need to slow down. If we continue living life this way, things would be difficult for us. Just slow down until you get a job and get these things for yourself.”

What I said didn’t go well with her. She got angry saying I’ve never supported her in anything. She said, “I’m a woman and I have needs. That’s why you’re there to support me.” She called it ‘support’ but what I was doing in her life wasn’t support. I was rather doing everything.

Things changed rather quickly. Her lifestyle changed. She started living a life my salary couldn’t provide. Not only that. She stopped asking me for those things she usually asked of me. I saw the change but didn’t ask questions. All I was interested in was helping her get a job so I went around distributing her CV to friends and associates. She didn’t care about a job. She had stopped searching; She said, “They are not calling back so what do you expect me to do?”

She got an iPhone 12 Pro Max some months ago. I asked her, “Who got you this phone?” She got angry; “What do you mean by that question? You mean I can’t get myself an iPhone?” This is a girl who couldn’t afford GHC100 electricity prepaid. This is a girl I had to give a monthly allowance to before she could survive the month. This is a girl who didn’t earn a pesewa in a month. I told her, “If you have that much, then why do I bother?”

We’ve dated for two good years now and this girl still doesn’t have a job. The surprising thing is, she continues living the life of a rich man’s daughter. There’s always something new in her life or something new in her room. I wouldn’t go to her room for a week and the next time I go there, there would be something new in the room. She hates it when I ask where she got the things from so I decided not to ask but instead put my eyes on the ground.

I don’t know the password to her phone so no matter how hard I try, I get nothing. A month ago I decided to call off the relationship. I stopped calling her and I stopped visiting her. She realized the change in me and started asking why I’m behaving coldly towards her. The next thing I knew, she had told my mother that I’ve had a new girlfriend so I’ve started ignoring her. That night, I went to her room and saw a newly installed air condition. I said, “You don’t have any work you do but you own things that people who work can’t afford. A few months ago, you couldn’t afford to pay light bills, now you own an air conditioner. Who’s sponsoring this life you’re living?”

She said, “When I ask from you, you complain. When I don’t ask and get it myself too, you complain. What do you want me to do? Tell me?” “Get a job,” I said. She responded, “Then employ me. Why does my happiness make you sad? Can’t I have a life because I’m in a relationship with you?”

That day I told her it was over. She said, “Thank God. I’m sick and tired of all this drama.” When I left her place, I knew that was the end of us. I knew I wasn’t going back to that purposeless relationship again. I blocked her on WhatsApp and even blocked her line. A week later, I was returning from work when I saw her seated in front of my door. When I got to the door, she stood up. She said, “We need to talk.” I said, “There’s nothing to talk about.” She said, “You’re taking things to the extreme and it’s not good for us.” I said, “There’s no more us.”

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When I opened the door, she came in. She said, “Maybe I haven’t told you everything but I didn’t think it was important for me to tell you. My friends know that I don’t work so they try to throw some favor my way every now and then. I have two friends abroad. There’s nothing going on between us but anytime I ask them for favors, they come through for me. One gave me the iPhone and one sends me money monthly. I’m not sleeping with men for those things you see. I love you and want this relationship to work that’s why I don’t want to overburden you with my problems”

That night, we were able to resolve our differences and she slept over. I appreciated the effort she put in to get us back together again. She promised to work hard to get a job or start doing something with what she gets from friends.

It’s been a month already and I haven’t seen any improvement in her attitude towards finding work. Trying to catch her for cheating has also become too much work for me. I’ve gone to her place unannounced at odd hours but she was always there. When I’m with her, she doesn’t do anything suspicious. I will go on WhatsApp late at night to check if she’s online and she’ll be offline.

Everything I’ve done has led me to a place where there’s nothing to use to accuse her but her lifestyle gives me worries. The things she’s able to afford while unemployed give me a headache. Am I thinking too much? Am I trying to create a storm in a teacup or my suspicion and worries are justified?

–Arthur

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