My wife and I are going through a divorce, and like any other divorce, this one is turbulent. Some days it moves slowly, other days it is frustrating from start to finish. She says one thing, I say another. We are stuck in the middle of nowhere, and at this point, it is clear why we are getting divorced.

For almost three good years, I was denied lot of things, inculding sex and worst of all she mismanaged our home. When everything started falling apart, we tried therapy, fingers crossed, hoping something could be salvaged.
We have two children, which made this decision even harder. You do not just walk away easily when kids are involved. But there was no light at the end of the tunnel for us, so we had to call it quits. It became obvious we were too far gone.

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The truth is, we have been going back and forth with this divorce for years now, and somewhere along the line, I moved on. The kind of moving on that makes people question the kind of man I am. But I was the one wearing the shoe, and I am the only one who knows how tight it was.

I have been seeing someone for about four months now. I am 37, she is 34. I have kids, she does not.

And that is where the real problem starts.

Our biggest fight, almost every day, is that I am still in the middle of a divorce. It is not finalized yet. I keep saying it should be done by the end of July, but even that, I am not completely sure of. I was honest with her from the beginning because I did not want to build anything on the wrong footing. But somehow, honesty is not enough.

She says she is at a point in her life where she wants clarity and stability. She wants to know exactly where I stand and what the future looks like. And I cannot even argue with that. She is right.

So I am trying. Really trying.

I have introduced her to my brother and sister, which is not something I do lightly. To me, that means something. But now it feels like even that is not enough. I have been clear about my intentions. I have not hidden anything.

Still, my parents are asking me to slow down, to wait until the divorce is fully done before taking anything further. And then there is my father, who is currently staying with me. From her point of view, it probably just makes everything look even more unsettled. She keeps asking questions about it, why he is with me at his age and at mine, and every answer seems to open another question.

The last time we met, we went over the same conversation again. Round and round. And in all of it, I poured myself out like a man who is deeply, almost recklessly in love. I want to believe it moved her, even a little.

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But I also know this. Feelings do not cancel out uncertainty.

 

The last time, a question was asked here: is it wrong to date someone who is going through a divorce but not yet officially divorced? He showed proof that he is in the process of divorcing. Is that enough reason to start something with him?

There was an uproar. A lot of things were said in response. Some people insisted it is a red flag, that it is too risky, too uncertain, and possibly even a setup. Others argued that not every situation is the same, and that there are genuinely good people who simply find themselves in complicated transitions.

I am one of them.

Sometimes you meet someone who feels right, but the timing refuses to cooperate. Right now, all I can do is close this chapter of my life the right way and hope that when everything is finally settled, she is still there, and we can begin again with something clear.

—Mikey

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