The first time I was experienced broken heart,  was when I found out that the man I was supposed to marry was AS, and I am SC. We simply could not be together, so we parted ways. A year later, he got married. It should have been me, but life took that away from me.

Because I was brokenhearted, and my upbringing did not exactly allow me to enter a club and drink it away, I buried myself in books. I lived by the mantra, I will marry my books and give birth to success.

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Along the line, another man came into my life. When he found out about my genotype, he patronized me. When I stood my ground, he said, “You with sickle cell, you want to wait till marriage? I am even doing you a favour.” All because I refused to have sex with him on the first date.

On my graduation day, I was sad. My mates who were married were jubilating with their husbands. Some arrived with flower bouquets, a peck and a kiss here and there. Some were taking pictures with their children. And I stood there with my family, with silence, pain, and anguish.

In 2020, during the lockdown, I met a man who started talking about marriage just after a week. It did not make sense to me, I run from him as long as my legs carried me but every where I hid, he found me.
When I told him about my genotype, he did not even flinch. He just said, “And so?”

He held my hands and went all the way to meet my family, even when I was the one hesitating. All this time, I did not know his genotype status. Every time I brought it up, he was nonchalant about it. I told myself I couldn’t go through that pain again. Before I get my heart broken a second time, I need to see your test results in my hands.

Today, I am married to that man, and we are perfectly compatible in genotype. And not once, not in anger and not in jest, has he ever used my sickle cell status against me.

That is what love should look like. So, for anyone living with sickle cell, you are not less. You are not a burden. You are not just “lucky” to be tolerated. You deserve respect, dignity, and genuine love. Do not settle for anything less.

I want to encourage you. Even if you are AS, there is an AA man out there for you. But more importantly, there is a right man for you. The truth is, you can meet an AA man and still be treated badly. So, do not just look for a genotype. Pray for a man who understands you, respects you, and will never use your status against you.

Be patient and let God guide you. The man God gives you may not be perfect, but he will understand you. Just like my husband does. Sometimes I may not even be feeling well, maybe just a simple headache from stress, and he will calmly say, “Take paracetamol and rest,” as if it is nothing serious. He says this not because he does not care, but because he sees me as normal. He sees me as human.

He has never made me feel different. He has never used my condition against me. He does not even bring it up. And that kind of peace is priceless. You deserve that too.

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If you saw me, you would not even know I am SC unless I tell you. I do not carry myself like I am limited. I live my life fully. I do things people would assume I should not be able to do. By God’s grace, I cannot even remember the last time I had a crisis. God is faithful.

So, do not lose hope. You are not alone. The stigma is real, yes, but we are stronger.

—Vera

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