My husband was doing very well in life when we got married. He had a car at twenty-four and started building his own house even before we got married. While we were dating, he spoiled me with money, gifts, and expensive outings. To him, he was showing me love, but I came from a place of scarcity, so seeing him spend money like that scared me. I had to turn down trips because, to me, it was a waste of money.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

After marriage, I told him we should open a joint account where we would put money away for the future. He didn’t agree. He said there was no need and that he could take care of us, so I shouldn’t worry. I suggested an investment, which he agreed to but later changed his mind because his elder brother had suggested a business he thought he could invest in. So he started the business with his elder brother.

He sent money, and his elder brother managed the business. When everything I said failed, I started pushing him to complete the house so we could move in as soon as possible. He said the land was far away, and even if he completed it, we couldn’t go and live there. I said, “Complete it first, and let’s see what we would do.”

He sent money to his family and even the extended family. If someone died in their house, it was my husband they would call. If someone was in school and couldn’t pay fees, it was him they would call. Almost every weekend, there was a function at home for him to attend. One Sunday evening, he was coming from one of such events when he drove into a stationary long vehicle.

If you saw how mangled his car was, you might think he wouldn’t survive the accident, but he did. He didn’t survive as a whole person again. The accident affected his spine, and we were told he wouldn’t be able to walk again. When the accident happened, those at the scene stole everything in his car, including his phone, so it took us two days to locate him. I cried. I thought I had lost him. He was in a coma for days.

We needed money. Every medicine he needed to get better was very expensive, so very soon we depleted his account. Before he could open his mouth again to talk, he had nothing left in his account. His family started fighting with me right from the day the accident happened. They wanted access to his properties and money. They accused me of sitting on his investments, waiting for him to die so I could own everything.

Just a month or two after the accident, his family abandoned him and left everything to me. When there was no money and I contacted his brother, he told me to my face that there was no money. One day he said, “You think your husband planted a money tree in my house? There’s nothing to give. Use his investments.”

When I told my husband, he cried in the hospital bed like a child. By the time we were being discharged, we owed the hospital over GHC60,000. Where was I going to get the money from? I moved from friends and colleagues to acquaintances of my husband to raise that amount.

We had been married for only three years when all this happened. When we got back home, life became very difficult for me. Sometimes I had to rely on my own parents to take care of my husband. My salary went into buying drugs for him. I was frustrated and couldn’t even breathe. After the hospital, others suggested we could use herbal medicine to make him walk again. I moved him from one herbal center to another, wasting the little that I had.

One day I told him, “Rent is due, but we have nothing. Next month, if God doesn’t intervene, we might not be able to buy your drugs. I have nothing.” He called his brother and asked him for money. The phone was on loudspeaker. He responded, “It’s hard these days. The business is even collapsing because there’s no money to invest. I will try and see.”

Maybe he tried, but he couldn’t “see” because he sent nothing. My husband asked me to look for a buyer for the house he couldn’t complete. I said no. “That’s all you have in your name. Why should we sell it?”

But we had no option, so I put it on the market and looked for agents to help us sell it. When my husband’s father heard the house was being sold, he came to our house to fight against it. He then pointed fingers at me, saying I was the one convincing my husband to sell it. I said, “Dad, we are not selling it, but can you help us pay for drugs and also help with our rent?”

“Aren’t you a woman? Were you not the same person he spent his money on? Now that he’s sick, can’t you reciprocate his kindness?”

It wasn’t easy that day. I poured my heart out to him while crying. “We have nothing because you people have abandoned him. What are you also doing to help? When all was well, he was taking care of you.” His dad left and never came back again. He would only call and ask how he was doing.

We sold the house, paid rent, and could afford drugs for months. I invested the rest, hoping the situation would get better so we could start building again. My husband had spine issues again and collapsed. We rushed him to the hospital, and he was there for over a month. Everything was gone again, and we were back to square one.

I have taken care of him for the past four years. He doesn’t go out and doesn’t come in. Luckily for us, we don’t have a child to add to our problems. I’m tired, but nothing gets better. You will see me today and think I’m fifty years old because of how I look. Life is hard. My salary can’t do much in a month, but I have a lot to do for my husband.

Everyone sees me and remembers the “for better, for worse” vow. They tell me that was what I signed for in front of God and the church, so I should endure. I wouldn’t have a problem if I had support from his own family. The business my husband started with his brother is doing very well. His brother has a new car now, but you ask him for money and all of a sudden the business is collapsing.

No help comes from anywhere. As we speak, we are thinking of moving into a single-bedroom house when our rent expires because we can no longer afford this one. My husband has brothers and sisters. They have all taken their eyes off him. His own parents don’t count him as their child anymore. I don’t even remember the last time they came here to visit him. He’s my responsibility, but at this point, it’s beyond me.

We had a conversation one day, and he asked me to take him back to his family so I could have free hands to work and take care of myself. He said, “If you take me there and they watch me die, it’s fine. At least I will die in their hands and not yours.”

Dating A Narcissist: Lessons From Heartbreak And Abuse

It broke my heart to hear that from him. It also means he has given up on himself, and I don’t want that for him. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. I need help with everything. I need someone to also take care of me. My family is gradually abandoning me because how long can they keep supporting me? I feel all alone, and sometimes when he’s asleep, I hide and cry. How long am I going to carry this burden all alone without any help from his own family?

They have money. They can help with their time too, but no—he has a wife, so by all means she alone has to do everything. It’s hard, but what would you have done if you were in my shoes? Take him home like we discussed or continue to endure because it’s “for better, for worse”?

—Sandra 

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******