I proposed to him the very night of the day I met him. I have always believed that when you want something, you go for it. The corners are not places I usually like to pass. So, in the wee hours of that night, he stood in front of my gate, and I told him, “Be my boyfriend.” He laughed at first, but I was not laughing. He said, “Yes, I don’t usually do this, but let’s see where and how it goes.”

I met Gyan at church. I met him last year on Easter Sunday at church. I was outside with my friend chatting when he came to speak to her. They were friends, so they had things to catch up on. I got dragged into their conversation, and by the time we left the church grounds, me and him had become friends. It was through that conversation that I also found out he lived not too far from me.

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The first night we spent together revealed a lot about him. I was laying on his chest, playing with the hairs there, when I quietly asked him, “So, right now, if I fall pregnant, what will happen?” He flatly told me, “I am not ready to be a father, so the only option is to abort.” I asked him if he was serious. He nodded, “Serious as hell.”

He was 33 and I was 30 years old. He was gainfully employed and doing well, and I was not doing badly either. I was surprised, and he did not understand why I was surprised. I told him if I got pregnant, I would not abort the pregnancy, and he said he did not care.

I bought lunches for him. Whenever I got tips at work, I am a manager at a shoe shop, I shared them with him to buy lunch. When his sister needed a job, I offered to get her a place at my shop. Unfortunately, my boss did not like her, so she did not get it.

I believed I did everything possible under the sun to make him comfortable.

The one that broke the camel’s back was when I had to travel to see him because he was sick. I went with a basket full of different types of fruit. Meanwhile, I was ill myself. I had literally begged him to come to me, but it did not matter. Love is kind, love does not repay evil for evil, so I went to him.

He ordered food, and when the food arrived, he asked if I would eat and I said no. If he really wanted to give me, he would have ordered two plates.

He really did not offer me the food and I watched him ravish it. I kept thinking about my life, about me and him.

He never once brought up the issue of marriage, and according to him, he never knew when he would be ready. I never put pressure on him to marry me. The topic only came up once in a while. The one time I called him “mine,” he got angry. He said, “I am not yours. I am not an object to be owned.” And when I started my business, I asked him to help me share my flier on Twitter because he has a lot of followers there, and he told me, “I don’t do it for others, so I won’t do it for you.”

That hit me very hard because I had seen him retweet other people’s posts online.

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When I asked him why he said yes to me, he said it was because we got along. I ended the relationship that day.

I have no regrets asking him out, and I have no regrets loving the best way I knew how. I still talk to him sometimes, but this time with no feelings for him.

I gave love a shot, and it backfired. The kind of love he was offering, I was too old for it. He knew what he was doing. He did not like me enough, so he decided to frustrate me into leaving. At this point, I do not think I will be asking any man out anytime soon. I will wait to be chased and to be crowned properly, not the other way round.

—Afia

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