My wife is in a special relationship with her church and whatever the pastor says. She listens to her pastor and does everything he says, but when it comes to me, she turns into a lawyer, interrogating the rationality behind everything I say. She earns more than I do. In fact, my monthly salary is only 45% of hers, but she doesn’t do anything to help in the house because, according to the Bible, it’s a man’s duty to cater for the home.

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What does she use her salary for?

Every month, apart from paying tithe, she also contributes 30% of her salary to church projects. According to what her pastor told her, doing that will secure her a better place in heaven because she helped build the church of the Lord on earth.

It didn’t make sense to me, so I argued with her. I even threatened that I would prevent her from going to church if she didn’t stop. She told me, “Daddy said that doing God’s work comes with issues like this, and I’m not surprised that you’re acting this way.”

We can lack everything in the house, and she will not lift a finger. Even for a toilet roll, she would ask me to give her money to buy it. She once slept in darkness because I wasn’t home to buy prepaid, but she sent money to the church so the house of the Lord would stay lit.

Anytime we talk about it, she makes it sound like I’m doing this just to have access to her money. She tells me to change my job if they are not paying me enough to take care of the home. She tells me to get extra gigs to earn more income. She talks about everything that would make our lives better, forgetting that she has the power to make things better for us.

So one dawn, after praying to God to provide us with our daily bread, I sat her down to talk about physical bread. I asked her, “How much do you have in your bank account?” She retorted, “At this hour, you want to talk about my bank account? I have nothing there.” I asked, “How much do you have in investments?”

She replied, “Investments here on earth, when I’ve been promised bigger and better ones up there? Haven’t you heard about people losing their investments recently? Have you ever heard of anyone losing their investment in heaven?”

She is the only one in her family who attends that church. Her parents are Presbyterian. All her siblings are still in the Presbyterian church. I am a Methodist. In the beginning, when I didn’t know much about her church, I agreed with her that we all worship one God, so after marriage we could remain in our individual churches. It’s after marriage that I’ve come to realize my wife worships two gods—her pastor and then God in heaven.

I tried to talk to her dad to make him understand what my wife was doing. He said, “Eiii, you want to speak to Paulina about her church? She won’t listen. What haven’t we done or said?”

She went to the university a Presbyterian and came back with that church tied behind her back. It’s like a cult to her. She doesn’t disobey anything said in that church but is willing to go toe-to-toe with everyone else.

Just recently, she bought a car on loan. I was happy for her, even though she didn’t tell me she was going to buy it. She said it was a surprise. We celebrated it as a new milestone in our lives. She drove the car to church on Sunday and came back home in a trotro. She said, “Pastor is praying over it to sanctify it.”

That was the last straw for me. I quickly rushed to the church and asked about the pastor. I stood there for hours before I got the chance to meet him. I told him my mission, and the first question he asked was, “Does Paulina know you’re here for the car?” I answered, “It’s my car. She doesn’t have to know about it. Can I have the keys?”

While we were talking, a gentleman drove in with the car. I asked him to hand over the keys, and he turned to look at the pastor, who was then on the phone, probably talking with my wife. I took the keys and drove the car home. By the time I got home, she already knew what had happened and was angrily waiting for me. “Take the car back. Did I send you to go for it? What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know she took the car back? For some reason, she went back for it and returned home, still angry with me throughout the week.

What Nobody Tells You About Divorce

From that day, I decided I wouldn’t talk about her church again but would rather take matters into my own hands. These days, when she asks for money, I tell her I’m broke. When she asks for money for housekeeping, I tell her she can also take care of the house. It’s a struggle, but I’m ready to go the extra mile to break her down. Last dawn, I heard her praying to God to change my heart and make me a better husband.

I smiled and pulled the cloth over my head. I knew I was marrying a God-centered person. I didn’t know it would get to this level of extremity.

—Josh

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