We had a joint account the very day we got married and moved in together. It was part of the marriage plan and the first plan to be achieved in our marriage. We contributed 10% of our salaries to the account, but the seed money came from the monetary gifts we received during our wedding. We both had our signatures on the account, so it would take both of us to access it.

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We said we were saving for rainy days. Sometimes we decided rainy days would bring a bountiful harvest, so we should use it for the dry season instead. Another day we decided it was meant for our kids. That account was sacred. We had standing orders on our personal bank accounts so every month the 10% was deducted without fail.

When we started, my husband’s ten percent was bigger than mine, but after three years of marriage I changed jobs and positions, so I started earning more than him. Our earnings were never secret. It’s something we discussed openly because our earnings were for each other. When my husband received an increase, he mentioned it.

Transparency was the key. I remember my father fell sick and we needed emergency money. I didn’t have that much on me and my siblings were looking forward to what I could do. I told my husband to let me borrow money from our joint account so I could pay it back when the month ended. He told me, “I know this is urgent, but we shouldn’t start treating the account like that. Otherwise, every little thing we will enter the account and withdraw.”

I didn’t complain. He spoke the truth, though I felt human life was at stake and we needed to save him before anything else. I took a loan from a friend to be able to take care of my dad. For a whole week my mood wasn’t right. He sat next to me telling me I shouldn’t take it hard and that the most important thing was for my dad to get well.

Four years after marriage my husband came to me with a plan. He said a friend of his was selling land in a very good location, so we should buy it. I asked if he was sure the land didn’t have any litigation, and he screamed excitedly, “Far from it. Everything is genuine.”

I told him, “Then let’s buy it. After all, a piece of land never depreciates, so it can be part of our investment.”

One early Friday morning I followed him to the bank and we withdrew the money. I followed him to see the said friend and we paid the money after going to see the location of the land. Before we paid the money I suggested that we pay half and wait until the papers were ready before we paid the other half. My husband said if we did that we might lose the opportunity to buy the land because everyone wanted it and it was first come, first served.

He is the head for a reason, so I trusted his judgment, and since the seller was his friend, I didn’t mind.

A month later I asked about the land title, and my husband gave me excuses as to why we still didn’t have it. I told him we should at least build a wall around it, and he agreed, but anytime I asked when we were starting he gave me excuses.

For several months the excuses kept coming, so I decided to go there myself to see what was going on with the land. I met workers on the land developing it. I stood right there and called my husband. “You won’t listen to me. Come and see that people are building on our land.”

Instead of being angry about the situation I reported, he was angry at me for going there without telling him. I asked, “Does it matter? Our land is being used and you’re asking me why I came here without telling you? What’s going on?”

I asked the workers to let me see the owner of the project because they were working on our land. They gave me a number and I called. The man was so angry he threatened to shoot me if I didn’t leave his property. He was shouting, “You better leave before I get there. Do you know when I acquired that piece of land?”

I came home to meet an angry husband, but I wasn’t going to allow him to scare me with anger. I asked him to explain. He said he had called the guy who sold the land and that he would rectify the situation. His posture didn’t support his words. I knew he was lying about something. I probed further before he told me the truth.

The guy we made payment to wasn’t the owner of any land. It was all a plan. My husband’s sister had an opportunity to travel abroad and they needed money, so he used that lie to make me sign to withdraw the money so he could give it to his sister while I was thinking we were purchasing land.

It’s always the lie that hurts and not what you’ve lost through the lie. I told him, “I swear on my mother’s grave, if I don’t see the money in our account the next day, I will report you to the police.”

He smiled and said, “You’re overreacting. Calm down.”

I was so angry I started shaking. I called my dad and told him the whole story, even when he didn’t allow me to access the money for his medical bills. My dad was shocked about the deception. I called his parents too, and what they told me was, “It was for the best and not about any ill motive.”

I asked, “My dad’s health was about ill motives, right?”

I’m currently pregnant with our first child. I won’t say I’m still here because of the pregnancy. I’m a very strong pregnant woman, but I don’t want to complicate anything. I will wait until this child comes out.

And while waiting, I will insist the money be paid back by his sister, as he said she was going to pay. I won’t let the money go. I won’t toil in vain. I will get my money back before I decide on anything.

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

He knows our marriage is spiritually broken because everything that bonded us is now broken. I no longer contribute to the joint account. He’s the man of the house, so all financial contribution is on him now. He goes and comes in like a ghost. I live like a shadow around here. The only thing that is visible between us is the lie he told to steal my investment.

—Gladys

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