Before we started dating, she told me about her ex, Kofi, and how badly their relationship had ended. She said Kofi was emotionally abusive and physically toxic to her. She even made me promise that I would treat her better, and I did. I held my right palm high and said, “I promise on my last honour that this will be the best relationship you’ve ever known.”

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A year and a half later, we were married.

One day, a message appeared on her phone while she was in the kitchen cooking. The message notification was short: “God bless you. I received it.” The name on it was Kofi.

I didn’t open it. I didn’t need to. But the messages kept coming. Sometimes late at night when we were sleeping, and sometimes early in the morning when we were getting ready for work. Always the same type of messages from the same name: “Kofi.”

“Thank you.”
“You’ve saved me again.”

One evening, curiosity defeated trust. I opened the conversation. I scrolled for what felt like a mile and still hadn’t reached the beginning of their chat history. For two years, my wife had been sending him money. Not small amounts either. She had paid hospital bills. She had paid rent and even the school fees of his younger brother. He always asked for a loan, but after my wife had sent the money, she would add, “Don’t worry about paying it back.”

That night, I asked her casually, “Do you still talk to Kofi?”

She laughed immediately. “Why would I? That chapter ended years ago. Why are you even asking me about him?”

I didn’t say a word. Instead, I nodded and tried to change the topic. But she wouldn’t allow me to. She insisted I explain why I had asked. I kept telling her it was nothing, that he had just come to my mind.

This is a woman who asks me for money for everything, including sanitary pads. I do it out of love and as part of my responsibility as a man. Yet she was out there paying rent for her ex.

I didn’t want to confront her about it immediately, but one night another message popped up: “I don’t know what I would have done without you. You’ve been more of a wife to me than anyone else.” When I checked again, I realized she had deleted all the previous messages.

I asked her angrily, “Why have you been sending money to your ex?”

She would probably have lied if she hadn’t seen her phone in my hands. She said, “Oh, just this once. He said he was in a fix, so I sent him something small.”

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

I then narrated all the messages I had read about her sending him money and what the money was used for. Her face went pale. For a long moment she said nothing. Then she said, “There’s no bad intention behind it, but you wouldn’t understand even if I explained everything to you.”

We’ve been fighting all week because she refuses to explain what it is that I wouldn’t understand. So I’m asking: what would make a wife send money to her ex consistently for two years?

—Uncle

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