In my late teens, I was working in a restaurant when he walked in. He sat down and called for the waitress. Before I even reached his table to take his order, his fragrance hit me. It smelled of money, style, wealth, and audacity. “Hi sir, can I take your order?” I asked him with so much confidence.
After that, it was always me who got to serve him whenever he visited, which was almost every day. So every day, I found myself waiting for his arrival. It did not take long before we became acquainted. He asked for my number, just in case he was in a hurry, so he could send his order ahead and have it ready for pickup. It sounded like a practical plan. We agreed, and shared a smile.
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Like any girl with a new crush, I waited for his call.When my phone finally vibrated, I jolted awake from a nap. But it took almost a week before he actually called. It was my off day, so I had plenty of time. He asked about my family, my school, my future plans. Then he casually added, “And how is your boyfriend too? I hope he will not come and beat me.”
I laughed. I understood the question beneath the joke. He was asking if I had a boyfriend.
He told me he liked me. “I will spoil you silly and make you happy,” he said. While I was excited by the idea of being his girlfriend, I was also anxious. If there was one thing I feared, it was married men. So, I did my own quiet digging and found out he was a divorced man with no children. I agreed to be with him. He would be what you could call a sugar daddy.
I kept it hidden from my sister, who was also a close friend of his. She had no idea that I was dating one of her biggest clients. Even to this day, she does not know. When he visited the restaurant, we did not act like anything was between us. I served him, we exchanged small talk, and I returned to my station. To my sister, he was just a friend to us both. After a year, I left the restaurant and found a different job.
Fast forward to last year, when I saw how close he and my sister had grown. It was not the kind of closeness that says “just friends.” It was clearly more than that. I noticed the constant visits, the private laughs when she was on the phone with him, the random gifts she started bringing home. It became obvious that something was happening behind my back.
Ever since, my parents have been asking questions and raising eyebrows. Because if what we were all thinking was true, then it was an abomination. Even as I denied ever having anything to do with him, I grew restless. Every time I confronted him, he said, “No,” and insisted he only had eyes for me.
The truth came out one evening in his car.
I asked him for the umpteenth time if he had anything to do with my sister. I was angry, shaking, digging my nails into my thighs just to keep myself from slapping him. That was when he finally confessed. My sugar daddy, the man who promised to care for me, was involved with my sister too. He said he was sorry. But the damage was done.
Now I am caught between truths. My parents’ minds are already uneasy. If this comes out—that he was seeing both me and my sister—they will demand we go for a spiritual cleansing in our hometown. That means our whole family will know. My sister will know. Our reputations will be ruined. People will talk. Worst of all, he will either have to choose between us, or we will both lose him. That is the price we will have to pay.
I am willing to pay a price, but I want to pay it alone, without my parents or my sister ever finding out. I want to take a different path, to travel to Benin. I will cleanse myself of any abominations in my past and any that might touch my future and that of my generation.
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And while I am there, I want to lay a curse upon him. In my anger and pain, I want him to feel the weight of what he has caused. I want him to understand the damage, the stress, and the confusion he has brought into two sisters’ lives. All he had to do was show me care and keep his word. Instead, he left us broken.
And now, I am left to carry the consequences of his choices.
—Sugar baby
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I don’t know how old you are but from your write-up, you still need a lot of growing to do. Did you try to make enquiry on what caused the divorce with his ex-wife? It’s unfortunate that your situation is this way. Only Jesus can save you if you run to Him and He will show you mercy.
If you sincerely need cleansing for dating the same man with your sister don’t you think she also needs it. Both of you are victims. Let her know so you can both decide what to do. Dating him after all thus is out of the question.
Dear Sugar B.,
It appears at your young age, you have been exposed to too much too quickly. It is time you slow down to think through the repercussions of your actions. A question lingers on my mind as to how you know of Bénin, and have quickly come to the thought that that is the next best place to seek redress in the name of ‘cleansing’.
You seek solutions to your situation, hence, here you go;
First come to a place of acceptance that this man has been the villain in this to BOTH you and YOUR SISTER. He took advantage of the communication gap between you two (this must be highlighted to avoid either of you believing this as a situation of ‘he loved me first’ & concentrating on the wrong things).
Coming clean to your immediate family will help you all decide the best means of handling the situation. Your parents, being adults & having their own children involved as well as their own reputation, should be wise enough to handle this.
Hopefully, they will do it according to the ways of the Creator (although you may not subscribe to this higher power than what’s in Bénin). Yours is to trust that your family will do only the best for you and your sister.
Going forward, be more guided in avoiding such characters like this man you speak of. Hopefully, your sister will be wise enough to cut all ties as well.
May God be your help.