I got married to a 50-year-old man when I was 35, but that is not the problem here. I have been married to this man for five years. We both came into the marriage with our own children, and since we stood at the altar together and returned home as married, we have not been able to get pregnant.

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He constantly tells me, more like threatens me, that if I do not get pregnant for him, he will go outside and have children with someone else. Day and night, he torments me with this. “Go and get pregnant, go and have a child for me.” It is not as though I am sitting idle. I have consumed different herbal medicines, and my body has reacted to them with severe allergies that almost cost me my life. I have been to numerous hospitals and done numerous tests. The results prove everything is fine with me.

So, I also forced him to run a fertility test, but he blatantly refused. I kept pushing until he finally agreed and did the test. When the result came out, he refused to show it to me so I could see it with my own eyes. I budged him before he finally told me. He did not even show me the paper; it was just his word of mouth. He said to me the doctor said he has a low sperm count, and with medication and a change of lifestyle, we could get pregnant. Even then, he refused to apologize for calling me barren until I reminded him and asked for an apology. That was when he finally did.

After knowing he is the cause of our infertility, he still blames me for not getting pregnant. He refuses to post me on any social media platforms, but he still has his ex-wife’s pictures on his Facebook. They were divorced for seven good years before I met him. The last time I secretly took his phone and posted our wedding pictures on his WhatsApp status, he became very angry and fought with me.

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He is very quick-tempered. He will only come close to me when he wants to have sex. When I am in my menses, he does not want me to sleep close to him. If I touch him, he will push my hands away and sleep at the edge of the bed. No kissing, no hugging, no romance in the marriage. His attention is always on his phone. I have seen him cheating on me with numerous women; some confirmed he has slept with them. When he wants to have sex and I am unwell, he will force me until he has his way, until I see bruises on my body the next day.

My husband looks gentle, friendly, and responsible to people outside. You would say that this man’s wife has won. I have not won anything. My husband is a beast in sheep’s clothing. He is a beast at home. He abuses me both verbally and physically.

Recently, he was transferred to a new office which I do not know. I went to his workplace just to surprise him. I called him that I was at the entrance. When he came out, he was very angry that I came to look for him and humiliated me in front of all the security men outside. I held my tears so tight until I quietly walked out of the place without looking back. When I reached the roadside, I cried my eyes out.

I had to call him and tell him I was hurt and humiliated by his action. That was when he said sorry and told me I should return so he would take me to his office. But I could not stand the shame of going back, so I picked a car and went home. I do not know how I can forgive him for all the hurtful things he has done to me. I do not see him as my husband anymore. There is no love. There is no happiness. I am just in the marriage like a house help.

My dear ladies, it will cost you a lot if you do not marry the right man. My dear men, treat your wives with love and respect, and they will reciprocate the same to you. Not all men deserve to marry. Remember me in your prayers.

—Diana

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