I found out my younger sister was dating a guy in our neighborhood. I didn’t know his age, but he was in his early twenties. My sister was only sixteen years old. She didn’t even have a phone, so she would come for my phone as if she was playing games and be chatting with this boy. After chatting with him, she would delete all the messages and bring the phone to me as if nothing happened.

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One afternoon, I was observing her demeanor. She was smiling wide and deep. She was trying so hard not to make it obvious that she was smiling. I knew that smile because I’d been her age before. I once fell in love and that smile made its way through the sides of my lips. It was so familiar I started suspecting what was going on. I asked myself, ‘What kind of game is she playing that’s making her smile this way?”

I didn’t interfere. I just observed. She kept smiling and typing. I went to the kitchen and put stew on the stove. I came to sit down and she was still at it. I told her later, “Check the stew and see if it’s burning.” She put the phone down and I picked it up and pretended I was making a call. When she came, she stood next to me waiting for me to finish. I asked her to excuse me. “I’m having a private conversation. I will call you to come for the phone when I’m done.”

When she left, I went through the messages. I was stunned by the kind of things a sixteen-year-old knew. They had kissed the night before and were discussing it. The boy wanted to go too far, but my sister shivered and prevented him. In the message, Yoona asked, “What are you scared of? That you’ll get pregnant?” She answered, “I’m scared my sister will catch me because I might not walk well afterward.”

They had done everything but penetration because she was scared she might bleed and limp to the extent that I would catch her. Yoona said, “Oh, it’s not that painful. I will do it slowly so you would not even bleed.” My sister answered, “Eiii, if this huge thing you have dangling there enters inside, I can’t walk for days. I’m even scared for my life.”

I was so shocked I started asking myself when and how it all started. I gave her back the phone and I realized she had gone back to chat with him. By the time she brought the phone, she had deleted everything as expected. I didn’t say anything until the evening when we were going to bed.

I asked her, “The way you’ve been smiling around these days, tell me, do you have a boyfriend who’s rocking your world?” She answered, “Ahh Sister Adjoa paa, I’m thinking about myself ooo. What am I going to do with a boyfriend? I want to go to school and make you and our parents proud.”

If I hadn’t read the messages and she told me this, I would have said, “Awww, my sister has sense.” But I knew better, so I pressed. She was still lying until I told her, “You don’t need to lie to me. I’m your big sister and I have been where you are. I know you’re dating Yoona. I saw the messages, but I’m fine. I only wanted you to tell me the truth. That’s all.”

I left the conversation there because she was embarrassed to talk. I acted as if everything was normal. She was no longer coming for my phone, so one day I asked her, “Why have you stopped using my phone? You don’t play games anymore.”

All of a sudden, her eyes lit up. She said, “I thought you wouldn’t give it to me again ooo because of what happened.” I said, “Oh, that’s normal. I was only disappointed that you didn’t open up to me.” She said, “So you’re not angry?” I shook my head. She asked, “Are you sure if I tell you everything, you won’t be angry?” I answered, “Oh, why would I? If what you’re doing is not good, I will show you the best way to go about it.”

So she opened up to me and I listened without judging. Soon we were laughing about some of the stories. She kept repeating, “Yoona is a good guy, but I don’t understand why everyone thinks he’s a bad boy.” I asked, “So you think he’s seeing only you?” She swore heaven and earth that Yoona didn’t love anybody apart from her. She even said, “I can put my life on that. He’s not a bad boy ooo. You should experience him to know how cool he is.”

I decided to teach her her first lesson in love so she would experience her first heartbreak and walk away from that guy. I gave Yoona’s number to a friend of mine and tasked her to test Yoona. It took her only three days to get him. A week later, Yoona was in her house expecting intimacy. She took photos and sent them with screenshots of their conversation. I showed it to my sister and she cried like our mother had died.

I gave her my phone and told her, “Now that you know what he’s capable of, take the phone and tell him it’s over. Insult him for breaking your heart and tell him never to get close to you again.”

I left her in the room and went to where I could eavesdrop. It was bombshell upon bombshell. She even called him a goat and told him he should not bring his stinking self close to her again. I was laughing and being proud of myself. I even said I was going to write a book about it as the fool-proof strategy parents can use to beat silly love out of their young daughters.

A few weeks later, she was playing on my phone with a stern face but suddenly turned to smiles again. I quickly rushed to her and snatched the phone from her hand. She was chatting with Yoona. He said, “I nearly died when you left me. I swear I will never make you leave me again.” My sister was busy sending love emojis and stickers. I screamed, “Eiii Ewurade, M’abrɛ agu.”

The next day, I packed her things and sent her straight to my parents. I told my elder brother about the whole incident. He screamed, “Why did you go through all that when a simple beating could have reset her stupid heart?”

My parents dealt with her properly. I wasn’t there, but I understand what it means when my dad says he had dealt with an issue. The next day, my elder brother came around in his military uniform, held Yoona by the collar, and brought him to my place. He didn’t do much. He said, “Look into my eyes and observe how my mustache is shaking. The next time I come here because of my sister, you’ll be the one shaking, you hear?”

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

That was the end of Yoona and my sister. Today, my sister and I talk about it and laugh. She tells me I saved her future. I tell her she saved herself when she obeyed our parents. She’s twenty-five now and still hasn’t had a penetrative encounter. I know her boyfriend. When they have issues, I’m the one she runs to. She tells me everything because she thinks I have the method to help her through.

I’m sharing this story because of the story I read about the fifteen-year-old girl dating a guy on Snapchat. The poster asked what she should do about it. I tried to talk my sister out of it and did it calmly, but it didn’t work until the military tactics kicked in. In as much as it’s dicey, I’ll advise you to try employing these two tactics hand in hand. Get your sister’s trust first. Let her know you’re there for her good, but be firm. If she has a heart like my sister, she will change.

—Adjoa

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